Write a letter to an inanimate object

McDuffies · Post by **McDuffies** » Sat Jun 04, 2005 7:00 pm

noxmeansxno wrote:Plagiarism kills kittens.

So do big male cats!

Joel Fagin · Post by **Joel Fagin** » Sat Jun 04, 2005 7:12 pm

Dear <insert name of cartoonist who isn't updating>...

- Joel Fagin

Ryuko · Post by **Ryuko** » Sat Jun 04, 2005 7:21 pm

mcDuffies wrote:
noxmeansxno wrote:Plagiarism kills kittens.
So do big male cats!

With their wangs.

I don't know why I said that, it just popped into my head...

Caffeine Boy · Post by **Caffeine Boy** » Sat Jun 04, 2005 7:25 pm

Dear Toaster Oven,

Do you like me?

_Yes _No

Caffeine Boy

Warren · Post by **Warren** » Sat Jun 04, 2005 8:16 pm

Dear Cell Phone,

Please don't give me head cancer.

Love,

Toxic · Post by **Toxic** » Sat Jun 04, 2005 10:01 pm

Dear ipod,

I know you're an inanimate object, but you are truly my soulmate, and my life's partner. I love to think of all the times we hung out, just you and me, listening to music. You introduced me to all of those kickass albums lying in the recesses of my hard drive. You are the light of my life. That is, until you die and I get a replacement.

Love, Me

-------------------------------------------

All of you people writing letters to coffee are PATHETIC.

Subhuman · Post by **Subhuman** » Sat Jun 04, 2005 10:07 pm

Dear iPod,

Okay, seriously. If you play "Opposites Attract" by Paula Abdul one more fucking time in Shuffle mode, I will smash you on the sidewalk. I'm not even kidding. You've got a whole pile of Fleetwood Mac tracks, every Depeche Mode single after "People are People", and practically Garbage's entire discography on your 4 gig hard drive, and yet you choose that shit while I'm walking to the bus stop? Not cool. Quit. If you're gonna play Paula Abdul, it's "Straight Up" or shut up. Everyone knows that.

"Love",
Subhuman

Toxic · Post by **Toxic** » Sat Jun 04, 2005 10:24 pm

Subhuman wrote:Dear iPod,

Okay, seriously. If you play "Opposites Attract" by Paula Abdul one more fucking time in Shuffle mode, I will smash you on the sidewalk. I'm not even kidding. You've got a whole pile of Fleetwood Mac tracks, every Depeche Mode single after "People are People", and practically Garbage's entire discography on your 4 gig hard drive, and yet you choose that shit while I'm walking to the bus stop? Not cool. Quit. If you're gonna play Paula Abdul, it's "Straight Up" or shut up. Everyone knows that.

"Love",
Subhuman

Ipod abuse!

noxmeansxno wrote:Plagiarism kills kittens.

Whoa....someone spelled 'Plagiarism' correctly. I'm a bit turned on.

CJBurgandy · Post by **CJBurgandy** » Sat Jun 04, 2005 10:31 pm

Toxic wrote:Dear ipod,

I know you're an inanimate object, but you are truly my soulmate, and my life's partner. I love to think of all the times we hung out, just you and me, listening to music. You introduced me to all of those kickass albums lying in the recesses of my hard drive. You are the light of my life. That is, until you die and I get a replacement.

Love, Me

we already know that you rubbed your bits on it... now we know why.

Subhuman · Post by **Subhuman** » Sat Jun 04, 2005 10:40 pm

Dear iPod,

Don't worry. I will never, ever rub my naughty bits on you. Sometimes good iPods happen to bad people, that's all.

Love,
Subhuman

MariaAndMichelle · Post by **MariaAndMichelle** » Sat Jun 04, 2005 11:12 pm

Dear Milk That is Past its Expiration Date,

Your time has come. Make your peace with God.

-Maria and Michelle

Leko · Post by **Leko** » Sat Jun 04, 2005 11:13 pm

MariaAndMichelle wrote:Dear Milk That is Past its Expiration Date,

Your time has come. Make your peace with God.

-Maria and Michelle

Valuedan · Post by **Valuedan** » Sun Jun 05, 2005 3:52 am

Dear Scarface Poster:

Hello! How are you doing? I'm just fine, myself. Anyway, I've been busy all week with finals, and they are really hard. I know that you never have finals because you're a poster! I'll bet you're pretty happy about that.
So, how have things been lately? I noticed that you have been having some trouble sticking to the brick wall lately, because whatever tape I use to stick you up there wears out in like 2 days and you fall onto my bed. As much as I would enjoy laying on top of you as I sleep, I'm sure you would be rather uncomfortable with that situation! But I kid.
Anyhow, I heard that there's actually a Scarface GAME coming out! Can you believe that? The way it works, though, is that it takes place in an alternate universe where Tony never has the big shootout at the end of the movie, and he goes on being a drug dealer. I have a problem with this, Scarface Poster, and I'm sure you do too, because the picture on you is of Tony going ape with his machine gun and killing drug dealers in his mansion. These video game people are total jerks.
Well, I hope you have a good one, poster. I'm going to be in Washington DC in the next few weeks, so I won't be able to see you then, but I'll only be a few days. Take care of yourself.

Sincerely,
Alex Keene

PS: Do you ever wish you could breathe underwater?

Nanda · Post by **Nanda** » Sun Jun 05, 2005 4:16 am

Dear Bed,

I'm sorry... we just have irreconcilable differences, and I can't stand being around you anymore. Don't try to contact me unless it's directly regarding the legal proceedings of this separation. I'll be in the Keenspace chat.

Regretfully yours,

Nanda

Noxmeansxno · Post by **Noxmeansxno** » Sun Jun 05, 2005 6:24 am

Toxic wrote:
noxmeansxno wrote:Plagiarism kills kittens.
Whoa....someone spelled 'Plagiarism' correctly. I'm a bit turned on.

It's a gift.

McDuffies · Post by **McDuffies** » Sun Jun 05, 2005 6:30 am

Ryuko wrote:
mcDuffies wrote:
noxmeansxno wrote:Plagiarism kills kittens.
So do big male cats!
With their wangs.

I don't know why I said that, it just popped into my head...

No, no, they eat them!

Warren · Post by **Warren** » Sun Jun 05, 2005 6:55 am

mcDuffies wrote:
Ryuko wrote:
mcDuffies wrote: So do big male cats!
With their wangs.

I don't know why I said that, it just popped into my head...
No, no, they eat them!

How can you eat with your wang?

MariaAndMichelle · Post by **MariaAndMichelle** » Sun Jun 05, 2005 2:56 pm

It takes a bit of skill.

Ryuko · Post by **Ryuko** » Sun Jun 05, 2005 3:03 pm

He's right you know. It is sad, but it is the way of nature.

Mvmarcz · Post by **Mvmarcz** » Sun Jun 05, 2005 3:04 pm

Dear brush pen...again,

You died last night, I was barely able to ink my ladies for the make em sexy for the doodz thread

I was so sad. And now..Hobby Lobby is closed...I am more sad, as that it the only place in town to get a new one of you. Why did you leave me brush pen, with comics to draw and songs to sing. I'm so alone without you. So cold...

-M