SevenCurrents wrote:I enjoy the dialogue, it fits well with the existing cannon. Pacing and posing of the lego figures is pretty spot on in most scenes, though I would work on your buildings and backgrounds. While they are amazing lego models of houses and trains and etc, working with the naturally bright colors of the lego characters makes it incredibly difficult for my eyes to focus on the characters, rather than a line of bright red tiles in the building behind him, etc. With as detailed and busy as the backgrounds are, and the fact that the colors are in many instances identical to the characters, my eyes have to scan a frame several times before I figure out what I'm looking at.
In short, it takes me more than a few seconds to isolate what exactly I'm looking at, which makes me less inclined to read it.
I'm glad I did, though. The writing is great.
Thanks!
As far as buildings go... my piece supply interferes with color coordination. Still, I appreciate the critique and will aim to improve the contrasts!
Killbert-Robby wrote:As long as this isn't just Harry Potter fanfiction with legos...
Well, I suppose any fictional story set in somebody else's setting counts as "fanfiction." But if you mean do I obsess over relationships, try to twist canon by the arm to make it suit me, or give long, flowery prose sections describing annoying new characters, then no. There are original characters in the story, but they've all passed the Mary Sue litmus test
I hope you've had a chance to check it out!
