Joke time

BrownEyedCat · Post by **BrownEyedCat** » Tue Jan 11, 2005 5:05 pm

collapse wrote: Which brings me to the odd realization I had a while ago that all female webcomic readers live in Canada.

That's right! All of them!

Wow. Even me?

Collapse · Post by **Collapse** » Tue Jan 11, 2005 5:07 pm

Yes. Especially you!

Godoftarot · Post by **Godoftarot** » Tue Jan 11, 2005 5:07 pm

collapse wrote:
godoftarot wrote:
Mercury_Hat wrote: Rowr, check out these two. I smell another KeenCouple .
No thanks. Er, no offense Collapse.
I'll be turning 19 the day after Merc does, apparently.
Why?
Wondering how long it took you to develop such a corrupt mind .

Once I got started, not very long. I'm a fast learner.

MariaAndMichelle · Post by **MariaAndMichelle** » Tue Jan 11, 2005 5:54 pm

True Story:
Scientists at NASA built a gun specifically to launch standard 4 pound
dead chickens at the windshields of airliners, military jets and the
space shuttle, all traveling at maximum velocity. The idea is to
simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to
test the strength of the windshields.

British engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on the
windshields of their new high speed trains. Arrangements were made,
and a gun was sent to the British engineers. When the gun was fired,
the engineers stood shocked as the chicken hurled out of the barrel,
crashed into the shatterproof shield, smashed it to smithereens,
blasted through the control console, snapped the engineer's back-rest
in two, and embedded itself in the back wall of the cabin, like an
arrow shot from a bow. The horrified Brits sent NASA the disastrous
results of the experiment, along with the designs of the windshield
and begged the US scientists for suggestions.

NASA responded with a one-line memo --
"Defrost the chicken."

Also, our World Lit teacher had this joke to tell us one day during class last year ...

Pipolo wrote:"There was once this little polar bear who went up to his mother and asked, 'Ma, are you sure I'm a polar bear?' and she replied, 'Why, of course you're a polar bear! What a silly question!' So then the little polar bear went to his older brother and asked, 'Bobby, are you sure I'm a polar bear?' and he replied, 'Why, of course you're a polar bear! What a silly question!' The little polar bear then asked his father, 'Da, are you sure I'm a polar bear?' and he replied, 'Why, of course you're a polar bear! What a silly question!' And the little polar bear asked again 'Are you sure?' His father replied, 'I'm sure. Why do you ask?' And the little polar bear said, 'Because I'm frickin' freezin'!'

Hahaha... ha... Ah, it's funnier if you're drunk."

Nyke · Post by **Nyke** » Tue Jan 11, 2005 6:31 pm

collapse wrote:Which brings me to the odd realization I had a while ago that all female webcomic readers live in Canada.

That's right! All of them!

No, they just live outside of a decent driving range of all the males.

Genesis_13 · Post by **Genesis_13** » Tue Jan 11, 2005 7:58 pm

DarkMagician wrote:
collapse wrote:Which brings me to the odd realization I had a while ago that all female webcomic readers live in Canada.

That's right! All of them!
No, they just live outside of a decent driving range of all the males.

That, and some of us don't have cars anyway.

Pimpette · Post by **Pimpette** » Tue Jan 11, 2005 8:15 pm

protectmyballs wrote:
godoftarot wrote:
Mercury_Hat wrote:

I'm January 27th 1986.

January 28th 1986
Weeeeeeeiiiiirrrrd.

Explains why we knock heads, though. Put two Aquariuses together and things do tend to go boom.
January 28th, 1985. Weird.

January 27th, 1985.
This is getting strange...

Mooman · Post by **Mooman** » Tue Jan 11, 2005 8:20 pm

Well, it's obvious you're all part of some scheme by aliens or the Devil or Sony or the people that make Tic Tacs or something.

A large mob with pitchforks will be along shortly. Please enjoy some music while you wait.

*plinky plonky deedle doo da, ba dum do da bee ba do bada dum dop pow ow*

etc.

Protectmyballs · Post by **Protectmyballs** » Tue Jan 11, 2005 8:55 pm

Birthday weirdness

We should have a naked party. All our birthdays are only a couple weeks away....

Pimpette · Post by **Pimpette** » Tue Jan 11, 2005 9:05 pm

protectmyballs wrote:
Birthday weirdness
We should have a naked party. All our birthdays are only a couple weeks away....

Sweet.

HeDanny · Post by **HeDanny** » Tue Jan 11, 2005 11:26 pm

Crossfire wrote:Hedanny would be pissed. Little shroom ought to get in here and start stalking again.

Kids will be kids. I am not worried or pissed.

1) I was killed for stalking God Of Tarot, so I rekon that "running gag" is over.
2) Collapse would have more chance pushing shit uphill with a stick

I still have my SPOON.. OF DOOM handy tho.. if any of you fellers get out of line with any of the young ladies. so WATCH YOURSELF YA DAMN PUNKS!

accept War. Merc likes War.. thats allowed

hmm.. time for a new .sig, methinks.

Collapse · Post by **Collapse** » Tue Jan 11, 2005 11:36 pm

Hey man, I'll have you know that women find me irresistable!

In my dreams.

No, that's not even true.

Dutch! · Post by **Dutch!** » Wed Jan 12, 2005 12:27 am

Here's my joke...

collapse wrote:Hey man, I'll have you know that women find me irresistable!

Smight · Post by **Smight** » Wed Jan 12, 2005 12:35 am

Dutch! wrote:Here's my joke...

collapse wrote:Hey man, I'll have you know that women find me irresistable!

Extra points to Dutch for having the first joke involving both elephants and hellen keller.

Collapse · Post by **Collapse** » Wed Jan 12, 2005 12:42 am

Smight wrote:
Dutch! wrote:Here's my joke...

collapse wrote:Hey man, I'll have you know that women find me irresistable!
Extra points to Dutch for having the first joke involving both elephants and hellen keller.

I don't get it.

Dutch! · Post by **Dutch!** » Wed Jan 12, 2005 2:49 am

collapse wrote:I don't get it.

That's why you're asking us for advice...

Rkolter · Post by **Rkolter** » Wed Jan 12, 2005 5:25 am

MariaAndMichelle wrote:True Story:
Scientists at NASA built a gun specifically to launch standard 4 pound
dead chickens at the windshields of airliners, military jets and the
space shuttle, all traveling at maximum velocity. The idea is to
simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to
test the strength of the windshields.

British engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on the
windshields of their new high speed trains. Arrangements were made,
and a gun was sent to the British engineers. When the gun was fired,
the engineers stood shocked as the chicken hurled out of the barrel,
crashed into the shatterproof shield, smashed it to smithereens,
blasted through the control console, snapped the engineer's back-rest
in two, and embedded itself in the back wall of the cabin, like an
arrow shot from a bow. The horrified Brits sent NASA the disastrous
results of the experiment, along with the designs of the windshield
and begged the US scientists for suggestions.

NASA responded with a one-line memo --
"Defrost the chicken."

This is, actually, a true story. Oh those funny Brits...

Nasa jokes:

Q: Where are the crew of the Challenger spending vacation?
A: All over Florida.

Q: Where are the crew of the Columbia spending vacation?
A: All over Texas.

Q: What was the last thing to go through the crew's minds?
A: The engines.

And now a longer joke...

So this guy goes into a bar's bathroom and see's this three foot tall person dressed all in green, about to approach the urinal.

"You're a LEPRECHAUN!" The man exclaims.

The man in green sighs. "Aye, that I am laddie, and you've caught me. So you get your three wishes. Make it quick then, I really have to go."

The man thinks... "Ok, I want a billion dollars..."

"Done. It'll be waiting for ye once you leave this bathroom." The leprechaun replies.

"... and I want women to find me absolutely irresistable." The man continues.

"And done. Try it out on the women at the bar." the leprechaun responds, "But I really have to go. Can you wait on your third wish a moment?" At that, he turns to the urinal, unzips his fly, pulls out his foot long penis, and does his business.

"My GOD. For my third wish, I want a penis like THAT." The man exclaims.

"Aye? Well, that could be a problem..." the leprechaun begins.

"What? Nothing doing. I get three wishes, and that's what I want. I wish I had a penis like that."

"Well..." says the leprechaun, "You'll need to pull your pants down then. I'll have sex with you, and in the process, you'll get mine, and I'll get yours."

"Ugh. You HAVE to be kidding me." The main exlaims!

"Hey, it's your wish..." the leprechaun says with a smile.

So the man thinks. He has all the money he'll ever need, and women will be falling over themselves to get to him. "Well... all right, I'll do it."

So, the man drops his pants and the leprechaun mounts him and begins pounding away.

"Oh god it hurts! And it's not changing!" the man screams.

"Aye, but it will!" says the leprechaun, who continues to pound.

When the act is over, the man looks down and says, "It never changed!"

To which the little man in green nods, "Aye, but then, you believe in leprechauns too, don'tcha?"

Joel Fagin · Post by **Joel Fagin** » Wed Jan 12, 2005 5:46 am

rkolter wrote:This is, actually, a true story. Oh those funny Brits...

Well, everyone says it's a true story, anyway.

- Joel Fagin

Rkolter · Post by **Rkolter** » Wed Jan 12, 2005 5:49 am

Joel Fagin wrote:
rkolter wrote:This is, actually, a true story. Oh those funny Brits...
Well, everyone says it's a true story, anyway.

- Joel Fagin

Well, ok. The British part that makes the story funny may or may not be true, but the cannon is real and is actually used as described.

Carlin · Post by **Carlin** » Wed Jan 12, 2005 5:59 am

Yep. The cannon is real. But the story is bogus. It was invented to poke fun at other nations. There are variants all over the place. Some where it's a US cannon and the Canadians want it. Or the Russians. Or whatever. It doesn't need to make a whole lot of sense.. They even did a piece on this in MythBusters. That was a good show.

Got to see chickens embedding themselves into an airplane. 8)