Kotta Kokoro

Naotaro · Post by **Naotaro** » Sun Sep 11, 2005 6:45 pm

*third time pitching (desperate for attention) T_T
Before i give you a link, you must know that THIS COMIC READS RIGHT TO LEFT!
I've done it in the traditional manga style, even though sometimes it doesnt even look like manga....
I was working on different styles of art and now i am going to keep the recent pages style through screentones
Anyway, i basically want a critique on the interest factor of what I have so far. does the comic seem like just useless talk or does it help meet the characters?
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http://kottakokoro.comicgenesis.com
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Its the story of Daichi, a 16 year old boy who is born into a family secret that he wasnt supposed to burden. swords and crazy action will EVENTUALLY get into it. Him and his best friend, Ken must be ready for anything to carry on in the world....thats all i got for now ^_^;;;

Emmett · Post by **Emmett** » Mon Sep 12, 2005 9:23 am

Not bad at all. I'm sure there are lots of folks that check out this post don't respond, so don't feel bad about it.
*I'm usually one of those people*
But like I said, for the most part it's not bad at all. I actually read it from beginning to end and enjoyed it. Keep up the good work and see you around.

The Neko · Post by **The Neko** » Mon Sep 12, 2005 4:21 pm

I was surprised to find that your art is actually decent for a web manga.

My only real issue is the fact that you basically speak English, write in English, and made it for a predominantly English-speaking audience, and yet you used the right-to-left format, even though the only reason the Japanese print it that way is because their vertical-readings of the language are read in that direction. This is completely counter-intuitive to how English even works, and since I highly doubt your work is a translation, there is absolutely no need whatsoever to print it in this format.

Making it right to left doesn't make it more authentic. There is no way to make it truly authentic unless you're in Japan, and you're Japanese, and you're published.

Naotaro · Post by **Naotaro** » Mon Sep 12, 2005 6:38 pm

The Neko wrote:I was surprised to find that your art is actually decent for a web manga.

My only real issue is the fact that you basically speak English, write in English, and made it for a predominantly English-speaking audience, and yet you used the right-to-left format, even though the only reason the Japanese print it that way is because their vertical-readings of the language are read in that direction. This is completely counter-intuitive to how English even works, and since I highly doubt your work is a translation, there is absolutely no need whatsoever to print it in this format.

Making it right to left doesn't make it more authentic. There is no way to make it truly authentic unless you're in Japan, and you're Japanese, and you're published.

The thing is is that the only comics ive ever read when i was young were manga. its the way i'm used to reading and drawing. And laugh or scoff at it, but I AM going to be a real manga artist like akamatsu ken and hiroyuki takei. Its my dream and im going to follow it through to the end.

Yeahduff · Post by **Yeahduff** » Mon Sep 12, 2005 8:37 pm

The Neko has a strong point. You're alienating a large portion of your audience and you don't have to. But if that's what you're comfortable with, do what you gotta do.

Christwriter · Post by **Christwriter** » Mon Sep 12, 2005 9:23 pm

Something else you need to consider is how difficult it is to write about a nation and culture that isn't yours by birth. You've decided to write a story with laws, measurements, currency, archetecture and cultural mores totally forgen to you (assuming you are American) and to present it to a group of people who know even less about it than you do (the adverage American wouldn't know yen from yang and wouldn't be able to convert it into dollars if they did). It's EXTREAMLY difficult. Stephen King had to have help when he chose to set a novel in Pensylvania instead of Maine. If you (1. are not Japanese and (2 have no japanese friends to proof-read your work, you probably should reconsider and set the story closer to home.

As for your comic...

Art: When you posted the finished work, I liked it. You have good anatomy, I like your screentones and I found the detail to be very good. When you switched to doing roughs, I wanted to leave. If your art is good enough, people will probably put up with LONG delays (I still have Deity Permit bookmarked and check it irregularly because I love Soap Comittee's artwork). Getting lazy isn't a good excuse. The other problems I have with it is the changing size of your fonts--I have bad eyes. I do not enjoy eye streign--and the changing fonts themselves. As a rule, Arial is bad, and switching fonts in the middle of the story without putting everything to the new font is also bad. Pick one, make everything look like that one, and then do not switch unless you get complaints or you lose the font.

So finished art=good, rough art=bad. Keep putting the effort in and you'll get somewhere.

Writing: You have several Manga-esque cliches that I don't enjoy (people do not stand on other people and have the other people not collapse from having 120+ pounds suddenly applied to their shoulders) and I was totally lost when you showed that guy's house. Is the other kid shocked because it's big or shocked because it's bad? I don't have a BS in Japanese archetecture, so I don't know what it is I'm looking at. Your plotting is very slow, also. I am, however, intrigued by the kid with no arms, so that is a good point.

As a whole, I don't enjoy the exagerations of Manga, but I think you do have potential. I'd be a bit careful as your comic reads like several mangas I have read. Keep it up.

CW

Akujintails · Post by **Akujintails** » Tue Sep 13, 2005 11:22 am

When I started reading KottaKokoro, there was already about 10-11 comic strips there, and when I caught up with it, I couldn't be bothered going back for only a Monday update, when it was.

Apart from that, though... The art style is very well proportioned, and I enjoyed reading through, even though it was right-left, but I'm used to that already, so I could sort of see why people don't like it. Now that there are some more strips to read through I suppose I'll restart, as I did really enjoy it :3

It even explains why you can't really update on chapter 2... it's good to know that there's a reason not just laziness....

Ganbaru!

Plotlessviolence · Post by **Plotlessviolence** » Tue Sep 13, 2005 6:20 pm

You need more fight scenes. There was one 3-move bit at the beginning, and then what? Various angles of angsty teens being emotional?

Naotaro · Post by **Naotaro** » Thu Sep 15, 2005 2:05 am

plotlessviolence wrote:You need more fight scenes. There was one 3-move bit at the beginning, and then what? Various angles of angsty teens being emotional?

Sorry about taking so long. they're coming up soon! ^_^;;

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