Crits, crits, CRITS! Quick!

[El]

No-one seems to be posting criticisms of my comic over at TWCL anymore, either because I'm kinda 'known' there now...or they're just bored. So I'm gonna play the 'aw, look, a lil newbie, let's kill it!' card here... Look how new I am! I've only made...fifteen posts! (Drat, I was hoping to get to this whilst that was still in single figures. Hey ho...)

So, please check out my comic! [/cliche] The Broken Mirror on which I collaborate with JJ Naas. Read it, look at it, poke it with a stick and give me some feedback: on the art, the writing, the site, story as a whole or single pages. Pretty please?

There are a couple of things that are already on the to-do list - coming up with a new, smaller image for the front page and rewriting the first ten or so pages of the story; people felt they were too wordy when we started out; they've been edited down somewhat since, but I still plan to rewrite them once I get some time and feel really confident in my ability to script for comics. N of course I'd like to hear thoughts from people here on these issues, too.

So, yup, thanks. ^^

[Black Sparrow]

Sorry I can't give you anything full, especially regarding your writing. My attention span is pretty poor at the moment.

I love the art style. It's very soft but expressive. For some reason, when I saw the title image, I thought "Harry Potter." Don't ask me why; I have no idea. Maybe the color scheme?

There is one thing I'd like to comment on regarding that art, though... Characters' eyes seem to drop a bit down the face when viewed from the side. It's not bad, and could very much be viewed as a stylistic thing, but it looks odd considering the finesse with which frontal and 3/4 views are drawn.

I agree with the "wordiness" thing on the first couple pages, so I won't go into it.

The writing, overall, is cute, with some quirky moments, and some tense moments. I have a difficult time understanding the anger in Galen's father, though. We're not supposed to like him, I know, but understanding might be nice. He just seems mean right-off, and I want to know why. Then again, my poor understanding may be due to the fact that my reading was somewhat cursory.

The title image on the site is nice... and, frankly, since you don't have a comic on the page, a big image is probably a good thing, especially for drawing in readers.

One thing I don't like, however, is how long it takes to get to any actual comic content. To start the comic, I had to click "archives," click "chapter 1 page one," pass through a "credits" page, and pass through a plain black title page. That's four clicks. Now, in the big picture, those four clicks aren't going to ruin my day, or even stop me from reading the comic... but I was pretty annoyed by the inconvenience once I got to the first actual page. I don't know what you might do to eliminate this, other than putting the "credits" page somewhere else.

Also, consider putting the "archives" page in rows seperating the chapters, so it's not just a clump of numbers.

Overall, the art is pretty, and the writing is true-to-life. I'll give this a more thorough read when my attention span is a bit longer.

[RadPal]

The best news I (or anyone else) can give you: the storyline engaged me. I read all of the comics up until the current one.

The art is good enough so that it draws the reader in, as well.

So far the story is depressing, but I think that's the point. And the part with Galen was sad, but in a good way that it keeps me interested in seeing what will become of him.

But yeah, clean bill of health from me

[El]

RadPal - re: adding content to your site - set up a links page, we could do an exchange... ^_______^ Broken Mirror is kind of dark at the moment, yeah, and it is intentional. There's some much lighter stuff later on, though, as well as some comedy, (character based, I'm not really into gags...) so hopefully it'll balance out overall.

Black Sparrow: That's a nice long post for someone with a low attention span, (though I'd love to hear your thoughts once you feel you've read it thoroughly too! ) So let's see:

The archives: Yah they are starting to look a bit cluttered heh? I haven't really got round to looking at them whilst thinking at the same time since about page twenty, but you're right: I'll get the chapters on separate lines right away.

The clicking: Hmm, yeah...I added the chapter pages after finishing chapter two, when I really felt there had to be some kind of break before the start of chapter three...but I could certainly relocate the credits...and perhaps the chapter pages would better convey the feeling of getting into the comic sooner if they had 'front cover' type images to accompany the text, (rather than the plain black background.) Whadd'ya think?

The wordiness: I expect people to agree there really, it'll be reworked sometime soon. Though, it's great to hear you like the front image - so do I. I'm loathe to part with it, but it comes down to a consensus amongst the readers n what they find accessible - so any more thoughts on this from anyone would be more than welcome.

The eyes: are, yes, a kinda stylistic thing. The art is a mix of Manga and European influences, and yah, it's executed with a great degree of consideration, but doesn't attempt to achieve a totally realistic result either. But I'll watch out in future, make sure they don't drop TOO low. ^^

Galen's father: His bitterness and motivations will be explained in the next chapter or so, but no the reader is not supposed to like him.

Thanks again for that - and other people, come post criticisms! I like them, they're useful n fab n stuff.

[Geekblather]

Granted- I didn't think Harry Potter, when I first looked at the strip. But, I don't think I've ever compared anything to Harry Potter- so- uh- I wouldn't know.

I'm trying really hard to think of some constructive criticism for you, since you asked for it, but- in all honesty, I think that it's a beautiful strip. Actually, I think I remember voting for you on the WCCA...

Hmm.

Sometimes the hands look a little funky, very square, and without bones sort of. It isn't always noticeable, but in the closeups, it's a little jarring, and makes me concerned that their fingertips were cut off.


Carp. I'm trying to think of things, but mostly what I can think of is "Oh god the pretty colors."

Oh yah, and I'm also more than happy to exchange links with you- as now I have to add this to my links page anyway...

[El]

Heh, yeah, gotcha about the hands. ^_______^ Working on it. N aw, thanks for voting for us.

Sure, I'm link friendly: have you got a 200x40 banner?

Anyone got any, hem...you know, critique?

[Geekblather]

I do have a banner, that you can use.
I poked around the site looking for banners, but I didn't see any. And now that I'm not wrapped up in the story, I'll go back and look for some more critique stuff and get back to you.

[RadPal]

El- here's my banner. I noticed you have four different ones to choose from on your site, is there one you'd prefer I use?

[El]

Ooh goodie, I can add you both at once. I'll go do that now.

Geekblather - just click links on the site and scroll down a bit; you'll find four 'link to us' banners. N sure, please do leave any more critiques you come up with.

RadPal, nup, that's why there's a selection: you can just pick your fave. ^____________^

Thanks guys.

EDIT: Okay, you're up! Now I'm gonna go fix that archive page.

[RadPal]

Okay, text link replaced with your banner. You're set.

[Geekblather]

*Also added to my links page.

[Guyford]

The use of color, shading, and perspective is really well done and I like the way that the story progresses. Also, the changes in both appearance and speech patterns as the characters aged were handled really well.

There were only 2 minor issues that I had with the comic. The first was the large amount of text in the beginning. My eyes kind of glazed over when I saw it (I've been wordy in my comic as well though...) But since you said it's already a known issue, that's no biggie since you are working on changing it. The second one is that some of the speech bubbles have a corner cut out of them, and it looks a bit odd (page 36 and 37). There are only a few clipped bubbles out of the many you've got, so it's not something that jumps right at you. It just looks a bit funny.

Pretty awesome work!

[El]

Guyford - thanks for your comments! Re: the text, well, as I said, you said...and pretty much everyone else who's read it has said - it's wordy. And I do want to get that fixed sometime soon.

Your comment on the speech bubbles however is a new one - I often tend to put the text at the top/bottom/in corners so as to avoid covering any more of the artwork than necessary - but reviewing it, especially on the pages you linked, I do see your point - it's something I'll have a play with.

Anyone else?