Could I get some advice?

Jha'Meia · Post by **Jha'Meia** » Sun Jan 09, 2005 8:53 pm

Here's a big phat GOOD LUCK in the meantime ^^

Godoftarot · Post by **Godoftarot** » Sun Jan 09, 2005 8:54 pm

Look, you go for it or I'm gonna start appearing in front of you yelling "I am God of Tarot. Ur comic suk".

Okay, I can't do that really, but take it from me.
There was this guy in my Japanese class who was really cute. Very quiet, unobtrusive, and trying so hard to get through the class but struggling real bad. And he must work a lot, cause he was always in his work clothes.
I couldn't get up the courage to talk to him. Finally, he'd missed a week and something important the teacher taught us. I finally got up the courage and I went and offered to make a copy of what he missed for him.
Next week he didn't show up. And then the next week. He ended up dropping out, and I missed my chance.
Don't end up like me. I'll have to hurt you.

Collapse · Post by **Collapse** » Sun Jan 09, 2005 8:56 pm

THe one time I cared enough to take my chances, it didn't go well! Dammit all, why must life hate me!

But thanks again. I really hope this goes well.

Post by **Mercury Hat** » Sun Jan 09, 2005 9:22 pm

I'd say just don't be afraid of rejection. It sucks (I imagine, I don't ask people out so I don't know), but you'd get over it. Offer to go to lunch with her one day, something casual like "wanna get a bite to eat?" Strike up a conversation with her somehow. Does she have any pins, stickers, logos on her shirts, bag, binder, folder? Talk about those if they're unique enough.

As for the "nice" guys, to me there's nice and then there's sap. I knew a sap once, and he described himself, and other saps, perfectly: "Being mean to me is like kicking a puppy." This is not the kind of person you want to be. Doormats are only good for wiping off your feet.

Remember, nice guy can easily turn into romantic guy and I know that I'm a sucker for romance.

Godoftarot · Post by **Godoftarot** » Sun Jan 09, 2005 9:40 pm

Mercury_Hat wrote: As for the "nice" guys, to me there's nice and then there's sap. I knew a sap once, and he described himself, and other saps, perfectly: "Being mean to me is like kicking a puppy." This is not the kind of person you want to be. Doormats are only good for wiping off your feet.

Very well put. She's right, Collapse, that's definately not that kind of guy you want to be.

Collapse · Post by **Collapse** » Sun Jan 09, 2005 10:13 pm

I can be hurt easily... I don't know if that's exactly what you mean.

Oi, woe is me.

Keffria · Post by **Keffria** » Mon Jan 10, 2005 3:11 am

Hell, I had a guy call me "creepy".

Don't worry -- you survive. It's better to get yourself hurt than to live the rest of your life feeling all angst-ridden, wondering whether you should've just said something.

Phact0rri · Post by **Phact0rri** » Mon Jan 10, 2005 3:17 am

Keffria wrote:Hell, I had a guy call me "creepy"..

Should I mention how many guys call me creepy? course they are usually not the type I'd ever want to get cozy with. "come on guys backwards hats and starter jackers are so 1993!

On a more serious note...

THIS THREAD IS SO CUTE!!! sorry couldn't help myself. but its great to see how many people get all shy when talking about people they really like. I dunno I'd concider myself quite shy, and I've never asked out a girl/guy in my entire life. I'm just not good at talking my emotions. give me a guitar or a sketchbook and I'm set.

I suppose I'm lucky cause most people have no qualms about talking to me all "attractivey" so I don't know the first thing about asking someone for adate.

but I figure don't be all like "I LIKE YOU DO YOU LIKE ME?" kinda thing ease it in slow. talk to em as you would anyone you think is cool. ya know when ya meet someone who likes what you do and you develop a friendship. don't treat someone like they are packaged food. hang out and try to be thier friend and talk to them about stuff they like. then once you feel confident talk about "dah hook up"

Sam_Charette · Post by **Sam_Charette** » Mon Jan 10, 2005 4:50 am

Keffria wrote:Don't worry -- you survive. It's better to get yourself hurt than to live the rest of your life feeling all angst-ridden, wondering whether you should've just said something.

What Keffria said is the only piece of advice you really need, Collapse.

Sure, you're shy, and it doesn't help that the only one you asked out turned you down, but it won't always be that way, BELIEVE ME.

The more you do it, the more confidance in yourself you will have, and the more success you will have and, more importantly, the easier the words will come to you when you find someone you fancy.

No one can give you courage. No one can make you not shy. The only way it can happen is if you do it. You have to realize that just because someone says no it doesn't invalidate you as a worthwhile boyfriend. You just have to stick to it, and I guarantee you will find someone. It may not be this girl, and it may not be this year, but you will find someone.

The more you do it, the easier it will become. That, I promise.

McDuffies · Post by **McDuffies** » Mon Jan 10, 2005 1:55 pm

Hmmm...
Do you have a chance to subtly get to spend time with her? If so, while spending time with her, use your body language to let her know you like her. Wait for moves on her side. Eventually ask her out.
Don't overdo on innocent charm because then she might look at you as a friend, in which case she'll hardly turn to looking at you as a boyfriend.
If you don't have a chance to spend time with her, maybe it's better to swallow the noodle and just ask her out. Do it in person, not by the phone.

Collapse · Post by **Collapse** » Mon Jan 10, 2005 4:13 pm

I don't speak body language, McD. Asparagus.

I ending up being sick today and staying home, so there's no news.

I did, interestingly enough, have a dream about talking to her last night. We talked for maybe thirty seconds and it was going well until she said "Look, I'm not looking to make any friends" or something to that effect. I don't remember how I replied to that but I didn't freak out or lose my cool, so I guess that's a good sign.

McDuffies · Post by **McDuffies** » Mon Jan 10, 2005 6:17 pm

collapse wrote:I don't speak body language, McD. Asparagus.

Well, it's not a real language, you generally have to look directly at her a lot, "accidentally" touch her and stuff...

Godoftarot · Post by **Godoftarot** » Mon Jan 10, 2005 6:34 pm

mcDuffies wrote:
collapse wrote:I don't speak body language, McD. Asparagus.
Well, it's not a real language, you generally have to look directly at her a lot, "accidentally" touch her and stuff...

And if that sort of thing bothers her a lot, she'll think you're a freak and never talk to you again.
No offense, McDuffies, but not everyone likes being touched, accidentally or not. I know it would bother the hell out of me. Until you know her a bit, don't come on too strongly. Because right now you don't know for sure if she likes that and she may very well not. You could end up seriously offending her.

LAGtheNoggin · Post by **LAGtheNoggin** » Mon Jan 10, 2005 6:55 pm

I think by 'accidental touching' mcDuffies is refering to 'accidental' light brushing as you pass by; handing a cup or something and just brushing fingers, ya'know, touchy stuff, not obvious things. I honestly can't see anyone being offended by handing them a bottle or pen.

Body language is probably my favourite language of all. It tells so much and yet it's so hard to describe in words, that's the kind of language I like. It's also said to be most of our communication, which doesn't surprise me at all.

I generally give off quite negative body language, I know, and I let myself do it. Things like touching your face is usually nerves, lack of eye contact is another, hiding the hands is also another (but hands behind your back is confidence). What you do with your hands is important, probably second to your eyes. Keep thumbs on show. Stuff like that. It's mostly intuitive and logical when you start looking, most people don't know because they don't give it any thought, but it's easy when you look.

Touch is important too, but being English Malay means it's not something I do - that's like getting two conservative upbringings to the power of two - which kinda' sucks in a "Not the face! NOT THE FACE! ARGH ARGH! IT BURNS! IT BU~~~~RNS!" kinda way...

McDuffies · Post by **McDuffies** » Mon Jan 10, 2005 7:29 pm

Yeah, I didn't mean you should go grab her butt and then pretend you did it accidentally or something. If you're subtle it works unnoticeable, if you're rough, touching will come as rude but so will anything else you do.
Got, I seriously believe that you can make a person like you more with body language. If someone's very good at it, you might not notice it for a moment, yet, you'll end up a date liking him even though you don't know why.

Even though I agree, a kind of body language that is obvious, clumsy and so overused that it became a cliche - for instance, when the guy yawns or stretches in cinema and uses the move to hug her - that's so lame and rude.

But even so, acting speaks a lot. How else are you gonna let her know that you like her, if you think it's still early to say it with words? And you have to let her know that you fancy her somehow, you can't expect that girl will read your mind.
Take this for example: you talk with her. Conversation is going good. Now, the optimal case is that she's sitting next to you. This will not be the case often, as in caffe or in some other oportunities when you two are alone, when she will sit face to face with you, that means on the other side of the table.
But let's say you are sitting next to her. Conversation is going good and she's interested in what you're talking about. Then, you feel the right moment and casually touch her shoulder with your hand (not hug her - you touch the shoulder that is closer to you). That touch says something, and it's not weird as you achieved some kind of closenes through the conversation. It's basically a touch that is talking, just friends don't go around casually touching each other.
There's also a general behaviour. FI, You'll probably act a little too much interested in everything she says. You'll be a little forced funny. I don't generally think that's bad, if she's observant, she'll see you're trying your best.

Godoftarot · Post by **Godoftarot** » Mon Jan 10, 2005 7:36 pm

mcDuffies wrote:Yeah, I didn't mean you should go grab her butt and then pretend you did it accidentally or something. If you're subtle it works unnoticeable, if you're rough, touching will come as rude but so will anything else you do.
Got, I seriously believe that you can make a person like you more with body language. If someone's very good at it, you might not notice it for a moment, yet, you'll end up a date liking him even though you don't know why.

Okay, let's go out on a limb here...maybe she can't process body language.
Honestly, not everyone can be made to like you more by body language alone. Because some people don't have that ability to understand body language. Or facial expression, or tone of voice. You never know.

Collapse · Post by **Collapse** » Mon Jan 10, 2005 7:37 pm

I can't process body language! I cannot communicate in that form! At least not subtley. I can flip someone off, and I understand when someone flips me off.

Godoftarot · Post by **Godoftarot** » Mon Jan 10, 2005 8:12 pm

collapse wrote:I can't process body language! I cannot communicate in that form! At least not subtley. I can flip someone off, and I understand when someone flips me off.

I know how that feels. In which case I recommend not trying to communicate with body language, at least not on purpose (it happens sometimes) and not right away. You never know what you might be letting off.
I know that I let off "stay away from me" vibes. Even when I'm trying not to. It comes seeping through.

Honestly, just relax. Be yourself. There's no need to try this trick and that to get her to like you. You seem like a nice guy to me.

Oh, one very big, very important tip: listen well when she speaks. A good way to get to a girl's heart is to remember something she told you, especially months ago. Write it down if you have to, but don't forget.

Collapse · Post by **Collapse** » Mon Jan 10, 2005 8:21 pm

I remember random tidbits pretty well. Unfortunately, they tend to take up the space that important information should be in.

Collapse · Post by **Collapse** » Tue Jan 11, 2005 3:59 pm

Went to school today, but didn't do anything. I had a chance to talk to the guy but one of my friends was with me and I think he would have made fun of me endlessly. Or maybe I'm just a coward.

*depressed*