Need a kick: Comments and Criticism deeply appreciated.

[JinguJ]

Hello, erm. Hi. I'm new.

Just started a comic in Keenspace, and so far, 5 pages up. But I need some serious kick in the head before I proceed...

The biggest problem, is, I can't use shading/tones.

http://starbooze.keenspace.com/d/20040627.html <- first day

(And lack of background bothers me alot, too.)

And I know it's not perfect, can anyone point out things that are wrong inside? And.. does it still look.. acceptable without shading/tones?

Really, I'm very lazy when it comes to shading... and very bad at it too.

Oh and, anyone knows how/where to obtain proof-reader? (my grammar is really really bad.)

Comments/suggestions/criticques/advices/beatings are deeply appreciated.

Thanks in advance!

[A-Teamer]

I'm reading it now, the art's good, I like the pacing of the story...

But the file format is BMP. I have broadband and it takes 30 seconds to load your pages. That's a big big no-no.

[Mrdata_the_wizard]

Cant seem to find what you call problems, your art is excellent, characters, and at least in the pages, i see a lot of background.. maybe you are refering to your webpage's background being black... because i see no flaw in your comic.

high marks, really

[BRP]

They smell like jpegs to me....

I'm not really in much of a position to judge your artwork (mine's terrible!), but I did notice two glaring things:

The majority of your shading is good enough, but it's not dark enough, really. I'm not exactly too sure how to explain how to do this, but on the July 1st one, for example, it looks awfully well-lit for a place where some guy is listening through the wall/keeping an eye around the corner (not sure which, but that will become apparent soon enough anyway). The fact that the entire comic looks like a spotlight is shining on everything really sticks out when we see the June 30th one (the woman in the dark clothing, that is). Of course, that's probably what you were talking about, I guess. Looks like I'm a big help there, then....

Also, it just doesn't look straight enough when the switch is pushed and on the "access granted" screen. I can't put my finger on what's wrong with the first one, but the screen isn't in line with the perspective for the second one (sorry, too many hours of TI-83+ still hasn't worn off even months after my last one died).



For proofreading, you'll just have to find someone who's good at it that you trust. I do my own, because my English mechanics are just fine... but so far your grammar is fine. Your style is pretty good, too!

[Skylark King]

I really like it so far... the art is good and there is potential for great story here (provided this doesn't become 'just another space bounty hunter' comic.). I will be following it as time goes by.

[Faub]

Five pages isn't a lot to critique. You should really come back when it's around 20 or more.

None of your word balloons have tails (apart from the first page where they look hand drawn) so it's difficult to tell who is talking.

I do have a question for you. How long do you think you can keep up the pace? You have an interesting teaser of a storyline but seriously, how much do you have planned out? How much is scripted? Can you keep up with your "two pages a week" schedule?

[JinguJ]

Thanks for the criticques and comments guys! I really really appreciate it!
-writes them down- Really, thanks.

Yeah, I should really work on more in shading. And about the buttons... *stares in horror* it seems I forgot to.. re-shape the.. thing. Thanks for pointing it out, BRP. I'll try to fix it later.

All my formats is in JPEG, I think, with average size of 82 KB-ish. Is that too big? I checked the site with my friend's dial up and it loads fine.

faub: The initial/basic script says about 260 pages (about two years), but then again, sometimes it can be longer depends on the circumtances or the ideas and how I play out the story.. And I think I can keep up with the two pages per week, or if I'm getting really busy with work or school, at least one per week and added bonus another week.

Or at least, that's what I really want to achieve. (It's a matter of how I can follow my own daily schedule or not, and everything should be fine.)

For these weeks though, there'll be a lot of updates, since I'm in holiday.

Thanks for your interest, in advance.

[Ruxen]

All my formats is in JPEG, I think, with average size of 82 KB-ish. Is that too big? I checked the site with my friend's dial up and it loads fine.

82kb is pretty good I'd say. Some say the smaller the better but don't sacrifice your image quality for the size since you have a pretty good size as it is.

[A-Teamer]

My comic images are commonly 150-200 kB, but for some reason load faster than yours did. Yours took a mighty long time to load, but maybe that's just my computer.

Love the animation. Way better than me (there's a reason why I use photos). 8)

[JinguJ]

Ruxen: Yeah, I tried to use the 1 image quality but it looks horrible. Thanks for the input.

A teamer: That's odd... hmm. Perhaps my html page is too heavy? I gotta check it later.

Thanks again.

[Anotherday]

well i know this might be a little late for critiquing...but ahh what the heck.

your artwork is amazing, I love it so much. The beginning was funny, haha anyway, the storyline seems awesome, even though there's not enough of it for me to really tell what's going on yet.

I don't see anything wrong with this comic, your backgrounds are beautifully realistic, so I'd just have to say keep going!

[[geoduck]]

My only comment is that you should remove the extra title(s) from your index and archive pages. Keep your banner and get rid of the text title that Keenspace put in for when you signed up.

[JinguJ]

Thanls for the comments! Yeah I guess I should get rif of the text..

comments and criticques are always welcome.. so nothing too late.

[Steve Bryant]

Your drawings are great and your storytelling is solid. Great work!

I do have a couple of suggestions, but bear in mind that I'm not altogether familiar with Manga, so please realize there's no disrespect intended if my thoughts are way off base.

I'd like to see more black on the page. In addition to adding a greater sense of depth, balance and weight to your pages, it can be greatly helpful in leading the eye around the page. Ideally, this is solved in the thumbnail stage. In my case, though, there are always those couple of pages that just don't seem finished when I complete the inks. At this point, I scan them in and reduce them down to 25-50% ( you can photocopy them , too), print them out (4-5 copies, usually) and attack the copies with a Sharpie. Nothing too tight at this point, you're merely creating patterns of black that you like. When I get one that I like, I tightly pencil in my new black areas onto the actual page and ink as usual.

Additionally, I think that varying your line weights would really increase the impact of your work. Even if you want to work with a static outline for your contours, making the foreground a bold weight, the mid-ground a middle weight and the background a fine weight of line creates a greater depth of field.

Obviously, that's just an opinion. If you see these ideas at odds with the direction that you'd like to take your work, ignore 'em!

Keep up the great work!

--Steve

[Xmung]

your art is top notch - but i'm guessing your comments about lack of shading stem from the fact that manga style art is usually heavily shaded. in that instance it could probably do with a touch more here and there as per comments from above. personally i like it the way it is, and the story and pacing seem to be unfolding at a fair clip but not in an erratic way.

[JinguJ]

Wow, thanks alot for the comments, Steve. I rally, really appreciate it. Let see if I can do something about it. I don't plan on using full-blown manga style, so this helps greatly. Thank you so much.

Xmung: Yeah, I am trying to be brave in shading. Thank you for your input!