The thread of Funny

[Ruby Falls]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Oplm1Zl ... re=related

It takes a couple of seconds to get to the SNL Star Wars part, but my parents have been singing this to me since before I'd heard of SNL.

[Ciararavenblaze]

[Jonmisc]

I found this one quite a few years ago (before Sept. 2001, I'm sure).

[Garneta]

Oh holy shit! That's awesome...you're downloading COMMUNISM! And the red-faced guy...Ha! rofl, even. That's right, rofl!

Fuck...I swear I'm not as drunk and retarded as I sound!

[Ciararavenblaze]

[Jonmisc]

Another pic of unknown origin:

[Ciararavenblaze]

[Ruby Falls]

Mikey: I want to write the next Dirty Dancing. Only more awesome, if it's possible.

Ruby: I want to write that one novel that people will still be reading a million years later, like To Kill a Mockingbird. Y'know, that one book that really makes a difference.

Mikey: [pause] To Kill a Mockingbird was written in the 60s.

Ruby: Yeah.

Mikey: Ah, I see. You want to be the next Bible writer.



(I do love Mikey!)

[Ciararavenblaze]

a rabbi and a preacher walk into a bar and say "ouch".

[Ruby Falls]

I was telling my dad about this really self-righteous non-denominational Chrisitan that I know. This person likes to tell me about this Christian camp that he goes to anytime the religion subject comes up. He thinks he's telling me about this camp for the first time. My dad started laughing and said, "It's pretty unfortunate for somebody that goes to an evangelical church to forget what he's told you."

[Ciararavenblaze]

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=ELRbeC3BlwI

mostly, I like that she went "but where the fuck were you guys??" but it's all pretty funny. be sure to read the submitter's comment info for the transcript of what she's saying. it helped me plenty.

[Garneta]

I called mom while ago, and she'd just woken up and tried to answer the remote instead of the phone.

[Ruby Falls]

So there's this mountain and if you jump off of it and shout what you want to be, all of your wishes come true.

Three friends named Dick, Ron, and Harry went to the mountain. Harry jumped off and yelled "Musician!" and landed on the ground a musicican. Dick jumped off and yelled "Famous actor!" and his wish came true.

Ron, however, didn't get the memo. He thought that his friends had jumped to their deaths. He lept off of the moutain screaming "Harry! Dick!"


(Thank you, Jack, for telling this joke.)

[Ciararavenblaze]

[Ruby Falls]

Where in Heaven's name do you get this pictures, Cyndi?

[Ciararavenblaze]

google image search "funny pictures", or simply google it and pick a website and then look for one that isn't completely stupid, offensive, or just plain retarded.

[Jonmisc]

Here's a joke from Cyndi:

Q: How many virgins does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Who knows? They haven't tried it yet.

[Ciararavenblaze]

[Garneta]

Q: How many virgins does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Who knows? They haven't tried it yet.

[Ciararavenblaze]

stolen shamelessly from one of those joke websites...

A teacher gave her class of 11 year olds an assignment: To get their parent to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.

The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.

Ashley said, "My father's a farmer and we have a lot of egg laying hens. One time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of the car when we hit a big bump in the road and all the eggs got broken."

"What's the moral of that story?" asked the teacher.

"Don't put all your eggs in one basket!"

"Very good," said the teacher.

Next little Sarah raised her hand and said, "Our family are farmers too. But we raise chickens for the meat market. One day we had a dozen eggs, but when they hatched we only got ten live chicks, and the moral to this story is, 'Don't count your chickens before they're hatched'."

"That was a fine story Sarah. Michael, do you have a story to share?"

"Yes. My daddy told me this story about my Aunt Sharon. Aunt Sharon was a flight engineer on a plane in the Gulf War and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a bottle of whiskey, a machine gun and a machete.

She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't break and then she landed right in the middle of 100 enemy troops. She killed seventy of them with the machine gun until she ran out of bullets. Then she killed twenty more with the machete until the blade broke. And then she killed the last ten with her bare hands."

"Good heavens," said the horrified teacher, "what kind of moral did your daddy tell you from that horrible story?"

"Stay the fuck away from Aunt Sharon when she's been drinking."