Bomb my comic at will!

[Astral Blaze]

It's about time I started looking for more critique from sources other than my alarm clock. Doesn't give much advice...

Anyways, the site is HERE.

My drawing style is sort of a pseudo-manga, incorporating some elements, but being sufficiently lazy enough to be somewhwat apart. I took online tutorials, didn't take half of it into mind, and for that, I am glad.

So...criticize what you will.

- Drawings
- Site design
- Speech bubbles. In fact, if you have a tutorial for making speech bubbles, post it/the link here!

[Faub]

I once read that it's not a good idea to use names in your story that you can't pronounce easily or that don't have an easy pronunciation. So, how do you pronounce DHR BELUK (besides "der black" - appropriate for "the Great Darkness" I suppose).

I concur with shooting the mapmaker. How can you have a map of the unexplored lands and yet have them still be unexplored? A lot of map making is based on inference so unless the mapmaker in being intentionally misleading he's about as competent as a container of metallic bludgeoning objects. Based on the premise of the comic, I'd say he was doing this intentionally.

http://astralblazecomics.keenspace.com/20040204.html
Your trees are arranged in linear adventure story fashion. (Note: you may need some back issues of Knights of the Dinner Table for this one.) If you get a chance, take some pictures (or Google for them) of a real forest. Generally, you will be able to see something leafy at any level from forest floor to canopy. Almost none of the trees will be the of the same size.

It's very difficult to make a good adventure story where the characters are constantly on the move. You may have this wonderful fantasy setting but at best you will be able to give an overview of it. You start making generalizations like "The town of Fezzik where the people live in constant fear of the residents of the castle on the hill and their demon cohorts." If they're in constant fear, how do they live? Do they farm? Farming takes a lot of time and dedication. Maybe this is a recent thing and most of the townspeople have already left the area. Only a few diehards are holed up behind the wooden fence and sitting up every night with their broken and rusty implements, determined to hold off the next wave of demon attacks ready to die to defend their homes.

It's often more interesting to tell a story about one place. Explore it thoroughly then tell another different story (maybe with the same characters) about a different place.

[Mr Ekshin]

The speech balloons need more white border space around them. The get kinda burried into the background images.

That's all I can think of.

[Astral Blaze]

I once read that it's not a good idea to use names in your story that you can't pronounce easily or that don't have an easy pronunciation. So, how do you pronounce DHR BELUK (besides "der black" - appropriate for "the Great Darkness" I suppose).

It's "der belook" essentially. I should probably put that in the rant.

I concur with shooting the mapmaker. How can you have a map of the unexplored lands and yet have them still be unexplored? A lot of map making is based on inference so unless the mapmaker in being intentionally misleading he's about as competent as a container of metallic bludgeoning objects. Based on the premise of the comic, I'd say he was doing this intentionally.

Well, you never know....

http://astralblazecomics.keenspace.com/20040204.html
Your trees are arranged in linear adventure story fashion. (Note: you may need some back issues of Knights of the Dinner Table for this one.) If you get a chance, take some pictures (or Google for them) of a real forest. Generally, you will be able to see something leafy at any level from forest floor to canopy. Almost none of the trees will be the of the same size.

Maybe they're...magical trees! Okay, fine, I am a lazy bastard, and given the art style, maybe I should be trying just a little harder.

It's very difficult to make a good adventure story where the characters are constantly on the move. You may have this wonderful fantasy setting but at best you will be able to give an overview of it. You start making generalizations like "The town of Fezzik where the people live in constant fear of the residents of the castle on the hill and their demon cohorts." If they're in constant fear, how do they live? Do they farm? Farming takes a lot of time and dedication. Maybe this is a recent thing and most of the townspeople have already left the area. Only a few diehards are holed up behind the wooden fence and sitting up every night with their broken and rusty implements, determined to hold off the next wave of demon attacks ready to die to defend their homes.

It's often more interesting to tell a story about one place. Explore it thoroughly then tell another different story (maybe with the same characters) about a different place.

You're referring to the fact that I hardly went into ANY detail about, say, Nole'n Town or all of Naridia in general. The reader should get a large amount of detail about Naridia, it's various towns, legends, and especially some lore about the Great War later on. I am planning on doing little short overviews for each town as they go there, and that should be starting on Friday for Fine Town, if all goes well.

Much appreciated, Faub.

As for Mr Eshkin's advice...I'd do that, but sometimes I'm a little strapped for space. I'm working on one comic right now, so I'll try it and see if it's possible for this particular strip.

[Astral Blaze]

Any more comments? Or should I take this to General Discussion?

[Yeahduff]

You're rushing too much. You need a good deal more detail of what's going on here. Both the world and your two main characters are blank sheets of paper. The art, though you have been improving, is too monotonous. Same angle, same distance, same value. Try to mix things up a bit. More blacks, some panels in longshot, characters in varied poses and with different expressions. And your necks are too thick. They shouldn't be as wide as the heads. Your opening comic shouldn't be an explanation, it should bring us into the story. The action sequences have no real suspense, one because we don't know or care about your characters, and two because there's no sense of danger. Your monsters are almost cute. At no point do they seem to even attacking the heroes. Go with Faub's idea: stick to one place for a while and when you have it sufficiently explored, move somewhere else.

[DGC]

I think you could do something more with your text/speech bubbles. I was getting confused by who was saying what sometimes. Maybe assign a specific font for each character. You could also use a different outline for each character's speech bubbles, and that would have the same effect.

[Astral Blaze]

You're rushing too much. You need a good deal more detail of what's going on here. Both the world and your two main characters are blank sheets of paper. The art, though you have been improving, is too monotonous. Same angle, same distance, same value. Try to mix things up a bit. More blacks, some panels in longshot, characters in varied poses and with different expressions.

Yeah, I'm in this "dumbed-down" period. It's probably not gonna change for a while. When I get this damned buffer up, I'll be experimenting more. Though it's probably "perspective phobia" I'm going through. Oh well, if it looks like 5h17, then it looks like 5h17...

I am aware that I only use about four different types of angles. Bah.

And your necks are too thick. They shouldn't be as wide as the heads.

I was working on Friday's comic and I fixed this. Thanks.

Your opening comic shouldn't be an explanation, it should bring us into the story.

Well, kind of too late for that, eh?

The action sequences have no real suspense, one because we don't know or care about your characters, and two because there's no sense of danger. Your monsters are almost cute. At no point do they seem to even attacking the heroes.

...I have no comment on this. I could really have worked on that for the first encounter...*slaps head* Yeah, you make a very valid point.

Go with Faub's idea: stick to one place for a while and when you have it sufficiently explored, move somewhere else.

I'm planning on doing this, but one, it's not the right time (they start out on the path, come on!), and two, I have to find a nice medium. In the end, these cities are just rest stops, and if I spend too much time in them, someone might wonder why they're so laid back for this kind of trip...

I think you could do something more with your text/speech bubbles. I was getting confused by who was saying what sometimes. Maybe assign a specific font for each character. You could also use a different outline for each character's speech bubbles, and that would have the same effect.

I don't remember being an Ensign. Either it's a new thing, or I'm just really ignorant. Eh. I'm working on speech. Maybe I just need to make clearer speech arrows? Today's comic isn't probably the best thing in that area either....

Speech bubble tutorial?!? Anyone?!?

[CodeGuy]

Speech bubbles! OK, that's something I think I can comment on.

Taking a look at the comic for Feb 11th, there are a few problems. Both of the bottom panels have bubbles that spread out for the entire width of the comic. I think this is because you're trying to connect the bubbles across panels. This is making the connector lines way too important. In panel three, you have to follow the connector line to panel 4 to see who's talking and then go pack to panel 3 to read it.

Instead of having the connector cross the gutter, I'd suggest you just have it point the arrow off screen. It's pretty obvious that these two guys are talking to each other, so if one is in the panel, then the other voice would clearly be coming from the other guy.

Once you've gotten rid of the connector line in panel 3, then the "Oh, in that case" bubble can be formatted into 2 or three lines and moved into the upper right corner of the panel. That would be much clearer.

Actually, the main thing that this scene could use is for the camera to zoom out just a little bit. If there was a little more room above their heads, then you could have more space to put the speach bubbles. You might even get rid of the gutter between panels 3 and 4 completely. I had to look at those panels several times before I realized that the backgrounds were matching up. It would probably flow better as one big pic instead of two puzzle pieces.

One comment about your art in general. I think I'd like your comic better if you adjusted the levels so the lines were a bit darker. Every time I've looked at your comic, my first impression was "gray". It taints my impression of your characters quite a bit.

[Astral Blaze]

Speech bubbles! OK, that's something I think I can comment on.

Taking a look at the comic for Feb 11th, there are a few problems. Both of the bottom panels have bubbles that spread out for the entire width of the comic. I think this is because you're trying to connect the bubbles across panels. This is making the connector lines way too important. In panel three, you have to follow the connector line to panel 4 to see who's talking and then go pack to panel 3 to read it.

Instead of having the connector cross the gutter, I'd suggest you just have it point the arrow off screen. It's pretty obvious that these two guys are talking to each other, so if one is in the panel, then the other voice would clearly be coming from the other guy.

Once you've gotten rid of the connector line in panel 3, then the "Oh, in that case" bubble can be formatted into 2 or three lines and moved into the upper right corner of the panel. That would be much clearer.

Point taken.

Actually, the main thing that this scene could use is for the camera to zoom out just a little bit. If there was a little more room above their heads, then you could have more space to put the speach bubbles.

I'm stuck in this trap. It's so easy to draw at this size.

I'm *thinking* of drawing my comics longer heightwise, since this would either allow me to use bigger spaces on my format sheet or at least make it easier to read. I'd have to find some time to make a new sheet and see how it looks. My archives are gonna look like crap with all this experimenting...maybe if I weren't so indecisive? O_o?

You might even get rid of the gutter between panels 3 and 4 completely. I had to look at those panels several times before I realized that the backgrounds were matching up. It would probably flow better as one big pic instead of two puzzle pieces.

That was lack of foresight on my part, but I thought the fact that it was the same background would be rather obvious...O_o?

One comment about your art in general. I think I'd like your comic better if you adjusted the levels so the lines were a bit darker. Every time I've looked at your comic, my first impression was "gray". It taints my impression of your characters quite a bit.

Meh. I'll see. I like this effect for some reason. It looks really good on paper, but I guess all the light coming from the scanner "bleaches" it. I'll have to do something about that...

[YarpsDat]

Sure, blame it on the scanner.
Or maybe learn how to use curves/levels for scan adjustment? Just a suggestion.

Another suggestion: Work at higher resolution, then shrink it down (_after_ merging all the layers).
Your wordbubbles look awfuly pixelatey. If you had drawn them at tripple size, and resized down they would automaticaly start looking cool.

Everything looks cool when shrunk down to 1/3 or 1/4 of the starting size.

[CodeGuy]

1/4th? Ha! My comics are 2% of the full size image!

I don't really know why, it just worked out that way. I scan at 200 dpi. To get my comic down to 530x640, I then shrink it to about 14.5% in length and 14.5% in width. 14.5 x 14.5 comes to about 2% as many pixels as the original.

[YarpsDat]

I meant 1/4 of linear size.

Wait... 200 dpi, 530 px, 14.5% ... _what_ size are your oryginals?


(I scan at 600 dpi, tweak the scan with curves, crop the margins, resize by (about) 50% to make it some reasonable size for my old computer.
Then I add everything, and then I resize by 1/3 and export it, to the final size of 600px wide, about 700px high.
And my oryginals are slightly smaller than an A4 page.)

[Astral Blaze]

Sure, blame it on the scanner.
Or maybe learn how to use curves/levels for scan adjustment? Just a suggestion.

I'll blame it on the f5cking scanner if I want to! There!

Your wordbubbles look awfuly pixelatey. If you had drawn them at tripple size, and resized down they would automaticaly start looking cool.

Forgive, for I have committed a sin...

Those word bubbles were done in MSPaint...

But wait! I have redeemed myself! Wait until Friday! For I have learned the art of the PHOTOSHOP word bubble, and I am pleased. I was also able to incorporate a "majority" of requests, but I was not able to comply with yeahduff's request for better camera angles. Sad, considering how he's also the one who helped me out with my filesize problem.

Everything looks cool when shrunk down to 1/3 or 1/4 of the starting size.

Hmm...I shrink it down to about half. I scan it in at (gasp!) 200 dpi, then downsize it to a healthy 700 pixel width. Maybe I'll try 400-600 next time...

[CodeGuy]

OK, here's the process.

1) Draw 4 panels, each filling it's own sheet of 8.5x11 inch printer paper.

2) Scan each one at 200dpi.

3) Do stuff to the images.

4) Paste them all into one large meta image with 4 panels, I think the meta image is about 3660x4420, which comes to around 16,177,200 pixels.

5) Reduce that pic to about 14.5% width and 14.5% height, giving me an image that is 530x640. This is 339,200 pixels.

339,200 divided by 16,177,200 is 2.01%

[Faub]

I'm stuck in this trap. It's so easy to draw at this size.

Then you need to make yourself draw things that aren't easy. Give yourself a challenge. Draw something you wouldn't normally draw or draw normal stuff in a new way. That's the only way you're going to learn things. You WILL make mistakes but those will help you learn as well.

[Astral Blaze]

Then you need to make yourself draw things that aren't easy. Give yourself a challenge. Draw something you wouldn't normally draw or draw normal stuff in a new way. That's the only way you're going to learn things. You WILL make mistakes but those will help you learn as well.

I never said I couldn't get out of the trap from time to time. If I hadn't heard that advice earlier and followed part of it, I'd only be drawing from two camera angles. Nowadays I can draw from FOUR.

Okay fine, not too much of an improvement, but just so you know I'm NOT sticking myself into a metaphorical box. If I really needed that, I could just ask DM...

[Yeahduff]

Your opening comic shouldn't be an explanation, it should bring us into the story.

Well, kind of too late for that, eh?

Well, I guess the most important bit is that you shouldn't give us four panels of text. We draw comics. We need pretty pictures to go with the pretty words....

[Astral Blaze]

Well, I guess the most important bit is that you shouldn't give us four panels of text.

That's probably not gonna happen again. With the context of the comic, its gonna be pretty hard to find enough crap to fill four panels unless I'm throwing the whole concept of "story" out the window. Or if I'm doing a recap. But those are boring.

[Astral Blaze]

I think this Monday's strip looks pretty decent. Give your opinions on it...if you can even see more than a red X that is...