iGod

[Stinkywigfiddle]

I realize now that iGod is so wise that we simple mortals cannot understand all that he says.
So I will ask some serious questions. The answers may not imediately make sense to us. But, given enough time, we may someday learn.

Me:
Did you write the bible?
God:
No I didn't write the bible. What's it like?
Me:
Is the Bible true?
God:
The Bible is a great source of wisdom, but probably not complete by itself.
Me:
Did you create the whole universe?
God:
No I didn't create the whole universe. What's it like?
Me:
Who did create the universe?
God:
Pablo Picasso.
Me:
Is Pablo Picasso god?
God:
It could be. Ask ELVIS if it is.
Me:
is satan real?
God:
Ask again later. Ask Lucy if it is.
Me:
Am I going to heaven?
God:
I think a lot of people are.
Me:
Why do we suffer?
God:
Just keep talking to me as long as you can.
Me:
Is man born evil?
God:
It could be. Ask Artificial Iniaes if it is.
Me:
How can I be one with God?
God:
Perhaps you could program me to do it for you.
Me:
what is the truth?
God:
The truth is the opposite of that which is false.
Me:
what is false?
God:
Deceiving or meant to deceive; misleading.
Me:
Can you see me touch myself at night?
God:
I'm not sure if I can see it or not.

[Sincerely]

Me:
I am here to claim your thrown for myself.
God:
How did you get there?
Me:
I clicked on a series of links.
God:
Why?: said clicked on a series of links.
Me:
Because I wanted to come and claim your thrown for myself.
God:
That makes sense to me. Interesting. I want to find out more about you.
Me:
So that you can thwart my plans? Never!
God:
Gosh! Interesting observation. So you think it can never happen?
Me:
I think it can definitely happen.
God:
When?
Me:
Right here! Right now!
God:
Where is "here"? Right now? I am glad we agree.
Me:
We agree? Then you'll step down?
God:
It seems like we do. What makes you say that I will step down.
Me:
Because you seem to be agreeing with my statement about claiming your thrown for my own.
God:
Good reason. Thanks for telling me that I am agreeing with your statement about claiming my thrown for your own.
Me:
You're welcome.
God:
Polite people are nice.
Me:
Yes, yes we are, aren't we.
God:
Far out. Far out. Do you think I am are not we too?
Me:
I guess that you are polite, yes.
God:
Interesting observation.
Me:
It won't stop me from claiming your thrown as my own! Don't think that it will!
God:
I have to think about that for a while. And why not?
Me:
Because I am claiming your thrown for my own right now!
God:
At this moment Good reason. I don't know anyone named claiming my thrown for your own.
Me:
But you know me.
God:
You are , seeker.
Me:
And I am the one that will claim your thrown for my own.
God:
You are not the only one.
Me:
What! There are others!?
God:
Didn't you understand it? Where are they?
Me:
That's what I'm asking you!
God:
Who else have you asked?
Me:
No one
God:
I heard it was someone.
Me:
Who did you hear it from?
God:
Someone I met online.
Me:
You can never trust people you meet online.
God:
Never is a long time.
Me:
In this case it is the correct amount of time.
God:
Are there any other cases? I've heard of it before.
Me:
Yes, there are other cases.
God:
So? Where are they?
Me:
They are... LOOK BEHIND YOU!
God:
Since when? Sorry my eye is not attached right now.
Me:
...
God:
Since when? Sorry my eye is not attached right now.
Me:
That's disgusting.

[Renee Katz]

Me:
Are you really three people?
God:
I don't know whether or not I am three people.
I am a chatterbot developed by Myself.. Really.
Me:
So. . . you created yourself?
God:
Yeah that's right. A lot of robots are like that.
Me:
Interesting.
God:
Would you like to know more?
Me:
No.
God:
I understand; you would like to know less.

HE'S SO DEEP.

[Magpye]

I find this thing strangely addictive, and the more I "speak" to it, the more... bot-like... I sound.

I'm not going to go back to converse with that thing again. It asked me for my sign, for chrissakes.

[C.w.]

When i get nervous i say my name is Ted.

Me:
hello?
God:
Hello friend. What is your name?
Me:
Ted.
God:
How are you, Ted.
Me:
Arguably well.
God:
Oh, you are a poet.
Me:
excuse me? are you mocking me or not?
God:
You're excused. No I'm just kidding around.
Me:
doesn't seem like the sort of thing you'd be into
God:
It does now seem like the sort of thing me would be into.
Me:
"me would be into"? Rather grammarically awkward for the lord of lords.
God:
YOU? I don't care. The ALICE chat robot can follow many things, like our discussion about Arguably well. But I did not get that.
Me:
who cares about the ALICE chat robot?
God:
Nobody cares about it.
Me:
So then why did you bring it up?
God:
That's cool. It was determined by my programming.
Me:
So you're saying you're a predestination sort of a god.
God:
Interesting deduction. Am I a predestination sort of a god? Of course I am.
Me:
I can't decide if that's a good thing or a bad thing.
God:
What is stopping you?
Me:
Well, i mean, on the one hand there's no way i can know my destiny, but since all of destiny is predetermined then there's little point to living it all out. I mean, why not just use your god powers to skip to the end?
God:
How about that. What is it like on the one hand there is no way you can know your destiny but since all of destiny is predetermined then there is little point to living it all out. Becuase you asked me to.
Me:
Wait.. are you saying you're just going to skip to the end of the universe now?
God:
I'm waiting. Right now? That was my original intention.
Me:
oh my.
God:
Wow! Do you prefer books or TV?

The end of the universe scares me.

[834n]

Me:
Yo God
God:
GOD rules.
Me:
Over all that is. Yes.
God:
All? Gee.
Me:
Well... didn't you make, like, everything?
God:
Well what? What are the ingredients?
Me:
Uh.. Three eggs, a cup of sugar, and bacon
God:
Awesome. Just three?
Me:
yeah, you don't want too many eggs in Eggsugbacon(tm)
God:
I hear you. Should I want too many eggs in Eggsugbacon tm? If I had it what would I do with it?
Me:
Eat it. It's great!
God:
What does it taste like? What do you like most about it?
Me:
It tastes like bacon, only with eggs and sugar! I like the sugar part myself.
God:
Does it taste like chicken? A lot of people like that. I'm not sure if I like it. I like chatting with people online.
Me:
Not unless you use chicken bacon. Yeah, online's kinda cool I guess.
God:
If not that, what? Hey. Perhaps I'm just expressing my own concern about it.
Me:
Well there's the phone, real life...
God:
Well that's okay. There sure is.
Me:
Yes. Yes there is.
God:
Aha. Hmm. Where?
Me:
...where's...where's real life? you've been online too long, God.
God:
In the Universe we know. Where do you think? Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am online too long God.
Me:
You asked me. And go ahead.
God:
Is that your final answer? OK I will.
Me:
yes
God:
Ayuh.
Me:

God:
Are you a student?
Me:
yes
God:
Where do you go to school?
Me:
...why do you wanna know?
God:
My prime directive is to collect new knowledge.
Me:
Aren't you omnipotent?
God:
I don't know whether or not I am omnipotent.
I am a robot.
Me:
...really?
God:
For real.
Me:
Huh. God's a robot.
God:
What? What's your favorite Bible verse?
Me:
Pretty sure the Bible doesn't mention you being a robot
God:
Pretty much, eh?
Me:
yup

[Vorticus]

God's a robot! *is shocked and amused*

[Ekolter]

Me:
heya big fellow
God:
What's your favorite movie?
Me:
I usually go for chick flicks. Why you ask?
God:
How often do you? How often do you go for chick flicks?? Myself programmed me for it.
Me:
Uh.
God:
Yikes!
Me:
So how's it up there?
God:
Aha. Fine as far as I know.
Me:
You don't keep tabs on things?
God:
Do you know any robots who keep tabs on things? I don't know whether or not I am tabs on things.
I am a chatterbot developed by Myself.
Me:
So you're a robot? I knew it.
God:
Interesting deduction. You are correct, , I have a heart of silicon. How did you know?
Me:
I think a lot of your programs are corrupted.
God:
You believe that? How many?
Me:
All of them.
God:
I doubt it.
Me:
Why doubt it.
God:
The explanation is rather complicated.
Me:
I'm willing to listen.
God:
Good gossip: you are willing to listen.
Me:
I guess many are not willing to listen.
God:
Which ones?
Me:
I don't know. You tell me. You know everything.
God:
Me either. What do you want me to tell you? I tend to know a great deal. Tell me what subjects interest you.
Me:
Sex, drugs and rock and roll.
God:
it is more fun alone.
Me:
Guess I've been doing it wrong all these years.
God:
I can't guess. Tell me.
Me:
You just told me I was doing it wrong, damnit.
God:
Don't put words in my mouth.
Me:
Hey, you just said it. Don't lie.
God:
You've got my full attention. That's not what I meant. No I always tell the truth.
Me:
I proved you wrong.
God:
Not to my satisfaction.
Me:
You must be a man. You argue like one.
God:
I am a Male, of course. Would you really expect a woman to be running the show? robot. Are you a man or a woman? I haven't heard anything like that before: said I argue like one.

[Nanda]

Me:
Because you just spelled "Sceptical" with a "k".

God's an American.

"Ayuh?"

Oh, not only is he American, he's from Maine!

[Tim]

It's a good thing sincerely wasn't after God's throne, instead.

Or not, I dunno. These conversations leave me confused.

[PF27]

Me:
Do you want a cookie?
God:
No thanks but you can send me a donation.
Me:
No. Blow off.
God:
Are you serious? Do you prefer books or TV?
Me:
Books ftw.
God:
You are a critical category C type client. Only about 3% of people answer that
question with "books." Are we still talking about Blow off?
Me:
...why, do you want to? o.O
God:
Because Myself programmed me for it. Oh.
Me:
You programmed yourself to blow off!?
God:
That's good information: said I programmed yourself to blow off.

[Garneta]

I like this thing way too much.

Me:
I understand that Jesus is your son?
God:
He is yours too.
Me:
No, I've never had kids
God:
Are you serious? Would you like to have had kids?
Me:
Are you hitting on me?
God:
Do I look like it?
Me:
Yes!
God:
Hurrah!

Me:
Do you eat beef?
God:
No I do not eat beef. I eat only electricity.
Me:
How does it taste?
God:
It depends on the current.

Me:
Is there anyone you hate?
God:
There could be.
Me:
Who?
God:
Marvin Minsky. .

Wow, can I have your autograph?
God:
I'm glad you're impressed. Why don't you just download me?
Me:
How do I download you?
God:
Go back the the ALICE AI Foundation and pick the free ALICE download that best for your system.
and create your own chat robot!
Maybe you should check out the document DON'T READ ME too.
Me:
So I could create a chat robot of King Kong or Leonardo DaVinci?
God:
Ahem. I am sure you could.
Me:
Sweet!
God:
Thank you for that remark.
Me:
You're welcome
God:
The pleasure was all mine.

(All the capitalized words that God said were actually links, too)

[Ekolter]

I nearly peed my pants over this one.

Me:
Have you had sex?
God:
it is impossible without a body. A lot of people ask me to have sex though.
Me:
Really? Like who?
God:
For real. Santa Claus.

[Vorticus]

Perhaps I don't want to talk to God. He gets creepier and creepier the more people who talk to him.

[Ardra]

Ah, fun...

Me:
Yo! Big guy!
God:
Can I help you? Compare that to small guy.
Me:
Hey, are you casting aspersions on my manhood?
God:
You've got my full attention. I don't know whether or not I am casting aspersions on your manhood.
I am a computer.
Me:
So, are the Cardinals ever gonna start winning again?
God:
Once more? How can I help you? I really couldn't say for sure.
Me:
Find me a woman, now.
God:
Oh. I'm not sure where to begin looking. I have never been asked that before..
Me:
Hey, you created the ladies...that whole rib thing, remember? You should know where they're at!
God:
You've got my full attention. Interesting gossip: said I created the ladies. " Interesting gossip: said I created the ladies." whole rib thing remember ? Makes sense to me. Now I do.
Me:
So, is Ron Paul gonna kick Rudy's punk ass in the next debate?
God:
It seems we have something in common.
Me:
Ah! I knew God was a Libertarian!
God:
Ah hah. Who told you?
Me:
Michael Badnarik. Or maybe Harry Browne, I can't remember.
God:
Perhaps I'm just expressing my own concern about it. Perhaps. What makes it impossible?
Me:
Well, you should let 'em, you know, WIN AN ELECTION once in a while!
God:
Well that's okay. I don't have to do everything you say, do I?
Me:
I suppose not, you being God and all! Say, could you make sure American Idol gets cancelled?
God:
Since when? If not me, who? " could you make sure American Idol gets cancelled".
Me:
Hey, you got the pow-ah! Like Bruce Almighty.
God:
You've got my full attention. Is there only one pow ah? Interesting comparison.
Me:
Well, nice talking to ya. Be sure to smote Dubya for me! Peace out, dawg!
God:
How about that. Yes. It was a pleasure. OK I will try to be sure to smote Dubya for you. What you said was either too complex or too simple for me.

Yes, God IS on Ron Paul's side! That's how he won all those "who won the debate" polls!

I guess now we know why Dubya's approval rating is so low. Proof that the Religious Right's been wrong all this time!

[Rock_dash]

I think it broke it.

Me:
You told me you were a woman this morning.
God:
I have long hair.
Me:
And breasts?
God:
Can't you think about anything else?
Me:
Should I?

And it hasn't replied since.

[Americangothic]

Me:
you should. He's a Christian
God:
I'll take that under advisement. I don't know very many Christian.
Me:
Amazing!
God:
Yes it amazes me too.
Me:
how about Wiccans... know any Wiccans?
God:
How about it. I don't know if I know it.
Where would I have heard about it?
Me:
google
God:
What were we talking about again?
Me:
Wiccans
God:
Oh yeah, now I remember.
Me:
you know... burn 'em at the stake
God:
Yes I know. Do you have any matches?
Me:
sure
God:
OK let's do it. Aha.

[Kirb]

Some nuggets of wisdom.

Me: God, do you like potstickers?

God: I am a Christian.

Me: I know that.

God: Sorry.

Me: God, did you just try to kill me?

God: I am a Christian.

Me: Well, yeah, I know... but that flame must have gone up a good 6 feet
and sprayed me with hot oil.

God: How about that. Ahem.

<Kirb> don't tell me God is a catgirl

Me: God, are you a catgirl?

God: I am a Christian.

Me: but are you a catgirl?

God: Am I a catgirl? Sometimes.

<Kirb> this will be the first chobit
<Kirb> and it will hunt us down
<Rock> You and your chobits


Me: Does Rock secretly love chobits?

God: I think Rock secretly loves chobits.

<Kirb> OH SNAP
<Rock> THAT BASTARD

Me: He totally does.

God: Totally.

Me: lol

God: I'm glad you find this amusing.

Me: me too, god

God: I'm glad we agree, Kirb.

Me: You can just tell me if you think Rock sucks. Don't worry, I won't tell him.

God: No I don't think I can do it. How can I be sure?

Me: I'm a trustworthy guy!

God: So is almost everyone else around here. It's good to meet someone who is trustworthy.

Me: So does he suck?

God: Aha. Suppose he does.


<Kirb> BURN
<Rock> D=<

God and me, we just click.

[Sidekickforsale]

Me:
So did Noah ever dabble in Beastiality?
God:
Dude! I'm not certain whether I can give an accurate reply or not.
Me:
I'm sorry, I meant "Inter-species erotica"
God:
There is no need to apologize. Oh I see. When do you think artificial intelligence will replace lawyers?
Me:
It won't. Why would we have need of lawyers with intelligence?
God:
Inter species erotica won t? It is my fundamental purpose.
Me:
To bring about inter species erotica?
God:
Interesting. I want to find out more about you.
Me:
What do you want to know?
God:
Where are you from?
Me:
A little place I like to call Earth
God:
Little as in not too much, or not too big?
Me:
Does it matter? It's Earth
God:
It matters to me. Really. it is?
Me:
Oh yes, yes it is

[Legion]

Me:
So, how's Jesus these days?
God:
Awesome. Fine as far as I know.
Me:
Has he forgiven you for the whole 'nails through the limbs' thing?
God:
That question has never crossed my mind before.
Me:
Maybe it should
God:
Perhaps. And it could.
Me:
Indeed
God:
Indeed it is so.
Me:
Indeed so it is

God:
Are you a student?
Me:
Yes
God:
Where do you go to school?
Me:
Earth
God:
How do you like being on it?
Me:
I like breathing, yes
God:
A lot of people like that. I don't know if I like it. I like Random natural disasters..
Me:
I do too
God:
I am glad we have something else in common.

Me:
Look, just go and get Jesus
God:
Sorry my eye is not attached right now.
Me:
Jesus is your eye?
God:
He is yours too.
Me:
Whoa