I'm enlisting.

Major Maxillary · Post by **Major Maxillary** » Sat Jun 04, 2005 3:23 pm

in the United States Army National guard.

i just got back from the recruiter's. overall it was very pleasent. allow me to recant a bit of my experience;

"you're making the right chioce."

"of course i am."

"welcome to the mechanized infantry."

"thank y- wait, what?"

okay, i took a liitle creative licence there, he didn't trick me at all. turns out, both artilery batteries have told the recruiter that they don't want anymore people because they're switching over to Military Police, and giving the guns to the Airbourne. as for the cavalry, they're losing they're M1A2s and switching to Bradleys. right now they're in Iraq as Motorized Infantry(like mechanized, only with HMMWVs instead of Bradleys.) their job entails driving down the street as 65 mph and searching homes. about that driving part, they aren't allowed to stop, because thet's how you lose men. also, he told me their casualty rate; one. that's right, the unit of around like, six hundred has lost one man in Iraq. although that's still one man too many, i's pretty damn good odds. so that's it, i'm going into the Mechanized infantry as a bradley crewman.

fun fact: three years ago i spoke to an Army recruiter about this very same MOS.

during the conversation, i told him about my family's history, he noted that he was impressed with my knowledge regarding the military, and at one point he said i reminded him of General Custer, what with my long hair and zappa and all. i found that an insult.

when i gave him my Email, MajorMaxillary@wouldn'tyouliketoknow.com, there was a funny conversation about it.

"major?"

"Maxillary."

"why do i get the feeling to managed to fit Artillery in there."

"actually, i chose that for several meanings, on the one hand i like how it sounds officious, secong it's a victorian slang term for penis, and finally i had an opperation on my upper mandible, which is refferred to as the Major Maxillary. so it's a wordplay thing."

"eh he.."

he also told me that the pins in my face bones might be a problem if i don't get documentation, and suggested that i become an officer.

afterwards he gave me a mountain of pamphlets, two USANG T-shirts, and a DVD.

then i went to see Episode 3.

all in all this was a good day, and i take the ASVAB on Wensday.

Usagi-kun · Post by **Usagi-kun** » Sat Jun 04, 2005 3:27 pm

As a vetran I wish you good luck and remember document everything! you will be grateful you did later on when you decide to leave service or retire

THE KOOL AID MAN · Post by **THE KOOL AID MAN** » Sat Jun 04, 2005 4:05 pm

You should have signed up for the Navy. A reliable source tells me that their sodomy is the best sodomy. 8)

TheBladeRoden2 · Post by **TheBladeRoden2** » Sat Jun 04, 2005 4:48 pm

I'll take your extra shirt if it's cool looking.

Major Maxillary · Post by **Major Maxillary** » Sat Jun 04, 2005 5:07 pm

THE KOOL AID MAN wrote:You should have signed up for the Navy. A reliable source tells me that their sodomy is the best sodomy. 8)

i've had better.

on a related note, if anyone from JAG shows up asking if i like the cock, tell them you don't know who Sgt. Maxillary is.

that's right, i just refferred to myself as a rank that i haven't obtained yet, but with my atitude and smarts, i doubt i'll have a problem.

@ bladeroden: no, i'm adding both to my collection, which includes a T-shirt that reads "BE A MAN AMONG MEN IN THE RHODESIAN ARMY," and "MILITARY AIRLIFT COMMAND DOES IT WITH CHAINS AND DEVICES."

TheBladeRoden2 · Post by **TheBladeRoden2** » Sat Jun 04, 2005 5:28 pm

Major Maxillary wrote:@ bladeroden: no

Tellner · Post by **Tellner** » Sat Jun 04, 2005 6:02 pm

Good luck. Keep your powder dry and your head down.

RavenxDrake · Post by **RavenxDrake** » Sat Jun 04, 2005 7:15 pm

Be safe. Be sound. And above all: Remember all of these. and Don't do any of these.

Major Maxillary · Post by **Major Maxillary** » Sat Jun 04, 2005 7:32 pm

RavenxDrake wrote:Be safe. Be sound. And above all: Remember all of these. and Don't do any of these.

first link don't work, hon.

Camouflage body paint is not a uniform.

i did that...

Moo Cow · Post by **Moo Cow** » Sun Jun 05, 2005 12:25 pm

Wow... best wishes! I hope serving in the military does you good. And of course, that you don't get killed. Hopefully it's not that dangerous... that casualty rate is pretty safe it seems. Good luck!

~Sara

JaronK · Post by **JaronK** » Sun Jun 05, 2005 12:49 pm

I'll echo the "write it all down" bit. Good luck out there.

JaronK

TMR · Post by **TMR** » Sun Jun 05, 2005 3:44 pm

120. An EO briefing is probably not the best place to unveil my newest off color joke.

Uh... I actually did that. Almost two years ago, and I can almost guarantee "Chief of the Slapaho Tribe" is going to be on my going-away plaque.

Cathowl · Post by **Cathowl** » Sun Jun 05, 2005 4:20 pm

Can we get a working copy of the first link?

Tellner · Post by **Tellner** » Sun Jun 05, 2005 4:21 pm

TMR wrote:
120. An EO briefing is probably not the best place to unveil my newest off color joke.
Uh... I actually did that. Almost two years ago, and I can almost guarantee "Chief of the Slapaho Tribe" is going to be on my going-away plaque.

?!

RavenxDrake · Post by **RavenxDrake** » Sun Jun 05, 2005 4:45 pm

Hehe... sorry, it was the only online copy of this I could find. I'll merely summarize it here. It's probably a hundred years old, and everyone in here has already seen it, but...

MILITARY LOGIC

1. If the enemy is in range, so are you.
2. Incoming fire has the right of way.
3. Don't look conspicuous: it draws fire.
4. The easy way is always mined.
5. Try to look unimportant; they may be low on ammo.
6. Professionals are predictable; it's the amateurs that are dangerous.
7. The enemy invariably attacks on one of two occasions: When you're ready for them and when you're not ready for them.
8. Teamwork is essential; it gives the enemy someone else to shoot at.
9. If your attack is going well, you have walked into an ambush.
10. Don't draw fire; it irritates the people around you.
11. The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.
12. When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend.
13. If it's stupid but works, it isn't stupid.
14. When in doubt, empty the magazine.
15. Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than you.
16. Anything you do can get you shot. Including doing nothing.
17. Make it too tough for the enemy to get in and you can't get out.
18. Mines are equal opportunity weapons.
19. A Purple Heart just proves that you were smart enough to think of a plan, stupid enough to try it, and lucky enough to survive.
20. Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last and don't ever volunteer to do anything.
21. Five-second fuses only last three seconds.
22. It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed.
23. Carpet bombing from B-52s is very accurate. At 30,000 feet, every bomb hits the ground.
24. If you see an Explosive Ordanance Technichian running, try to keep up.
25. Friendly fire isn't very friendly.

Ghastly · Post by **Ghastly** » Sun Jun 05, 2005 4:50 pm

Usagi-kun wrote:As a vetran I wish you good luck and remember document everything! you will be grateful you did later on when you decide to leave service or retire

Or if charges are brought against your unit later.

Usagi-kun · Post by **Usagi-kun** » Sun Jun 05, 2005 5:47 pm

That as well. ESPeCILLY with way things are these days.

Major Maxillary · Post by **Major Maxillary** » Sun Jun 05, 2005 8:01 pm

i plan on bringing two cameras(one motion, one stil) when off on deployment and whatnot. largely for the funny stuff like taping someone to the hood of a HMMWV, or getting pictures of me dryhumping the turret of my Bradley. but i'll also take recordings of most every mission i go on so nobody can say that my unit had committed any atrocities as most of the jackasses do.

LindaH · Post by **LindaH** » Sun Jun 05, 2005 8:55 pm

seeing as i live in a country that seems hellbent on avoiding war even at the cost of fighting for it i cant say i understand why anyone would join a military that goes to war now and then..

but regardless as it isnt my place to understand your reasnoning.. so i will just say "good luck and come back alive, and more importantly: never be afraid to question orders that are wrong!"

now go fourth you brave thing and make us .. eh.. not worry too much about you *gets a hankie*... our little Maxilliary has grown up so fast.. *sniffle* .. he is leaving us.. *cries*...

Major Maxillary · Post by **Major Maxillary** » Sun Jun 05, 2005 10:37 pm

Heh, i seriously doubt i'll see any real combat outside of some scuffles with the occasional ornery arab. but who knows, i might just step out of the plane and right into the biggest offensive ever. but whatever the future holds for me, i can say with all certainty that i'm confident i'll live through it. both my parents are vietnam veterans, my grandfather was in WW2, my great grandfather was in the 7th Cav under general pershing, and i can trace my history right back to the army of wiliam the conqoror. although my father was the only person in my family to see actual combat in the past hundred years, it was some of the worst(Tet offensive, then Rhodesia after 'Nam.) although i'll be a priority target, i'll be a well-protected priority target.

on the topic of orders, individual initiative is the hallmark of a good soldier. ^_^

of course, there arelots of reasons i'm doing this;
i get $10,000 enlistment bonus, in addition to both state and federal monthly pay, which i can use to buy a truck, get my buisiness going, and build a new computer.

i also get 100% educational assistance, meaning i'll get free colledge/technical schooling.

then there's the pride of serving my people in their time of need, and helping bring liberty to a depreciated nation.

and finally;