Telemarketers!

[Archae99]

I have a friend who keeps one of those canned air horns near his home phone.

For some reason, telemarketers usually don't call him back a second time.

I wonder why........

[ZOMBIE USER 12699]

There are fouler things than just orcs in the deep places of the earth... there are telemarketers too.

[David Adrian]

*Snicker* Now, how come ever'body's gotta be so down on telemarketers? Personally, I love 'em... little bit o' gravy, some cornbread, maybe a couple of beers...

Nah. I do like to have some fun with 'em, though. Usually, when one of 'em gets hold of me, it's on one of my days off, so I have aaaall the time I need. *Evil laugh* Wanna know the evilest thing you can do to one of 'em? Read on only if you have a truly malicious streak...

<SAMPLE SCRIPT>

Me: Hello?

Telemarketer: Hi, I'd like to give you the opportunity... <blah, blah, blah... they'll insert their own script here>

Me: Sure, sounds like a great deal. <Ad lib for a while. Be a perfect customer. Draw it out as long as remains plausible. Aim for the "largest sale" record.>

Telemarketer: Well, that appears to be everything. How will you be paying for this?

Me: Mastercard; the number is 8467<click>

<Telephone rings, usually in less than thirty seconds>

Me: Hello?

Telemarketer: I'm sorry; we got accidentally disconnected. Are you ready to continue with your order?

Me: Um... I've been sitting here all day, and this is the first time the phone has rung. I think you have the wrong number. But what were you selling?

<Repeat cycle for telemarketer's full endurance.>

I once had one try back an additional four times... anyone care to try and beat my record? <Evil grin>

[Angel Bear]

It's telefundraisers that have me up in a quandary. How do I tell the operator that I agree that partial birth abortion should be outlawed, religious liberties should be preserved, and all that other hooey, and then turn right around and tell him/her I got no money to put where my mouth is? Makes me feel like such a hypocrite to refuse these people.

[Andrick]

Tell them boldly, Angel Bear, and without hesitation. Say you believe in those things, debate with others about them and vote in line with those beliefs as often as you are able. It is your money and when you go about earning it you have already decided how it should be spent - likely prior to having been hired. Unless you had it in your head part of your income should go to political activities prior to someone asking for it, then you should have nothing to feel ashamed about in refusing to part with the money you earned.

If you really feel you must donate, then tell the person to call back in (X) months, at which time you'll have saved money specifically to give to their cause. A good measure of how much they care about you as a person rather than a wallet is whether or not they call back. If they don't call back, well you have a windfall to spend or save for another day.

[Msd22000]

Really folks, whats not to like about telemarketers. They contact you at your own home. On your own time. And, try and sell you things that you probably will never want or to get you to donate to causes that you probably don't support. All the while trying to make you feel like you are being rude for hanging up. Wait!! I just answered my own question didn't I.

In all honesty I think that telemarketing is about the rudest most intrusive marketing methodology out there. I don't hate the people trying to make a living doing it. I hate the companies that think that it is a legitimate way to sell their product. Unfortunately it must work enough that they make money with it, otherwise they would stop. But don't you worry. Give them a few years and I am sure that they will come up with something even more obnoxious.

Angel Bear - you're not being a hypocrite just because you say that you would like to donate but that you can't. You would be a hypocrite if you say that you would like to donate but still would not donate even if you had the money.

[UncleMonty]

Hey Angel Bear, about telemarketers?
If you give to them, a large percentage of that donation goes to the telemarketing company instead of the charity that hired them.
I just tell them: "I don't deal with telemarketers." And then I give to whomever I feel deserves it.
In fact, I make a point of never giving to any charity that has ever hired a telemarketer to call me.

[RHJunior]

Actually, three-quarters to nine tenths overhead is normal for *any* large charitable organization. It's basically unavoidable.
Small charities-- such as your local church or synagogue-- are a bit more efficient.
Remember that the next time you sling cash to Jerry's Kids....

[ZOMBIE USER 12886]

Let's get evil:

http://www.solicitorsnightmare.com

I think that's the right address. Let me know if it doesn't work. And if it does, you have another potential present to give to your loving family! Provided the person you give it to is not a telemarketer.

[UncleMonty]

Actually, three-quarters to nine tenths overhead is normal for *any* large charitable organization. It's basically unavoidable.
Small charities-- such as your local church or synagogue-- are a bit more efficient.
Remember that the next time you sling cash to Jerry's Kids....

Yep, that's right.
The telemarketing is just part of the overhead for those charities that use them.
Smaller charities tend to be more efficient because more of the work is done by volunteers rather than paid workers. Along with those paid workers, your money goes to their managment staff, CEO, and the rent and utilities for their offices.
Jerry's Kids buys television airtime for their annual telethon. Your donation helps pay for that, as well as helping those kids.
If you donate to some charities, your name goes on a list. You will receive junk mail and telemarketing requests for your money forevermore. The begging industry is Big Business.
It's best to stick with local organizations, like the churches and synagogues Ralph mentioned, as well as food-banks, clothing drives, and such.
This reminds me of an incident back in 1973 or so.. I was a volunteer with the local Amateur Radio Emergency Service in Kansas, during a flood. The local Mennonite churches provided some excellent support services free for those affected, while the Red Cross set up a table SELLING doughnuts and hot coffee.

[Msd22000]

RHJunior Wrote

Actually, three-quarters to nine tenths overhead is normal for *any* large charitable organization. It's basically unavoidable.

You're right there, but the problem is that many of the telemarketing firms take upwards of 80-90% of the donated money to cover their "overhead". And this is in addition to the Charity's overhead. So say you donate $100. The telemarketer takes $80, so $20 is left over for the charity. The charity then needs $15 to stay in operation so only $5 reaches the people that need it or is used for the stated purpose. Your money goes a lot farther by giving directly to the organization, which is why I never donate via telemarketer.

[Archae99]

I saw this one woman on a TV newsmagazine show, she had a great line about how well telmarketers do.

She said they are like a guy who wants to pick up women, so he goes around grabbing women in..well...sensitive spots at random, hoping they'll get lucky.

Fortunately here in WI we have a no call list.
Any telemarketers, INCLUDING political ones, call me, I can turn them in and they get a hefty fine for each call.

And the telmarketing lobbys went ballistic, screaming how thier "free speech rights" are "at risk."

Give me a (bleep)-ing break.

There is no first amendment "right" to call me with sales calls.

[UncleMonty]

Telemarketers should follow the same pattern that US Radio and TV advertisers use. Since those viewers and listeners get their service free, supported by the advertisers: You should get telemarketing calls only if they pay your telephone bill!!!

[ZOMBIE USER 12699]

I would LOVE it if they would pay my cellphone bill... I need to up my minutes... my bill last month was like $40 over what it normally is.

[Msd22000]

I love it. A per call anoyance fee. They call you and then deposit two or three bucks towards your phone bill. If you listen to their spiel they give you another two or three bucks. If you are running a positive balance at the end of the month the phone company sends you a check.

[CJ]

Happy new year

Telemarketers should follow the same pattern that US Radio and TV advertisers use. Since those viewers and listeners get their service free, supported by the advertisers: You should get telemarketing calls only if they pay your telephone bill!!!

There was such a deal over here: You had to preselect that company and your calls were free, every x minutes, a commercial was played. This offer doesn't exist any more since the called one wasn't able to decide ...

CJ