Wholesome Coolness. Woo.

Jesusabdullah · Post by **Jesusabdullah** » Thu Aug 11, 2005 12:16 am

I just realized I have thirty comics now, so I figured now would be as good a time as any to pitch.

Okay, first thing I guess would be to give my url. It's http://wholesomecoolness.comicgenesis.com...yup. Not the best name in the world, but I'm okay with that.

Lessee, and before KrisX tells me to tell you more about my comic...I don't really have a ongoing storyline through all my comics (though I'm running a short story right now). Some of them (okay, most) are semi-auto-biographical because I'm easy to write for, but that isn't really a rule. I usually aim towards funny, but I don't really know if I am funny or not. Most of my recent projects were drawn with a wacom tablet, but some of them have line art done on paper, inked and scanned.

Finally, I drew the currently-running story last summer, so I figure I'd better hook on something current here (plus, the guidelines say I should include an image). The following is from something I started today, so it's not up yet (or anywhere close to done for that mattter). I don't really think this frame on its own is funny, so it's okay if you don't either--it's just meant to show what my latest drawings look like. Anyhow.

So yeah, go ahead and look and gimme feedback, advice, whatever. I'd be happy if you did.

*watches his hit counter go through the friggin' roof*

(oh, and sorry if I don't make a lot of sense. It's a few hours past my bedtime.)

Subhuman · Post by **Subhuman** » Thu Aug 11, 2005 8:27 am

I'd work on coming up with better punchlines. It's hard, I know, but strips like this and this don't really have a joke. "Your mom" isn't a punchline, and the CD burning one doesn't work as a gag. It's hard to explain what I mean, but there needs to be an actual joke in there somewhere. Right now it's just timing.

Also, the linework is really messy, particularly in the first few strips. Perhaps that's your style, but when you add speech bubbles and perspective changes it makes things confusing, like here. It looks like you just scribbled most of it in a few minutes. The frames are really close together, so it's hard to tell where your eye should flow. And the first frame of this strip is just way too busy. Ironically, your Star Trek parody and the latest story about the cyborg both look cleaner than the regular strips.

My advice (coming from someone who draws stick figures, I know)- clean up your lines, and study some books about human anatomy and figures. I know that's what everyone says, but it seriously helps. You can keep your cartoonish style but still make your figures look better simply by studying the human body and the way it moves and poses. As for the humor, well, you can't really teach comedy. You apparently read a lot of webcomics, so study the ones that really make you laugh and figure out why they're so effective. Strips like Penny Arcade and Ctrl-Alt-Del work because they're based on old-school setup-and-punchline humor, which has worked for decades. In general, stuff that makes you laugh in real life doesn't translate well to the page, since real-life humor depends heavily on timing and situation - the "you had to be there" principle. On the page, you need to have a solid joke that everyone can relate to, along with timing.

Hope that helps. I don't mean to cut you up, because your comic isn't bad - it just needs some work.

Jesusabdullah · Post by **Jesusabdullah** » Thu Aug 11, 2005 9:38 am

Naw, I had suspicions of all of that. I know a good few of my comics don't have punchlines (it's a fairly common problem for me) and yeah, the hammocking one... I really didn't want to run it in the first place--it was meant for a really specific audience of about 5 people--but I didn't have anything better for it. Still, your advice looks helpful. Hopefully I won't be lazy and I'll listen. Thanks.

Nutcracker · Post by **Nutcracker** » Thu Aug 11, 2005 11:28 am

Your strips, buttons... Everything is huge! Giant! My scrolling finger hurts

Bad JuJu · Post by **Bad JuJu** » Sat Aug 13, 2005 7:39 am

Subhuman wrote:I'd work on coming up with better punchlines.

Agreed, here. Your strips did have me grinning to myself like an idiot, but that was because I just got such a kick out of the crazy, erratic way they're drawn-- it's humorous, in a way, but I agree with Subhuman that you could apply better anatomy and detail without sacrificing the zanyness.

Phact0rri · Post by **Phact0rri** » Sat Aug 13, 2005 12:13 pm

Bad JuJu wrote:
Subhuman wrote:I'd work on coming up with better punchlines.
Agreed, here. Your strips did have me grinning to myself like an idiot, but that was because I just got such a kick out of the crazy, erratic way they're drawn-- it's humorous, in a way, but I agree with Subhuman that you could apply better anatomy and detail without sacrificing the zanyness.

as they say understanding the basic principles of anatomy should be a first before breaking the rules for cariacture... relearning anatomy helped me out a lot in my comic. its still nothing to write home about, but I'm still getting the basic form compositions down all over again.

Valuedan · Post by **Valuedan** » Mon Aug 15, 2005 11:14 am

Here's some advice that I'm trying my damnedest to follow myself: just draw your characters over and over and over doing different things until you've got them consistent-looking. Even the least human-like human characters can look like gold when you've drawn them enough times.

Stolle · Post by **Stolle** » Thu Aug 18, 2005 1:03 pm

Radewagon · Post by **Radewagon** » Fri Aug 19, 2005 3:02 am

Y'know, a while back, i did a sin city themed strip that everyone said was bloody friggin brilliant. I love the strip myself but hate that I have to live in its shadow. That's sort of the way I think you might end up feeling about your scott mcloud strip. It's bloody friggin brilliant. And if for no other reason than hating myself for not doing it before you did, I like your comic. You do have some issues with punch lines. But then, I thought the "your mom" throw-away-line was hilarious. Your art needs help. Your punchlines need help. Luckily, these can best be fixed by creating more strips. You'll get the hang of it. It's a very normal and organic process. Keep up da good work.

Jesusabdullah · Post by **Jesusabdullah** » Fri Aug 19, 2005 9:34 am

It's probably time to reply to everybody. So lessee...

Nutcracker: Yeah, I thought so but everybody I talked to (with 800*600 screens) was like, "Naw dude, it's fine!", so I didn't mess with it. I think that was one of my bigger problems (besides sucky punchlines) was that my friends didn't want to tell me what they really thought.

About proportions: Really, I rarely thought of it as a problem, though I do find that the proportions I know are helpful (I know a few).

Stolle: Thank you? I think?

And Radewagon: Thank you! Nobody got that one when I showed them. That one was just good luck too--I thought of it and drew it within, like, two hours.

Anyhow, thank everybody for their feedback, advice, encouragement, etc.

Akujintails · Post by **Akujintails** » Mon Aug 22, 2005 12:44 am

Anatomy takes ages to get right (at least I found it hard), and I didn't used to consider it important, but lots of fussy people kept saying my drawings looked deformed nyu, so I had to look at lots of different pictures of different ages people of both genders just to observe their anatomy... sure it's loads of trouble, but it does make it look all that more professional, nyu.