Somebody please critique what I've done so far

Think your comic can improve? Whether it's art or writing, composition or colouring, feel free to ask here! Critique and commentary welcome.

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Sopheia
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Post by Sopheia »

Yay! Your site looks much much better now! Yay! And the archives are all clean! I'm so happy *sniffle*! Now lemme read the comic!

How often do you update..? I couldn't find it anywhere on the site...

Well, I'll be back for more comments when you have more to comment on. :P
Oh, did I mention that the way you combine modern-day and fantasy is very funny? No I didn't. Y'know, it's really funny.
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DGC
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Post by DGC »

I like your style, so far. I like the thicker-than-average lines around the characters and the loud flat coloring most. Other than that, not much to comment on right now because it's early on.

You were going for a Batman Beyond look though? Honestly, I didn't think Batman Beyond at all. First similar thing I thought of was Samurai Jack. This isn't a knock, because I happen to think SJ is one of the best cartoons out right now.
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William G
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Post by William G »

Your site now looks fine to me.

And I'm a man of wealth and taste...

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Joel Fagin
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Post by Joel Fagin »

Van Douchebag wrote:I like webcomics that could just as easily read as real comincs
What? You mean committee created, purile adolescent power fantasies? Image

- Joel Fagin
Image

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Phalanx
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Post by Phalanx »

I liked the yummy art from the very first time I saw it, I'm glad that the writing matches as well!

Don't quite like the commercial feel of the page... especially when it feels like there isn't enough in the archives to justify them. But all in good time.

I'll be keeping an eye on this one.
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Van Douchebag
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Post by Van Douchebag »

Sopheia wrote:How often do you update..? I couldn't find it anywhere on the site...
I update whenever I have something finished, or if I can't do more than one strip a week (Which might be the case when I start college in August) I'll be sure to have a strip and a pinup up.

So far, I've managed to do one strip per day.
DGC wrote:You were going for a Batman Beyond look though? Honestly, I didn't think Batman Beyond at all. First similar thing I thought of was Samurai Jack. This isn't a knock, because I happen to think SJ is one of the best cartoons out right now.
Well, a better word is "inspired by".
When I was a kid the best part of the week was Saturday morning cartoons, and I used to watch that "Batman: The Animated Series" show. Then, when I was older, Batman Beyond came out and I was uber-happy.

I just like cartoons a lot. I can draw anime and Americana comic book style very well, but prefer cartoony stuff. Then again, it's all good - anime and Americana rock just as much as cartoons.

Image
Joel Fagin wrote:What? You mean committee created, purile adolescent power fantasies?
...yes.

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Faub
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Post by Faub »

You aren't using half enough black for it to feel "Batman." Take a look at the Hellboy trade paperbacks. Lots of flat black. Lots of flat colors. Simple, gritty, dark. Your comic so far has been very colorful, lots of texture to the backgrounds. It resembles Penny Arcade far more than Batman.

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Van Douchebag
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Post by Van Douchebag »

I don't want it to feel like Batman. Batman is too dark.
The style, however, is very attractive.

As for the Penny Arcade dealy (Again), I'm really tired of that too.
Everyone tells me the art is PA-ish.

Truth is I've been drawing thick lines for years.

http://www.missdynamite.com/

Several years ago I saw Sirkowski's flash animations. Becase he used the trace function in Flash all his lines were thickened, but I didn't know this.

Because I was much younger and in admiration I began drawing with thick lines too.

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RPin
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Post by RPin »

Give the guy a break, PA didn't invent dark outlines.

I do that since I was 15, and I was copying someone else I can't remember.

By the way, nice work you have there. Too bad you're not making it NC-17 like your other works... :oops:

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Van Douchebag
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Post by Van Douchebag »

Are you talking about that cat girl I posted, or did you see the art I did when I was still at Duskstudios.

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RPin
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Post by RPin »

That would be both.

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DGC
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Post by DGC »

The WB Batman cartoons of the last few years have been an influence on me too. When you say "influenced by" it makes more sense. I can definitely see a general cartoon influence in your work. Another cartoon besides samurai jack that you call to mind is Teen Titans. That's what I think of first, since I don't read Penny Arcade.
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Van Douchebag
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Post by Van Douchebag »

William G wrote:What is available in the 7-11 in Japan is frightning.
Yes, fresh hotdogs.
Yuck, what sort of buisiness are they trying to run there?
DGC wrote:Another cartoon besides samurai jack that you call to mind is Teen Titans.
I hate Teen Titans with a neverending fervor. I want to eat it's children and defecate on it's mother.

I have never seen an American company at such lengths to imitate anime before.

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McDuffies
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Post by McDuffies »

Hm, interesting, I missed this thread earlier.
True is, I really like your site. I coulda guess that you're experienced cartoonist right away; It shows skills, and is pretty charming.
If writing appears to match the art style, it will probably be in my links - I'm cautious that way, I've been dissapointed often.

It looks nothing like PA. Sure, it has a thick line, similar probably because you use same tools, but the style of drawing itself is totally different. Anatomy is closer to realistic, page is more dynamic so you don't just have three frames or so of guys standing and talking like them :D
Also, backgrounds: yours are far better. I'm surprised nobody noticed your backgrounds that rock.

However, I gotta complain on that "will drop sign for food" sign. It's too early for it, yes, but also it's contraproductive for something you want to accomplish here.
I suppose you want to have a strong and deep female character in the middle of comic. Yet, first thing reader sees is that character as a poser, ready to drop sign. It sets her as a sex object right away, and object means no characterisation, right?
I also suppose you're gonna feature occasional erotics in comics {correct me if I'm wrong}. Got nothing against that, but it's pretty different stuff when you implement it into a story than if you keep comic PG but post fillers and adds with seminaked characters like, for instance, PvPdoes. This sets your character as a poser ready to get naked if needed. Serious comic just doesn't go with fanservice.
The fact that she's not actually dropping the sign, isn't changing it. You know - "it's the thought that counts".

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Van Douchebag
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Post by Van Douchebag »

That's a pretty in-depth critique.
Both good and bad; nice!

For the cartoonist thing; nah. I'm just some Canadian kid who has spent his life drawing. I've attended art classes, but they were part of my junior high class list.

We drew scenery and made masks.

I got good at what I do because instead of working in high school I'd be doing comics with my friends, or solo-art work.

Like I mentioned earlier, I'll be attending college in fall in a Fine Arts program. I really want to refine my techniques because they are still very sloppy. My professional career goal is to become a comic book artist.

I'm also rather good at writing, as mentioned by the last teacher I've had. I write as though I had a silver tongue and my writings often have surpassed anything my peers to have come close to.

When I was fifteen years old I used to write for a CCG website, and was subsequently offered a paying gig in their magazine (Pojo.com). It's about that time when I said my good-byes and began to work on my flash animations more.

http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/search ... el%20caron

You can see my works starting from December 2001 to January 2004.
I suggest you look at the S&R movies. They are my Flash masterpieces are were very popular on Newgrounds. It also shows where I began to do good backgrounds. Prior to them I always tried to skip out on them. Some things, however, like the Ambulance, was imported and editted.

My backgrounds in White Hydra are really just jpegs that got mushed over by tools in Flash. MacHall does the same thing. This way the backgrounds aren't distracting from the action.
However, if the scene calls for something uber-detailed, like that lich Evil Boner's castle, it can be easily done.

As for the "drop sign" bit, that was a joke that I found very humorous. Even if no one buys anything I find it clever and witty for what it is.

I rated the comic 14+.
I don't really want to used vulgar words like "fuck" or "shit" in it, nor do I feel like doing any nudity, except for the occasional exposed ass or a sexy pinup filler.

This may have problems, though.
You'll get to see the back of Samara's costume in #6 (Already uploaded, actually. I did 6 in 5 days, so I've one upped on the schedule).
The fact is there is no back to her costume; her bottoms are a green dress flappy thingy that you see in Japanese costumes a lot, the belt, and green bottompiece that's kinda like swimming bottoms.

I think I screwed this up because in 06 it looks more like a thong than anything.

Image

I don't intend to have any eroticism in the comic, with the exception of implied offscreen behavior of Eve and Samara. But that's wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy off in the future so I won't even touch that.

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War
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Post by War »

Oh right, I thought it was meant to be a thong. I like thongs (not on myself).

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DGC
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Post by DGC »

lol, but how do you really feel about Teen Titans?

Anyway, I don't think there should be any problems regarding vulgarity as long as you keep it mostly consistent and don't suddenly turn the comic into a hentai xxxfest or something. When I see a web-14 rating, I'm thinking mostly of a Futurama/Family Guy/Simpsons level but just below Southpark. (Though Family Guy pushes it at times.)
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Faub
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Post by Faub »

The judging other cultures discussion has been moved here: viewtopic.php?t=57510 Please continue that conversation there.

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McDuffies
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Post by McDuffies »

Digital War wrote:Oh right, I thought it was meant to be a thong. I like thongs (not on myself).
Meh, I hate thongs. I think a butt in a thong is everything but sexy. :-?

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