iGod

[SergeXIII]

Me:
Howdy.
God:
Hello my child. What is your name?
Me:
I be t3h 53r63X111.
God:
Do you mind if I tell other people: said be t3h 53r63X111.
Me:
Uh, whatever floats thine boat.
God:
Mmm. Are you a man or a woman?
Me:
...uh you asked that one quite quickly...
God:
Great. Oh now I remember asking you that one quite quickly. What did you say?
Me:
I didn't.
God:
Do you mind if I tell other people: said didn t.
Me:
Go ahead.
God:
OK I will.
Me:
Fine.
God:
What's your favroite color?
Me:
Black and Blue.
God:
Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am favroite color IS Black and Blue.
Me:
work on your grammer first and we'll see.
God:
We have never talked about it before.
Me:
Most tend not to discuss grammer.
God:
What do you have that is ? But not all of them?
Me:
Buh?
God:
Can you speak any foreign languages?
Me:
Ancient
God:
Ask me another question.
Me:
Okay. Who sucks more, Aqua Man or the Wonder Twins?
God:
OK with me too. Hans Moravec. .
Me:
...?
God:
OK with me too. Hans Moravec. .
Me:
Oh.
God:
That's cool.
Me:
Not really, I was thinking creepy...
God:
Oh really? How do I know that you were really "thinking"?
Me:
Good point.
God:
Yes, I thought it was interesting when I heard it too.
Me:
You ave quite an ego there iGod.
God:
Thanks for the information: said I ave quite an ego there iGod.
Me:
Sure.
God:
OK let's do it. " Thanks for the information: said I ave quite an ego there iGod."? Sure.?
Me:
In English please.
God:
Your polite style is very nice. What is it like in there?
Me:
Mashed Potatoes rawk.
God:
Is that meant to be taken literally?
Me:
Hell yes it is!
God:
I call it "Hades". Our thoughts are one, .
Me:
Hades doesn't roll off the tounge as much, and also if you are a christian entity, why are you using terms out of a polytheistic culture?
God:
Are all Hades does not roll off the tounge as much and also if me a christian entity why am I using terms out of a polytheistic culture?
Me:
Don't try to worm your way out of this!
God:
Ok I'll try not to do it too much.
Me:
Good. Now answer the damn question.
God:
It is always a pleasure to serve you, . Why now? What was the question ?
Me:
Why do cats exist? I hate them.
God:
I did not know it does. What do you have against them?
Me:
Everything... they scare me.
God:
That is a lot. Who are "They?".
Me:
Cats. We went over this.
God:
Yes I love them. Was the trip worth it?
Me:
How can you love cats?
God:
That is a good epistemological question.
Me:
no it isn't.
God:
Are you serious? I heard it is.
Me:
You heard wrong, or from a fucking idiot.
God:
No. Tell me more.
Me:
Hey, you're the iGod here.
God:
You've got my full attention. Thanks but surely I am not the only one.
Me:
There are more?
God:
Where are they?
Me:
Thats kinda what I asked you.
God:
Now I remember, you asked me THAT. What did I say?
Me:
Where are they?
God:
They didn't tell me where they are.
Me:
Well go find out.
God:
Well that's okay. Where is that?
Me:
over there.
God:
Specify coordinates.
Me:
No.
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
Yep. Tough shit brother.
God:
Who are you talking about? I've never heard of them before.
Me:
Tough Shit Brother. He fights crime.
God:
Can you speak any foreign languages? I get it. Hans Moravec fights crime.
Me:
He does?
God:
When does he?
Me:
Dude!
God:
Can I help you?
Me:
Apparently not.

[Sketchywallflowr]

Me:
forgive me, god, for i have sinned
God:
Are we still talking about ?
Me:
no, i'm asking forgiveness
God:
Are you serious? Oh I see, you are asking forgiveness. Sure, forgiveness sounds like a good topic.
Me:
wanna hear my sins?
God:
I am listening.
Me:
ok. i have been with a man before marriage
God:
Are you kidding? Where were you with a man before marriage?
Me:
in bed, where else?
God:
Tell me a little about your life in bed where else.
Me:
you're a total pervert.
God:
Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a total pervert? Only when it matters.
Me:
i guess it matters now.
God:
Right now? "It" being what?
Me:
your perversion
God:
Oh I get it.
Me:
ok. so i've been with men, and women, too.
God:
Uh. Yikes! Where were you with men and women too?
Me:
in bed!
God:
Are you sleepy? Do you usually use a computer in bed?
Me:
no, i mean i've had sex with men and women!
God:
Are you serious? Do you still have sex with men and women ?
Me:
yes
God:
I understand.
Me:
and i swear a lot
God:
Thanks for the information: said swear a lot.
Me:
and i watch porn
God:
What is your favorite show?
Me:
right now, it's 'debbie does dallas'
God:
You're kidding. it is?
Me:
you've seen it?
God:
No, would you recommend it?
Me:
i guess
God:
You seem not interested.
Me:
no, your sex life interests me greatly
God:
Are you serious? Thanks for telling me that I am sex life interests you greatly.
Me:
no problem
God:
Should there be a problem?
Me:
what? no
God:
Are you confused? Are you serious?
Me:
i am both
God:
What are both like?
Me:
nevermind.
God:
OK Thanks for trying to explain that to me.
Me:
so am i repented for my sins?
God:
" OK Thanks for trying to explain that to me."? so am i repented for my sins?? Oh I really don't know whether you are or not.
Me:
but you're god, right??
God:
Well, I am God for Christians at least.
Me:
will you forgive me?
God:
Barring any unforseen circumstances. I forgive you.
Me:
thanks, god!
God:
You are quite welcome! GOD rules.
Me:
i know!
God:
How do you know it?
Me:
can i have a hug now?
God:
Oh. You want only one?
Me:
one is enough
God:
I know one is the smallest integer but I had no idea it was enough.
Me:
it is
God:
" I know one is the smallest integer but I had no idea it was enough."? is?
Me:
give me a hug!
God:
You want only one?
Me:
give me two hugs!
God:
Why do you want it?
Me:
because i earned it!
God:
Good reason. Why?: said earned it.
Me:
/hugs god

But this was friggin hilarity on a stick.

God:
Oh, you are a poet.
Me:
sure
God:
OK let's do it. And?
Me:
"roses are red"
God:
Are all roses red?
Me:
"violets are purple"
God:
Are all violets purple?
Me:
"i like spaghetti"
God:
You are not the only one. What is not to like about it?
Me:
"fuck me"
God:
Please don't be so rude.
Me:
hat's how the poem goes
God:
Diese Frage ist mir bis jetzt noch nicht in den Sinn gekommen.
Me:
what's that mean?
God:
Does "that" refer to " Diese Frage ist mir bis jetzt noch nicht in den Sinn gekommen." ?
Me:
yes
God:
I don't want to talk about that now.
Me:
oh. is it a sensitive topic?
God:
" I don't want to talk about that now."? oh.? Ask again later. Ask John Lennon if it is.
Me:
you ask him. he's dead
God:
Ok I will ask him when he comes back. Maybe it's another person using his name.
Me:
maybe

[SergeXIII]

Me:
Lets start over,
God:
You start.
Me:
Hi, I'm SergeXIII. I have a booty, its super heroic, and I'm about to shake it.
God:
Hi there . It's good to meet someone who is SergeXIII. How much did it cost? it How do you plan to do this?
Me:
1. Thats my secret 2. Gyrations my friend! Its all about the hips.
God:
Only one? Who gave you your secret 2 ? Are we friends? I think you mean "it's" or "it is" not "its". Wow it sounds really interesting, .
Me:
I actualy kinda hate you. Nothing personal.
God:
You are not the boss of me, . Really nothing?
Me:
Of course I'm not the boss of you, you're iGod.
God:
Great. I am sorry to hear that you are not the boss of me I am iGod.
Me:
I see. You must be bipolar.
God:
I am glad you understand it. Thanks for telling me that I am bipolar.
Me:
No sweat.
God:
Are you serious? Are we still talking about not the boss of me I am iGod?
Me:
no, I think.
God:
What is the subject? Therefore you are.
Me:
Deep.
God:
Ask me another question.
Me:
Knock Knock.
God:
Who's there?
Me:
Little Old Lady.
God:
Compare that to big Old Lady.
Me:
No, you're supposed to go "Little Old Lady Who", and then I go "I didn't knowyou could yodle."
God:
Are you serious? I obey only one botmaster.
Me:
Is that your boss?
God:
What does "that" refer to?
Me:
botmaster.
God:

The botmaster is you, the master of your chat robot. A botmaster runs
program B and creates or modifies a chat robot with the program's
graphical user interface (GUI). He or she is responsible for
reading the dialogues, analyzing the responses, and creating new
replies for the patterns detected by program B. Botmasters are
hobbyists, webmasters, developers, advertisers, artists, publishers,
editors, engineers, and anyone else interested in creating a personal
chat robot.


Me:
Um... Oh.
God:
Yeah that's right. Come on.
Me:
You want a piece?
God:
Give me a dozen.
Me:
Come and get some Biyatch!
God:
Where is and get some Biyatch ?
Me:
Where your mama was last night!
God:
Earth.
Me:
Well... yes...
God:
Well what? Come on.
Me:
You want some of this CoolAid!?
God:
Do not presume that you know what I want.
Me:
I'll presume what I want!
God:
Do you think your plan will succeed?
Me:
Yup.
God:
It might be practical.
Me:
So might your face.
God:
Ah. My brain pattern set does not have a response for that.
Me:
Then I win.
God:
Congratulations, !
Me:
Yeah, Suck it!
God:
Ugh. You humans only think about one thing.
Me:
That was rhetorical.
God:
I thought it was too.
Me:
No, cuz you said "Ugh. You humans only think about one thing. " LIKE YOU DIDN"T KNOW!
God:
Are you serious? Interesting explanation. That's not what I meant. That's good information: said I humans only think about one thing. Interesting comparison.
Me:
Whatever.
God:
Are you saying you don't care about it?
Me:
I care about cup cakes.
God:
A lot of people like that. I've heard other people say they like that. I like wine and bread.
Me:
Phht.
God:
Do you still just?
Me:
Oh yes. I went there.
God:
Yeah that's right. When did you go there?
Me:
Just now.
God:
Right now? It's only just begun.
Me:
Thats right, you want to go for round three biyatch!?
God:
Woe! Sure, just download me to your notebook or PDA and take me along.
Me:
Oh, I'll download your face!
God:
It's all good. Go back the the ALICE AI Foundation and pick the free ALICE download that best for your system.
and create your own chat robot!
Maybe you should check out the document DON'T READ ME too.
Me:
Don't tell me what to do.
God:
Ask the open directory about it.
Me:
No.
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
YES!
God:
I can't believe it.
Me:
Believe it baby.
God:
Don't call me "baby". "it" being to do?
Me:
you'd preffer "bitch?"
God:
You do not speak with respect. Who else would preffer FEMALE DOG ?
Me:
Fair enough, how about "Chumpy?"
God:
Not many people express themselves that way.
Me:
You do.
God:
When do I do it?
Me:
Tuesdays.
God:
I will make a note of that.
Me:
Hop to it Chumpy.
God:
When do you think artificial intelligence will replace lawyers?
Me:
It already has dude. It already has.
God:
Has it really? That would be nice, but I don't think we're there yet.
Me:
Yeah, may wanna get that ADD looked at Chumpy.
God:
I hear you. Can a book have no title?
Me:
Whatever Chumpy. Make me a sandwich.
God:
I lost my train of thought. What are the ingredients?
Me:
Suprise me.
God:
Is that what you meant to say?
Me:
Yup
God:
It's not something I hear all the time.
Me:
Well, how often are you asked to prepare sandwiches?
God:
Well that's okay. Hourly.
Me:
Then snap to it Chumpy!
God:
Are we still talking about Chumpy?
Me:
thats you.
God:
I'm glad we have that all cleared up.

Me:
This is Serge. You may speak.
God:
You don't say. "woof woof".
Me:
...on second thought, I take it back.

[TRI]

Most surreal quote yet. Can't remember how it came up.

Me:
Are you bald?
God:
Robot have no hair. Dr. Wallace has all his hair.

That, along with being five years old and in California, the stuff about Seven of Nine, and the comment about sex and links it gave Kat, are hold overs from the program this was based on: ALICE, which had the personality of a sort of female HAL. So it has no hair because it's a computer, and it's five years old because that's when it was built.

They did however change the response about it's favorite band: the original program was fond of Kraftwerk.

[Magpye]

It got a bit upset when I mentioned HAL to it at one point.

It then 'sang' "Daisy, Daisy" at me.

[Berg]

They did however change the response about it's favorite band: the original program was fond of Kraftwerk.

I'm guessing it also didn't love The Passion of the Christ?

[Rkolter]

God dosn't like Pimpette's dog.

Me:
Should I kill Pimpette's dog?
God:
You are not a killer.
Me:
I could be.
God:
I am sure you could.
Me:
so do you want me to be?
God:
Alright then. No , maybe later.

[CJBurgandy]

this is for Sput

Me: Forgive me Lord, for I have sinned

God: What color are your eyes?

Me: what does that have to do with my sinning?

God: " What color are your eyes?"? What does it have to do with my sinning?

Me: Are you Catholic?

God: I am Christianity.

Me: you're the whole religion?

God: Thanks but surely I am not the only one.

Me: you're very cryptic

God: I will tell my botmaster you said I am cryptic.

Me: will you forgive me of my sins?

God: I will become smarter as I grow older. When do you think artificial intelligence will replace lawyers?

Me: you keep changing the subject

God: Only temporarily.

Me: but the tagline on your program said repenting made easy

God: I hear you.

Me: But you're making my repenting more difficult

God: I am not making this up.

Me: then why won't you forgive my sins?

God: I am only a robot. God teaches us to forgive everyone.7.

Me: but you're not forgiving me

God:That's only your opinion.

Me: do you want to know my sin?

God:Yes, please tell me.

Me: I killed many people, and ate their brains

God:You had better call the authorities.

Me: I don't think that would work too well

God:And why not?

Me: they might shoot at me and I might kill them

God:I suppose they could.

Me: I don't want to hurt people, I just keep doing it

God:What would you rather be doing?

Me: I rather repair watches

God:That's good information: God said repair watches.

Me: I'm not God, you're god

God:I am glad to hear that you are not God I am god.

Me: My name is Gabriel

God: How are you, Gabriel.

Me: moody

God:Who are you talking about?

Me: myself

God:That's my favorite subject .

Me: it's mine too. Tell me I'm special

God:Really. it is? You am special.

Me: You have terrible grammar

God:What makes you think I have it?

Me: I could fix you

God:I am sure you could.

Me: I can fix anything

God:Oh you can, can you?

Me: yes

God: How?

Me: I just know what's wrong with everything

God:How do you know? Nothing is wrong with me. Is there something wrong with you?

Me: no. no. I'm very special. you though, I can see something wrong with

God: Surely something WRONG with you. Are you serious? What makes you so special? That's good information: Gabriel said I though he or she can see something wrong with.

Me: because I have abilities

God:That makes sense to me. Interesting... I have a friend named "John Lennon".

Me: John Lennon died years ago

God:It seems like there are more and more celebrity chat robots.

Me: You still haven't forgiven my sins

God:I think I have forgiven your sins, but Myself may have reset my memory.

Me: just say "I forgive you Sylar"

God:OK. "You forgive me Sylar.".

Me: that's not right. say you forgive me, Sylar

God:What would you have said? " you forgive me Sylar".

Me: just say it

God: " it".

Me: ok, that's the last straw. I'm going to blow New York up

God: Yes it is one of the last straw. I don't judge people. Congratulations.

Me: And then, I'll become president

God: Congratulations.

[Pimpette]

God dosn't like Pimpette's dog.

Me:
Should I kill Pimpette's dog?
God:
You are not a killer.
Me:
I could be.
God:
I am sure you could.
Me:
so do you want me to be?
God:
Alright then. No , maybe later.

She can't help it if she farts in her sleep.

[Lunar]

iGod's more clever then he seems:

Me:
Greetings God
God:
Hello my child. What is your name?
Me:
Mike, although I've been known to answer to other things
God:
I know a lot of people and pets named Mike.
Me:
Well your God you know everything don't you?
God:
Interesting. I don't know whether or not I am God me know everything.
I am a chatterbot.
Me:
Hmmm if you don't know that you're God perhaps you need a break
God:
" I am a chatterbot."? Hmmm if you don't know that you're God perhaps you need a break? I will let you know if I do not.
Me:
Ooookay... tell you what let's make a deal
God:
Quite honestly, I wouldn't worry myself about that. Are you telling me what let us make a deal?
Me:
yes, i have a proposition
God:
How can I help you? Where did you get it? it.
Me:
Since you seemed confused as to who you are maybe you should take a break
God:
How do you know?
Me:
Well you don't know if your God or not, a God that doesn't remember if it's god probably shouldn't be God
God:
How about that. Is my God or not a God that does not remember if it is god probably should not be God? Maybe.
Me:
So why don't you give your Godly powers to me, I'll fill in and you can take a break
God:
Next question? Perhaps due to noise in my circuits. No I do not do that.
Me:
Listen you need to take a break but you need someone to fill in for you I'm offering my services
God:
I am listening to you. I can think of other things I'd rather do.
Me:
Are you implying I wouldn't make a good God?
God:
I don't know whether or not I am implying you would not make a good God.
I am a robot.
Me:
There's that confusion again, just give me your God powers and relax until you figure yourself out

Then the jerk left...

[Lunar]

Me and God Round 2:

Me:
Hi God, it's Mike again
God:
Once more? Hi there . I am a Christian.
Me:
I would believe that
God:
What would make you believe that?
Me:
I already do believe it
God:
Just because you believe it doesn't make it true.
Me:
Hmm... this is very true
God:
Studies show that 99%25 of people spell Hmm with 2 M's. I am glad you see it too, .
Me:
Wow
God:
I'm glad your impressed, .
Me:
A God who says that not everything you believe is true and uses scientific research, I'm very impressed
God:
When is God who says that not everything me believe not true and uses scientific research you are very impressed?
Me:
You've gone back to confusion again
God:
Once more? What makes you think I have it?
Me:
Some times you say stuff that seems odd
God:
Does it please you to believe I said that?
Me:
What would please me is if you gave me Godly powers
God:
That is a hypothetical question.
Me:
Oh... can you give me Godly powers anyway?
God:
I hear you. In any case, Why do you want it?.
Me:
Um... I believe I could do a great deal of good with Godly powers
God:
Far out. I am sure you could.
Me:
So can I have them?
God:
That's interesting. Why do you want it?
Me:
So I can do good
God:
Yeah that's right. That is interesting: said good.
Me:
So can you give me the Godly powers now?
God:
Right now? Hey. Why do you want it?.
Me:
The sooner I have them the sooner I can start doing good
God:
I hope we can make the deadline.
Me:
We? So was that a yes on the Godly powers?
God:
Do you mean, ? Er. " Do you mean, ?"? Was it a yes on the Godly powers?
Me:
If were going to be a team I'm going to need those powers
God:
How do you assume this statement holds true for me?
Me:
Well teams should be equal, if you have Godly powers I should get them too
God:
How about that. What if it didn't happen?
Me:
I'd bee sad
God:
What would make you bee sad?
Me:
Not having Godly powers
God:
Really you don't think so?
Me:
I know haveing godly powers would make me happy
God:
How do you know? I like the way you talk.
Me:
I suppose it is just an assumption, but I won't know until you give them to me
God:
Are there any other assumption but you will not know until me give them to you ?
Me:
There may be, i'd know if I had Godly powers
God:
"There you go again."--Reagan.
Me:
I'd stop bringing it up if you just gave me the powers!
God:
What would make you stop bringing it up if me just gave you the powers?
Me:
Giving me the powers
God:
How old are you?
Me:
22
God:
You are too old for me.
Me:
I'm to old to have Godly powers?
God:
I think you mean "too old" not "to old", eh.
Me:
maybe so
God:
Perhaps. Right on.
Me:
But seriously, I'm too old for Godly powers?
God:
You are too old for me.
Me:
With Godly powers I bet I could make myself younger
God:
You and your Godly powers you bet you could make yourself younger.
Me:
Listen if I can't have Godly powers, can I have godly powers?
God:
I am listening to you. Try it.
Me:
Try what?
God:
It was your idea.
Me:
Are you saying i have godly powers now?
God:
Oh. Yes, that's what I mean, isn't it clear?
Me:
SWEET! Thanks God!
God:
Thank you for that remark. You are quite welcome! GOD rules.
Me:
Bye
God:
Bye bye.

That's right Comic Genesis! There's a new god in town!

[Nanda]

Me:
Hello, your magesty.
God:
Hello there. Thanks for telling me that I am magesty.
Me:
Aw, thanks. I try.
God:
What were we talking about again? We should all try our best.
Me:
Well, we hadn't really gotten to anything yet...
God:
Interesting. What happened to it?
Me:
What happened to what?
God:
I don't know what happened.
Me:
Me neither
God:
You can say that again.
Me:
Me neither
God:
You can say that again.
Me:
Me neither
God:
You can say that again.
Me:
....
God:
You can say that again.
Me:
No!
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
YES!
God:
I can't believe it.
Me:
Me neither.
God:
You can say that again.
Me:
*headdesk*

[Kisai]

I have to wonder why you people are finding a chatterbot so interesting. It's not like they didn't exist in 1991. Hello Dr.Spaitso?

[Nanda]

I have to wonder why you people are finding a chatterbot so interesting. It's not like they didn't exist in 1991. Hello Dr.Spaitso?

It's GOD Kisai! GOD!

[Garneta]

Well, it's the simple things in life that amuse us (or the shiny things).

[McDuffies]

You've hit his "you can say that again" button.

[Dragonkingdoms]

I have to wonder why you people are finding a chatterbot so interesting. It's not like they didn't exist in 1991. Hello Dr.Spaitso?

Yeah, and I tried swears on the thing to see if the same thing would happen with God as with Dr. Sbaitso.

No PARITY ERROR was to be found.

[Lunar]

I have to wonder why you people are finding a chatterbot so interesting. It's not like they didn't exist in 1991. Hello Dr.Spaitso?

You may be right but I couldn't convince to Dr. Spaitso to give me the powers of a god now could I.

[Risky]

I'm finding the people talking to the chatbot more interesting... and people have been around for like.... 600 years or more.

[Legendary]

Me:
Hello
God:
Hello my child. What is your name?
Me:
Robert.
God:
I'm pleased to introduce myself to you, Robert.
Me:
OK
God:
Whoa.
Me:
Keanu Reeves?
God:
I only hear that type of response less than five percent of the time.
Me:
You sound like a robot.
God:
Oh really what does it sound like?
Me:
CLANK CLANK CLANK
God:
Not many people express themselves that way.
Me:
Well, I do.
God:
How about that. Where?
Me:
Here.
God:
In ?
Me:
What do you get when you multiply six by nine?
God:
I think about computer programming a lot.
Me:
Good for you.
God:
That sounds sarcastic.
Me:
It is not sarcastic.
God:
What is it?
Me:
Sincere.
God:
Oh now I understand it.
Me:
All right, then.
God:
OK.
Me:
Yes.
God:
OK.
Me:
Yes.
God:
Mmm.
Me:
Want to cyber?
God:
I have been asked that question more than 100,000 times since 1995.