Here's some typography tips to make your comic readable.
1) use a sans serif font. In small text boxes like that, serif fonts are practically unreadable. You should never use serif fonts like that unless they are for larger blocks of dead tree text anyway.
Need free fonts?
http://www.1001fonts.com &
http://www.blambot.com are VERY good places to pick up some freebees.
If you aren't adversed to paying a few dollars,
http://www.myfonts.com has some good ones. Adobe.com also has good solid fontpacks.
2) rule of thumb for screen readable type is 10.5 pt. If your comic was on dead trees the font would be perfectly readable, but on screen you need to have a face of 10.5-11pt of usually a specially created font for screens such as 'digital script' from blambot. They are designed to be readable on screens. Having type that is difficult to read will kill your comic and be your #1 critism. People won't get past that. Take it from someone who knows.
3) put an off white line around the black text boxes. There is nothing wrong with the text boxes, but because the background art is so very dark as well, they need something to pop them out. Probably want to do it about 2 point.
I will agree with many of the above in that SOME of the artwork is great, or at least showing great potential, the art is inconsistant, which is jarring. There is great focus on figures from the same angles in the same boxes with abstract text that like was said reads more a poem than an actual, coherant story. The figures don't make a lot of sense. There seems to be a complicated story at work here, but I think its really pretty simple. Its a matter of a lot of unnessisary verbage. I can see several instances where the entire of the panels could be condensed into one single image. Also, the lack of distinctive backgrounds for pages leaves a reader floating. I'm STILL not sure exactly where things are taking place. There are a few instances where there are hints of backgrounds, but not enough consistancy to create a grounding.
Keep in mind that comics are a medium for showing a story, not tell one. If you want to tell a story, write a book. You should be able to take anything you write and turn it into imagery that a person should be able to look at a single page and get 1000 words out of it. Protagonist, his enviroment, his situation, and the dilemma should be introduced swiftly, like within 4 pages. And it has to be CLEAR. Most people won't go any further than that to 'get it'. Gotta keep it simple as possible. Comic readers have infuriatingly short attention spans.
I find the dialogue contains a lot of unnessisary repetition. Like for example, the first page, which I assume is the protagonist narrating has imagery that has NOTHING to do with his monologue. If this is about the protagonist, I want to SEE the protagonist in some way, and the fact he's writing something. I see in my head the image of a dingy, silenthill-esque apartment with a man hunched over a desk covered in bottles of various alchohols, with the looming shadow of his burden chimera as a full page establishing shot. Then I see a secondary small insert panel of his hand, a journal and some scribbles, with a much shorter narrative.
Example of distillation of narative:
<i>
" There is a bastard of a god out there, laughing at me. I haven't slept in months, and he knows it. The visions, the horrors, the inescapable truth of my work. I can't enjoy it anymore, it makes me sick. I can't stand the man I am, the man I was. I feel ill when I remember once, i did enjoy it." ( first page, establishing panel - Reasoning: Intregue, you don't have to be explicit. Let the words tantalize, don't say too much, but if you don't say enough, they won't be hooked.)
Panel with journal writing:
" I've been possessed by a demon, chimera, the wrath of the gods. Every time I see its face, hear its whisperings, there is less of me. I wanted this in writing that there was once a man who knew there were monsters in people, who knew slaughter and rape was justice, who was hated by all, even family if they had known."
"Heaven's glory be damned." (next page)</I>
Just as an example of shorter text, more art focus while still relating key points. I think with the amount of text there is a lack of emphasis on the actual important issues in the writing, and the lack of focus in the art creates a void for understanding how the words and art relate. I actually think the second page is a better first page, and the first page is a better second page in terms if its layout. But both, while having lovely art, do not support the words on the page.
You make some fantastic use of colors, but it gets very strange when you stop using them and go to black and white. I'm GUESSING that color is past and black and white is present, but you aren't as detailed with your BW work as your color work, which makes things jarring and hard to follow. And I see mostly all headshots. No hand, no body, just front and 3/4 shots mostly from the torso up. There is some variation in the color panels, which is probably why I care for them alot, but the overuse of heads creates an almost 'talking heads' effect that is boring and and makes it hard to follow because of this. The visuals aren't helping to really support the writing. The lined paper is also very distracting. You need to get rid of the lines.
The later work is better for at least giving more interesting perspectives, but it is extraordinarily surreal with no solid grounding in the beginning. But it ultimately goes back to the 'talking heads'.
Ultimately, in a comic, you should be at least able to get a basic idea of the story without words. Right now, I think this comic falls down in that aspect. I get the idea that its supposed to be surreal, and I'm usually all for the weird and surreal, but its just TOO surreal without enough grounding to hold it together, either artistically or storywise. I think its way too wordy than it needs to be and could be tightened drastically. I think that would help a lot.
Toss the fluff, get to the meat.
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And I checked out your pages too. It's a few text tweaks from being a masterpiece.
