Sexay HOT ORC ON HUMAN action!

BloodKnight · Post by **BloodKnight** » Fri Sep 17, 2004 7:43 am

*cough*

http://garas.keenspace.com/

So yeah, the next couple of pages (or 10, can't remember what) are going to have some action and fighting. Screw bears, it's time for blood and carnage.

And I want to know how the first page is so far...I think the third panel (uppercut) doesn't connect very well. Any other critics?

Wp · Post by Wp » Fri Sep 17, 2004 3:06 pm

Geez, I feel that with your comic, you're being such a tease

You barely show any of your characters. The problem with the uppercut is that none of the rest of the body is shown, so it doesn't seem like she's throwing anything into the punch. well, at least that's my take on it.

TheBladeRoden2 · Post by **TheBladeRoden2** » Fri Sep 17, 2004 6:18 pm

Trouble is you have to go back to the previous page to actually see who the hand belongs to, whereareas the orc gets all the full body glory.

BloodKnight · Post by **BloodKnight** » Fri Sep 17, 2004 7:27 pm

TheBladeRoden2 wrote:Trouble is you have to go back to the previous page to actually see who the hand belongs to, whereareas the orc gets all the full body glory.

Umm isn't that was previous pages are meant for? Doesn't seem right to say that

As for the panels, I am the writer so the blame does go to me. I did tell him to focus the two panels on uppercutting him and the next one in the stomach. I think the stomach would've been better if it was farther out where we get to see a bit of detail, whereis the uppercut panel should've been drawn during the uppercut, not the end result of it. Before anyone asks, yes I do tell Elshad about these things and don't hide it from him.

How am I being a tease with my characters though? I have a (shitty) cast page up describing Veit and Red, and we've seen:

- A 'hot chick elf' as somone told me
- Red, the gladiator street boxer
- Veit, the badass dwarf with the long scar on his face
- Bald thing behind Veit
- The lizardman

I'm interested in what you mean by tease.

Ruxen · Post by **Ruxen** » Sat Sep 18, 2004 4:11 pm

In the third panel (top right) I think showing a bit more of the arm would add to the action as it is right now the cut off line is taking away some of the impact of the punch I think showing a little more of the arm (like you did in the panel below it) or maybe better yet zooming out a little and showing the woman actually uppercutting the Orc it will display more in terms of connection. I like you showing the after affects of the uppercut and then showing the during effect of the stomach punch the scenes play well as they are and I don't think showing the during for the uppercut would reinforce her dominance in the fight as much.

Wp · Post by Wp » Sun Sep 19, 2004 10:31 am

I was kidding. What I meant, though, is that you flash glimpses of the character and then she disappears in the next page and you barely show anything else about her. So it's kind of teasing. Show a little and then pull away.

BloodKnight · Post by **BloodKnight** » Sun Sep 19, 2004 12:58 pm

wp wrote:I was kidding. What I meant, though, is that you flash glimpses of the character and then she disappears in the next page and you barely show anything else about her. So it's kind of teasing. Show a little and then pull away.

*shrugs*

You should get used to that. An individual or small group will sometimes be a focus of several chapters, while sometimes its the entire group when they are together.

I like this method because sometimes its very hard for good character development when four of five people have the same spotlight on them.

Faub · Post by **Faub** » Mon Sep 20, 2004 8:22 pm

viewtopic.php?t=59810
Steve Bryant has a lot of good things to say about action sequences. For starters, show both characters, otherwise it doesn't matter how well drawn the frames are. The readers won't get it because they can't make sense of the action.

Steve Bryant · Post by **Steve Bryant** » Tue Sep 21, 2004 2:31 am

Overall, I really like this one. The figure drawing has a nice natural quality to it and the action scenes are handled in a confident matter.

The third panel doesn't to bother me, either.

BloodKnight wrote:Umm isn't that was previous pages are meant for? Doesn't seem right to say that

Faub mentioned some stuff about me blathering on about action scenes...

While we never see the two characters establish relative distance, this scene (if you include the previous page) works for me. The fact that when the characters are introduced, we see the orc on the left panel and all of his action is moving left to right makes establishing distance kind of moot. We see him, he moves in on the girl, she dodges and clobbers him. Clear, solid storytelling.

I would have a problem with not seeing the girl if your previous page were available only in a paid archive, but since one can access the page at any time, it's not an issue to me.

A really nice sequence!

BloodKnight wrote: I did tell him to focus the two panels on uppercutting him and the next one in the stomach. I think the stomach would've been better if it was farther out where we get to see a bit of detail, whereis the uppercut panel should've been drawn during the uppercut, not the end result of it. Before anyone asks, yes I do tell Elshad about these things and don't hide it from him.

I understand discussing things between writer and artist in private, but calling out your co-creator in public...wow, he must have <i>thick</i> skin. Does he get to point out his problems with your work on message boards, too?

A nice pair of pages for sure!

--Steve

BloodKnight · Post by **BloodKnight** » Wed Sep 22, 2004 1:44 pm

I understand discussing things between writer and artist in private, but calling out your co-creator in public...wow, he must have thick skin. Does he get to point out his problems with your work on message boards, too?

He does have thick skin. Each page he does, he posts on his DeviantArt site and several (like 5 or 6) artist communities asking for feedback. Some of them tell him to scrap a panel or what is wrong, while others praise him.

It's a very good thing to have thick skin, especially in this business, because people will nitpick every little motherfrickin' detail. He tells me what is wrong with my work and I tell him what is wrong with his. We have a good relationship.

There was even one person who said that Elshad's pacing was very "McFarlane" when we first made the comic, but I jumped in (made an account and wrote the post) and told them that the pacing was completely made by me, not Elshad. The person then replied saying "Whatever, its cool that you two are doing this."

I would have no problem with Elshad pointing at my problems. The problem is his artwork is public, my script isn't. Before we even made the website and started on the first page, we threw comments at each other back and forth on the format of the script and the pacing. We also decided on what theme to use and character revisions.

You need thick skin to survive in comics

- Mark Iradian

Steve Bryant · Post by **Steve Bryant** » Wed Sep 22, 2004 3:09 pm

BloodKnight wrote:He does have thick skin. Each page he does, he posts on his DeviantArt site and several (like 5 or 6) artist communities asking for feedback. Some of them tell him to scrap a panel or what is wrong, while others praise him.

Having assessments by one's peers is a priceless experience, for sure.

BloodKnight wrote:It's a very good thing to have thick skin, especially in this business, because people will nitpick every little motherfrickin' detail.

LOL! I was one of those nitpickers for years! I got tired of wearing the art director's hat (and tired of the RPG industry in general) and concentrated on my own work. As someone who's sat on both sides of the art director's desk, I agree that thick skin is necessary.

BloodKnight wrote:He tells me what is wrong with my work and I tell him what is wrong with his. We have a good relationship.

I would have no problem with Elshad pointing at my problems. The problem is his artwork is public, my script isn't. Before we even made the website and started on the first page, we threw comments at each other back and forth on the format of the script and the pacing. We also decided on what theme to use and character revisions.

Bouncing ideas off of one another is a great thing; I'm just astounded that he had no problem with you calling him out publicly (not just acknowledging a critique, but pointing out to others "Hey, don't you think my artist botched this panel?"); I've pimp-slapped writers for less!

And while your script isn't public, the finished comic is. I guess that I see the situation as being akin to him coming on a board and saying "here's my comic...I know that the dialogue in panels X and Y is stilted and I told the writer that."

I'm not trying to jump down your throat (and if it appears that way, I apologize)...I guess I was just incredulous that anyone would call out their co-creator in a public forum.

--Steve

BloodKnight · Post by **BloodKnight** » Wed Sep 22, 2004 5:24 pm

And while your script isn't public, the finished comic is. I guess that I see the situation as being akin to him coming on a board and saying "here's my comic...I know that the dialogue in panels X and Y is stilted and I told the writer that."

Well he did mention about my slow pacing once during the first few weeks and said 'the pace will be much better now. Don't worry'

Even though I do send the scripts to Elshad, him and I go with a revision on each page before anything is done. Elshad is the visual guy in the comic and if he thinks that the panels would look better in a certain way or the pacing here is odd, I'll take it into consideration.

Besides, once I told him on the tag board that he got the script wrong and he pointed it out to me that I agreed to his revision. yeesh, that was embrassing