Tan 9 8 7

[Ghastly]

I've been inspired by a recent conversation on the forum about the Japanese "tan" trend of creating cute personifications of things like Operating Systems and pre-teen murderers and I've been thinking, to fully understand this tan phenominon I should probably engage myself in it.

Of course, then I had the problem of trying to think up something to tan that the Japanese haven't already tanned before. My first thought was creating videogame console tans, but there are probably hundreds if not thousands of console tans out there. Then I thought, how about softdrink tans... or chocolate bar tans... but again, they probably exist in large numbers.

Then I went back to my first idea and though, how about Classic era videogame console tans?

So here's my proposal, gang. Let's create some tans personifying classic era videogame consoles, this means consoles from the pre neo-classic era of the NES and Sega Master System. Consoles such as the Atari 2600.

So I've decided to call dibs on Atari 2600-tan, but that still leaves plenty of Classic consoles available to be tan-ized.

You've still got:

Colecovision
Intellivision
Intellivision II
Fairchild Channel F
Odyssey^2
Vectrex
Coleco Gemini (Atari 2600 clone)

plus plenty of other more obscure systems from the classic era.

I suppose if you want to do neo-classics there's the

NES/Famicon
Sega Master System
Atari 7600

There's also the 16-Bit era systems.

Sega Genesis
Super NES/Famicon
Neo Geo
Atari Jaguar
NEC TurboGRFX 16


Of course the newer you get the more likely you are to be tanning something that's already been tanned.

There are the portables too.

Gameboy
Gameboy Pocket
Gameboy Colour
Sega Game Gear
Virtualboy
etc.

But once again they've likely already been tanned. This is why I think classic videogame consoles would be the best source of new tanning matterial, plus a great way to show off your arcane knowledge of classic videogame systems.

So... want to call dibs on a classic console and start tanning?

I'll create a special Tan-Zone in the Fan-Zone section of my comic once we've got some and we can create strips using each other's tan designs. What do you think, gang? Sound like fun?

[Cuteswan]

That's an excellent idea -- I was just having a little nostalgia fit myself, so, even though it's wasn't intended as a game system, can I design Apple ][-tan?

BTW, what about Atari 400 and 800, RadioShack's device with four versions of B&W pong, etc.? Too old?

[Ghastly]

I was really thinking more along the lines of classic cartridge based consoles rather than dedicated machines like Pong and Atari's Video Pinball console, or home computers like the C-64 or Atari 400. I guess they could be tanned too though.

[Cuteswan]

Hmm, you're right -- trying to include too much will just make a mess, so I'll sit this one out (and maybe work on my own comic before your advertising rates go up).

As for the 400/800, weren't those cartridge systems, or am I confused as to what the first Atari home system was? (The one with Pacman, Haunted House, etc.)

[Ghastly]

No, the Atari 2600 (which I've called dibs on) was the cartridge videogame console. It wasn't the first, but it was the first successful cartridge based videogame console.

The very first was the Fairchild Channel F.

The Atari 400 and Atari 800, while possessing cartridge slots (like the Commodore 64 did) were in fact microcomputers.

I actually have an Atari 800 here in my collection. They were built like a freaking tank. 4 joystick ports too. I picked it up at a Value Village for $5. Never had one back in the day although a lot of my friends did. In the 80s I was a C-64 user.

[CJBurgandy]

I want to do Colecovision!

[Ghastly]

Well, I've gotten started on 2600-tan.

Looking very cute so far, I'mm have to figure out where exactly to work woodgrain into her costume.

[Cuteswan]

Dumb question: For all the console-tans, where do you insert the cartridges?

[Ghastly]

Well I got the pencils done for those who want a sneak peak.

They didn't scan too well since I pencil with an H4 lead. Off to ink it now.

[Ghastly]

Dumb question: For all the console-tans, where do you insert the cartridges?

Just below the special magical button. 8)

[Squidflakes]

Round here, we call that the ON button

[Ghastly]

And now it's inked. Now I just have to decide on the colours. The corsette section in the middle is going to be made out of wood so I can give a nod and a wink to the Atari 2600's woodgrain finish.

There were actually many different versions of the 2600 too, such as the 2600jr which was still in production up into the early 90s. I guess we could either do different tans for each version or make different costumes for my Atari 2600-tan to reflect the different models of the 2600.

[Squidflakes]

Murahahahaha.. I love the paddle shoes.

Since I can't draw for crap, might I have the honor of coloring my own version of your tan?

[Poe]

For some reason I have an image in my head of a CD-I Tan with a strap-on sodomizing Link and Mario...

[Kingofthemorlocks]

A joystick strap-on, perhaps?

[Paul Soth]

2600 Tan should be popular, but far too friendly and way too easy, letting guys pick her up right and left. Her parents objected, but it's in her nature. In the end, her many sordid affairs caused trouble for everyone, but no one really blames her for it.

[Cuteswan]

... Her parents objected....

Her parents would be ... the Centipede and one of the Space Invaders? I'm surprised they'd complain about her so much since they would let anyone use them for a quarter.

[Paul Soth]

Well, there were over 900 known titles for the 2600, thanks to third party developers who just cranked them out. Atari tried to put a stop to it with lawsuit after failed lawsuit, but they couldn't stop it. Thanks to all the crap games that were on the market, no one knew what to get. Some developers went under, their games got marked down, other developers couldn't compete against the adjusted prices, they went under, and the whole mess just kept going on and on and it hurt everyone. Atari, who was in bad shape by the messes caused by Pac-Man and ET, and Mattel Electronics, who was seriously set back by their failed Intellavison Keyboard project, were in no shape to handle the falling market and competition from home PCs (Commodore, Tandy, etc.), and by 1984 Atari was divided and sold while Mattel dissolved their game department.

Hence...

[RantinAn]

For some reason I have an image in my head of a CD-I Tan with a strap-on sodomizing Link and Mario...

Damn it... stop whining about it and DRAW IT then.

[Captain Tylor]

How about Historical-OS-tans?

Apple DOS 3.3-tan
GS/OS-tan
ProDOS-tan
BeOS-tan (maybe?)
PascalOS-tan
CP/M-tan
Xenix-tan

I'm sure there are hundreds of others. What strange OS have you used on your personal computer?

If I had some talent and time (maybe even just time) I'd do a GS/OS-tan.

I have fond memories of the old NES and some Atari cartridge games. Even a friends old C-64--Gods keep me from yardsales where outdated technology sits around. I have a room full of it, and a keen interest in old cars too keeps my storage/garage space full. (At least cars are supposed to get you women. A collection of compact Macs doesn't do that.)

Maybe I'll have to find my Zelda emulator again.

--anyway, what were we talking about?