Could I get some advice?

[Collapse]

It might be too late to implement it, but I guess it can't hurt to get some advice I might have use for again someday.

Suppose a person - let's just say, me - likes a girl, but he doesn't know how to tell her. Suppose further that 'I' don't really know the girl all that well, I just knows she's very intelligent and funny and I find her attractive. Continuing on with the suppositions, suppose I talk to her very little to almost never, and never about anything more important or significant that the latest chemistry test.

In such a situation, what would be the best course of action? What would be something good to say? Or, barring that, how does an individual get rid of a crush on someone?

The first person who says this takes them back or reminds them of their younger years or talks about silly teenage problems or anything of the sort gets one between the eyes.

[Toxic]

Our little Collapse is growing up right before our eyes.

In such a situation, what would be the best course of action?

Make the first move if you're interested in her. Move at a moderate pace, meaning don't move too fast that you'll scare her off.

What would be something good to say?

Try to talk about your interests. If you and this girl have common interests, you'll find that you'll click better.

Or, barring that, how does an individual get rid of a crush on someone?

Oh, you just want to get rid of your crush on her? That's a tricky matter. Crushes are usually just based on hormones and looks. You may just have to wait it out cold turkey.[/quote]

[Caduceus]

Just had to be the first, eh Toxie?

My answer: either invent a way to go back in time to talk to her more or just chalk it up as a learning experience. I think a girl might find it a bit creepy if someone who hardly ever talks to her despite seeing her fairly regularly up and asks her out on a date or something. That's just my guess, though.

[Toxic]

Just had to be the first, eh Toxie?

I used to write for my school newspaper's advice collumn. "Ask Hakeem".

[Yeahduff]

Do you really think we'd all be working on webcomics all the time if we could talk to girls?

[Ferguson]

Just tell her you're a successful webcomic artist. She'll go nuts. If that doesn't work, tell her you know "the" McDuffies!

[Dutch!]

Say 'I love you, mum'.

[Steverules]

Collapse, this is easy. First, how is the eye contact between you two? When you walk by make eye contact. Don't break it. And smile. If she holds the eye contact and smiles back that is good. Means she's interested. (If she doesn't you still got a chance but it requires more work so that'd be a later post.) Do the eye contact thing a few times (not in the same day or you're gonna creep her out) spread it out over a few days. The third or fourth time you break contact. Look around then glance back to see if she is still looking. Trust me the eyes will tell you EVERYTHING.
So, now she is making good eye contact, now you approach. You HAVE to find something she is interested in and bring that up. Universal rule: People LOVE to talk about themselves. I don't care if she is interested in doll clothes, you go up to her and start a discussion about doll clothes. Find something she is interested in and she'll do all the talking. Gives you time to assess the situation and plan your next move. Now, you have two approaches at this point, you've got to pick one and get in the mindset. You can go for cool and cocky (mindset: She's lucky I'm even giving her the time of day). Now you don't act like an ass or jerk and don't tell her that, but take the attitude if she's in cool, if not cool. Experience says if women know you blubber over them, they lose interest. (Now, women, I don't need you jumping all over me as a sexist for this comment. The times when I've acted like the biggest jerk were the times women showed interest. Nice guys just don't do it for whatever reason.) Your second approach is what I call the lost puppy dog. Get in the mindset that your are a lost puppy dog that needs a home. Sounds stupid, but I swear to God it works. When you flash lost puppy dog eyes at a woman. . .SCORE. Of course this only works on certain women so you really have to know your gal. The sensitive types love it. Again, both approaches are attitude.
Once your in then it's just keeping good conversation going. Forget this is a hot girl you want. If you're intimidated by her she will be able to tell and write you off. Oh, and be funny. Ladies dig funny. Stupid funny.
And if you feel comfortable with asking her out do it. Here is my LAST piece of advice and please listen to Steve on this one. On your date, kiss her. Just once. You don't want to come off a sexual predator and be all over her but you've got to get one kiss. Why? I've seen too many friends go out with a girl they liked and didn't kiss her on the first date because they were too nervous. Second date, no kiss, still nervous. Third date, now it's awkward to try to get a kiss. After all we've been out a couple of times already and you didn't try, now it's like we are just a couple of good friends. Good Friends gets you a kiss. . . a kiss of death. If she is open to the kiss (a nice quick end of the date kiss with a "I had a great time and would love to do this again") then you're gold, if not, eh, you tried and you can move on. Either way you know.
Trust me I know all.

[Kevin Wolf]

Wait for a catastrophic invasion of the living dead, then impress her by grabbing a cricket bat and totally saving her ass.

[Sam_Charette]

Life is too short. Just ask her out. It doesn't have to be a big deal, just ask her to some coffee or something. Life is too short for games.

I've also found that the best way to get over a crush IS to ask the person out. If she says yes, then great. If she says no, I find that the crush tends to go away.

Either way, if you don't ask her out you may end up hung up on her for a while and missing out on other opportunities. If you do, what's the worst that can happen? She says no. Whoopie do. Life goes on exactly as it would have had you not asked her, except you're now free to persue other interests.

It's win-win.

[Chrismills]

Damn steve, you've got this worked down to a science. KeenPimp

I don't really have advice to give, because most of the girls I was into before I met my fiancee probably thought I was some kind of geek. Which I am. Maybe your lady love is into that sort of thing.

[Steverules]

Bake her a cake. Worked in Napoleon Dynamite. Oh, it didn't work.
Sam, good advice, but seeing how he's asking for help it tells us he may be a little shy in that department and while "just go ask her out" is great advice, most shy guys (and gals) won't do it because they don't like rejection. And artistic types have egos more fragile than the rest. Collapse, she may be more interested in you than you realize. After I got out of high school I had more female classmates tell my mom they had crushes on me and wish I would have asked them out. Not just one, but a few. I had NO idea and too bad for them they didn't take advantage of their opportunity and they missed the boat. Don't be like those girls in my high school who let opportunity pass them by. And they will live with that the rest of their lives. Poor women. Ask her out.

[Godoftarot]

Oi! Men don't know crap about girls! >.<

So you like her? You think she's intelligent? Well, if she really is, this shouldn't be that difficult. Girls don't bite (well, not all of them). Start by talking to her. If you think it will really make her nervous to have you suddenly talking to her, and it might (if she's not an outgoing person) then start slowly. Just talk to her a little bit more than you usually do and if she's responsive then you won't have to worry about her being nervous of you.
If she asks why you're talking to her all the sudden, tell her that truth. That you think she's smart and interesting, and you'd like to get to know her better. Don't bring up dating right away, either.
Guys get all freaked out over a girl saying she just wants to be friends, but there are a lot of girls looking for a guy who can be her friend, not just her boyfriend. Which is where you should start. Prove to her that she can trust you and rely on you. And that may not work...it depends on how she feels, whether or not she's attracted to you. But if you really like her as a person then you might as well give it a shot.
And remember that just because you have a crush on her, that may not last as you get to know her.

[Genesis_13]

I still think the best way is to talk to her about her interests. Considering that you rarely talk to her, she might assume that you don't have all that much in common, so it'd come as a nice surprise that you do have something in common, and it might get a long conversation going, which might make it easier to ask her out.

I also agree with godoftarot, though. As a girl, I think that would work really well...

[Steverules]

And remember that just because you have a crush on her, that may not last as you get to know her.

True. My first year of collage there was a girl who I passed everyday in the hall. She was without a doubt the most attractive woman I had EVER laid eyes on. The type of beauty that took my breath away, caused my heart to race, etc. So I made the eye contact thing for a couple of weeks while this fantasy of how great a relationship would be with her. After a couple of weeks I stopped her in the hall (had a buddy who was in her class so I got the downlow from him) struck up conversation, got her number and went out. Long story short, she was one of the stupidest girls I have ever known. It broke my heart. She LOOKED smart. I couldn't wait to kick her to the curb. Guess nobody has the total package. . . other than me.

[Steverules]

Oi! Men don't know crap about girls! >.<

Oh, GoT, I know enough to know the few "nice" friends I have have had NO luck with women. Zero. These guys are the nicest, kindest guys in the world. Then somebody like me and a few of my other friends, who are complete asses and don't give a fk do well. We've sat around discussing it and you're right. We don't know crap about girls. My boy, Brett ain't ever slapped uglies, even though he is nice. He's got a shitload of girls who want to be friends and that's cool and all. Never have enough friends, but sometimes guys just want a little more. And your response is "well, I'd never have anything to do with you because you're a jerk" and I'm like, "whatever, for every one who thinks that there are a hundred who don't." Do the math. Then your response might be "well, then you can have those skeezers!" to which I'd reply "uh. . . okay." And Collapse, that's another secret. You get a woman mad at you that means she's thinking about you. She'll go to her friends and tell them your a jerk. Then she'll think about at home. Then she'll end up going out with you. Go figure. Women are a confusing race. . . but we love ya'll.

[Helixdq]

well i'm not an expert, but i have to say accepting to be "just friends" with someone you have a crush on is a big mistake, and will just lead you to a lot of unnecesary pain. besides girls who would do that to you (lead you on for months if they are aware of how you feel) are most times manipulative, insecure and just plain not worth it.
true, in my experience, many many girls want to be close friends with guys, and it's easy enough for us to make friends like that. but if it's not what you want it's not worth it, turning a friendship around into a relationship is close to impossible, and gets harder as time passes.
it's ok to start off as friends if that's what you both want, don't get me wrong frienships with girls can be really nice. and if it slowly builds up to more that's even better. but if you have a crush on someone ask them out early, or at least make her aware very early that you are interested in her "that way".

[Jha'Meia]

Aside from all the really really good advice in this thread, here's another piece:

Don't give off loser vibes.

Honestly speaking, that's why girls seem to go more for the "jackasses" than the "nice guys". And why nice girls like me don't score until they act like sluts.

If you betray some form of insecurity, lack of confidence or something like that, people get turned off. :?

This doesn't mean being a loud-mouth helps either, or that shyness isn't liked. It just means that if you feel yourself a loser around her (as in, you'll be rejected outright, or she won't like you after a while, or you don't know what to say to her 'because she's so awesome'), it'll show, and she'll say no.

[Dutch!]

Oi! Men don't know crap about girls! >.<

This coming from someone who regularly tells us she continually picks up the wierdos and so forth

[Collapse]

Ah! All of this sounds so good, but some of it is contradictory!

Yea,h I'm pretty shy. I don't usually go out of my way to talk to girls or anything. I've only gotten up the courage to ask someone out once, and that was someone I really loved... and since she said no, that didn't help my reservations any :/

GoT's advice seems the best to me. It just... sounds right. I think that's what I'll try. Thank you to everyone though. I might, if I end up talking to her at all, combine the advice of several people with GoT's suggestions to create... the ultimate plan!

Too bad I can't quicksave and then try a different method if it doesn't go well.

...it works in my dreams!