Looking for some good ol' fashioned art critique!

Jetbunny · Post by **Jetbunny** » Fri Jun 24, 2005 9:04 pm

Before I launch my comic, I'd like your idea of how the first/introductory one looks. What's good? What's bad? What should I change, if I can change it?

The only thing I ask is that the criticism is constructive (you'd think that would be a no-brainer), and that all suggestions be kept within reason. Artistic and computer skills are not like breasts. I can't just magically grow them.

Without further ado, here is the first comic:
http://www.angelfire.com/dc2/jetbunny/firstcomic.JPG

Thank you very much in advance for all your criticism, reviews, tips, and advice!

-JB

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Pillywiggin · Post by **Pillywiggin** » Fri Jun 24, 2005 9:33 pm

I'm getting an angelfire error image.

Jetbunny · Post by **Jetbunny** » Fri Jun 24, 2005 10:38 pm

Christ on crackers...just when I thought I'd gotten something to let me use hotlinking.

One moment, please. >_>

Jetbunny · Post by **Jetbunny** » Fri Jun 24, 2005 10:41 pm

Theeeere we go.

http://img209.echo.cx/my.php?image=firstcomic1uk.jpg

Tears · Post by **Tears** » Sat Jun 25, 2005 1:49 am

Okay, your art isn't bad actually... your characters are clearly different from each other, have outfits that suggest something about their personalities, and you've even bothered with a certain amout of body language... they aren't high art, but you've only just started... they do show potential and they're probably as good as what I could draw when I started my comic... only thing I would say is are they supposed to both look really angry? If they are fine, if not you might want to change the eyebrows a bit.

That's whats good, what's less good (but take heart it's the easier bit to change).... orange? ok I'm a confirmed goth so I tend to be allergic to orange anyway, but it doesn't really do your characters many favours either... psychologically orange is the colour that we notice first, by having orange as a background you're pulling the viewers attention away from your characters.

There's a lot of text on that page, and you have to scroll down to even see the art, I've been guilty of it too, so I know how characters sometimes like to chatter... but chatter or not a page full of text is off-putting, number of ways you can change that... save some of the exposition for later, split the chatter up and have more than one frame, probably some other ways I can't think of right now... it's really got to be your call because you know what you're trying to achieve.

One last thing... you say you're going to be breaking the fourth wall a lot, well that's a stylistic decision, but I just want to ask why you want to do it... if it's so as too add extra humour or something like that, fair enough, if you want to do it because you're afraid that your readers might not know what's going on otherwise I'd suggest you don't, have a little more faith in your ability to draw and your readers' ability to understand.

Jetbunny · Post by **Jetbunny** » Sat Jun 25, 2005 7:19 am

That's whats good, what's less good (but take heart it's the easier bit to change).... orange?

Something's been up with my computer/Photoshop lately. When I made the layer for the background, for some reason I could only select between orange and a series of vomit colors. o_O

Needless to say, it's going to be fixed before the final copy.

Oh, and the reason behind the massive amount of text (which I've read in art/comic history books is veeeeeery bad, so I know not to do it), is that it's the setup for the rest of the comic. As in forever. So it's never gonna be that much again...in fact, usually quite minimal. >_>

Thanks much, now I know what to improve!

Nutcracker · Post by **Nutcracker** » Sat Jun 25, 2005 8:03 am

Their expressions are okay, the clothes are detailed, everything is simple and clear... It looks really nice.
The only flaw I noticed immediately was the hair. It doesn`t really look like hair. And maybe you should work on the shape of the faces. However you don`t need to have amazing artwork now. Having a comic makes it improve in the speed of light.

Sketch286 · Post by **Sketch286** » Sat Jun 25, 2005 9:57 am

Do you think you could change the text type? It looks too compacted together on my screen. Gets a little hurtful to the eyes.

Another thing that's bothering is the chins, though that may be part of the style you want and in that case go with it.

Jetbunny · Post by **Jetbunny** » Sat Jun 25, 2005 11:36 am

sketch286 wrote:Do you think you could change the text type? It looks too compacted together on my screen. Gets a little hurtful to the eyes.

I want to, but I really don't have that many font choices (plus I'm using an earlier version of Photoshop, because I'm cheap). Do you know where I could get more for free?

Smight · Post by **Smight** » Sat Jun 25, 2005 11:57 am

http://www.1001freefonts.com/

are 1001 free fonts enough for you?

Sketch286 · Post by **Sketch286** » Sat Jun 25, 2005 11:58 am

there's plenty of webpages where you can get fonts...but I don't know any of them. Maybe someone else will mention them??

I use flash and i just searched through what they had till I found something I liked ( before I went back to writing by hand

). I would suggest looking at the bolded and non bolded versions of different choices to find something you like.
If you have Kristen ITC then that's a fun font.

::EDIT:: oh lookie, there you go! ^

Tears · Post by **Tears** » Sat Jun 25, 2005 12:32 pm

There's been a whole thread on comic fonts

viewtopic.php?t=65249&start=0

8)

Jetbunny · Post by **Jetbunny** » Sat Jun 25, 2005 2:42 pm

Whoa! Thanks a million, you guys. I've got an idea on how to establish a better artistic style, a few new fonts to help out my comic, and plenty of concepts. See you when the comic launches. 8)

Jared · Post by **Jared** » Sun Jun 26, 2005 1:58 am

I've got to suggest fingers. I'm almost positive I've never seen a fingerless hand that wouldn't have looked better with crappy fingers. Just my opinion though, if you're deliberatly going for the fingerless style because you recon it looks cool that's fine, but if you just don't like the fingers you draw, I suggest you draw them any way.

Jetbunny · Post by **Jetbunny** » Sun Jun 26, 2005 4:45 am

Usually I don't draw fingers because I suck at it, but I'm going to be giving it a shot at some point this time around. However, since no one in the comic looks "real" (consider it: how human can they be if they know all the answers? o_O), I might just revert back to the blob hands. A terrible habit, to be sure. >_<

That guy · Post by **That guy** » Fri Jul 01, 2005 6:05 pm

Yeah, most of my comments have gone up already. First off, the art style looks fine and dandy - and you have enough of a grasp of your style already, that you will probably improve quickly and look even BETTER just a few strips down the line. You have a decent sense of layout to make it easy to read, which is a step above MANY starting webcomics. So...

-The fingerless hands thing - unless he lost them in a horrible accident toss some digits on him.

-The orange background thing - Frequently people use BRIGHT COLORS, vivid, intense hues like they remember from their childhood sunday funnies. Online, those colors hurt. Try adjusting the orange to a duller tone, subtle is the key.
-The fonts thing - My fave's blambot for good comicky fonts (http://blambot.com/fonts.shtml)
-My own things: An intro page is okay, but it's like reading the inside flap on a novel. It's NOT the product, it's just filler before the comic actually happens, so I still don't know if I like it or not. Could we have some samples of the actual thing? For instance: Will it be set up in storylines or one-shot gags? Social commentary or slapstick? G-rated or WEB14? Who's your target audience? MOST IMPORTANT OF ALL: What makes your comic different than every other webcomic out there? Find out what you bring to the screen that NO ONE ELSE does, and focus on doing that really well.

Jetbunny · Post by **Jetbunny** » Sun Jul 10, 2005 7:15 pm

Whee! I fixed a few things. Not the hands, though. I'm still practicing on that, and I don't want any half-assed hands making their way into my comic.

Yes, I realize the irony in saying this. >_>

That's what the first one is to be like. Better?

Tears · Post by **Tears** » Mon Jul 11, 2005 12:38 am

The colour of the background is much better, it no longer feels like it's screaming at me... personally I can't see anything else that you've changed but it's early in the morning so I may be being blind... but the background colour now works with your drawing instead of against it and that is good.

Nutcracker · Post by **Nutcracker** » Mon Jul 11, 2005 1:02 am

Wow! And it took only two weeks!

Kalle B · Post by **Kalle B** » Mon Jul 11, 2005 8:56 am

Two things:

* There's a bunch of white stuff in your lineart. Like thus. It could be a byproduct of the coloring process or whatever. See if you can get rid of it.

* At least your previous picture had a bunch of jpg-style "noise" in it. Maybe .gif would be a better format?

/Kalle B