a message from Struck

Shadowstorm · Post by **Shadowstorm** » Fri Nov 18, 2005 5:13 am

Who says we are friends?

Struck3xbylightning · Post by **Struck3xbylightning** » Fri Nov 18, 2005 5:16 am

AHHH for fucks sake!

-wanders off in disgust-

Shadowstorm · Post by **Shadowstorm** » Fri Nov 18, 2005 5:18 am

I am serious

come back Struck, we can talk about something else.

Moo Cow · Post by **Moo Cow** » Mon Nov 21, 2005 12:16 pm

I'm sorry Struck... *hugs* I do know what you mean and how you hate getting dragged into things.

Shadow, feel free to PM me if you want to talk about it....

~Sara

Struck3xbylightning · Post by **Struck3xbylightning** » Mon Nov 28, 2005 1:01 am

how did I disappoint you
when did i let you down?
why should I be feeling guilty
and why do you frown?
is it because i am your sickly son?
all the hospital trips ive done
each one took away
a good portion of each weeks pay
do you think i wanted to?
be plugged into tubes
my life drained away
not knowing what to say
when visitors come to stay

good bye my father
you are not my friend
you have not been my supporter
you have not wanted to be there for me

ive been a disappointment to you

I am different but im not fake
I will guard my dreams so you cant take
me walking away was the last you seen
remember us and what could have been
you do not cry you do not smile
you have missed out on my whole life
you know nothing of me and do not care
we have nothing in common with which to share
all ive wanted is your approval
but now i realise i dont need you

i stand alone, i stand on mine
my own two feet
and walk down my lonely street

Ive learned alot, ive learned from you
I know what I want to do
be a father who is there
my childrens life I want to share
be part of them and they part of me
see them walk and see them smile
see them walk their own mile
help them grow, guide them through
lift them up when they are down
show them a smile and not a frown
I'll try not to let them down

No-ones perfect I know im not
but at least i will try where you did not
you taught me well, i wish you could
have shared my life I wish you would......

Struck3xbylightning · Post by **Struck3xbylightning** » Mon Nov 28, 2005 1:39 am

the last poem was based loosely and I mean LOOSELY on Goodbye my Lover, by James Blunt. Google his lyrics if you want the originals. I sat up in bed for hours -til 6am- and just needed to write this out. the lyrics to his song have haunted me for over a week, and each time I heard it, parts of it fit perfectly into what I just wrote out.

I feel sorry for my father, that he has missed out on so much within my life. When I was younger and sick, it cost alot of money for me to get better and he had to work very hard -three jobs- to help pay for the medical bills. From a financial standpoint, it would have been cheaper for me to die. I am not so stupid that I miss that fact that he did work those jobs for me, to pay the bills and get me the medical attention that I needed.....

I can even overlook that fact that he told me it would have been better if I did die and that he resented me for having to work that. I have been working for almost 12 years now, I understand what it is to work massive hours, have no life and pay back bills. ON top of all of that, try and fit in a family life....

Its wasnt that at all.

It was the fact that the money he would have spent on himself. I was merely a funds diversion, taking away from the things he wanted in his life. I have always been a disappointment in his eyes. I was not interested in what he was interested, like my brothers were, I chose academia over athleticism, chose to find my own answers, rather than let others find them out and tell me...

Because my body wasnt strong, I made my mind strong. I sought knowledge, yearned for new things, struck out on my own to see and do what I might never have done. I have been a qualified Chef for a few years now, worked long and hard, sometimes to the point of hurting myself...

But now, I have reaped the rewards of hard work. Hard work and dedication do pay off and I am more than what I was always told I was...I am not a turd, nor am I useless.

I am unique....

I am different...

And I am free....

I look back at the past only to gain something from it I might have missed, but I always look to the future with an open mind, a keen sense of purpose and a desire to help others. NO matter what people say about you, no matter how they categorise you, you make of yourself what you want to be. And in the end, you are your own person.

I have left behind me a negative influence, although it took me many years to do, I will always doubt in the very back of my mind....but I will stand tall, learn from my mistakes and dust myself off when I fall down...

Shadowstorm · Post by **Shadowstorm** » Fri Dec 02, 2005 6:34 am

*is crying*

thats is so sad. I wont ever know what it is like to feel that way. My parents and I have always gotten along really well, same goes for my brother and sisters.
I dont know where you get the strength to put that sort of thing behind you. If my dad felt like that about me, I dont know what i would do. I loved the part in your poem about -well actually I loved it all- but this part stood out alot for me

"I am different but im not fake
I will guard my dreams so you cant take
me walking away was the last you seen
remember us and what could have been
you do not cry you do not smile
you have missed out on my whole life
you know nothing of me and do not care
we have nothing in common with which to share
all ive wanted is your approval
but now i realise i dont need you"

does that give anybody else the chills?

I dont know where you have gone at the moment, but I hope you are ok. You know you are welcome to call me, I have left you a few sms's and a voice message too. Ring me if you feel like talking.

Struck3xbylightning · Post by **Struck3xbylightning** » Wed Dec 07, 2005 5:26 am

I got your messages Trent, thankyou, I am ok. The past few weeks have been very chaotic for me. so much is happening and going on, its hard to find time to do the things I would like to do. Things have smoothed out a little for now, so here I am again, posting.

Check your email inbox, you werent on at the same time as me earlier, so I wrote you a majorly long message in there.

Well, everyone, on another note, its Hopes Birthday soon! -prepares streamers-

Moo Cow · Post by **Moo Cow** » Wed Dec 07, 2005 1:07 pm

*snuggles* Oh, dear... I hope you're all right... you've certainly had a rough past with your father but i hope that you are able to feel all right about it at last...

~Sara

Struck3xbylightning · Post by **Struck3xbylightning** » Sun Dec 11, 2005 1:07 am

Thanks Sara.

Actually, I have long put this behind me, its more the need to put it into words and express it the way I actually felt inside. It wasnt until the James Blunt song came out that I was able to summarise it. That song just seems to fit well.

If you sing the lyrics to my adapted version the same way he sings it in the original version, thats same kind of feeling I get when I think of it.

ON Another note, more positive, it was birthday central this month! Quite a few with December birthdays! Masterkiller, Phoenix, Sara! As always, wishing you all the best for your special day!

Moo Cow · Post by **Moo Cow** » Sun Dec 11, 2005 10:00 am

I'm glad, struck... *cuddles* and having to get it out is fine, i'm glad you did it here wit hus!

Thanks for the Happy birthday.

~Sara

Struck3xbylightning · Post by **Struck3xbylightning** » Mon Dec 12, 2005 4:01 am

reserved for posting

Tobys' Anniversary 10 years today 12/12/1995 to 12/12/2005

Vampz · Post by **Vampz** » Sun Dec 18, 2005 7:28 am

I love that song ('Goodbye My Lover' that is)

Shadowstorm · Post by **Shadowstorm** » Wed Dec 21, 2005 11:37 pm

vampz wrote:I love that song ('Goodbye My Lover' that is)

me too. -enough said-

Struck3xbylightning · Post by **Struck3xbylightning** » Mon Jan 16, 2006 4:45 am

Dear Sara, I hope by now that my letter has gotten to you, if not, hopefully soon. I will be net quiet for a short while, while the transfer of my account and re-connection goes through.

I am moving into my own place shortly, which is going to be great! Its nice to be able to finally have my own place to live again.

So, for now, take care everyone, hope to hear from you soon and I hope to have a few new Arcana pictures finished and ready to go for my return.

Bye all! xoxo

Masterlupin · Post by **Masterlupin** » Mon Jan 16, 2006 5:18 am

-hugs- We'll miss you ._. I'm certain... you have the best luck with it all... I hope it goes well...

Struck3xbylightning · Post by **Struck3xbylightning** » Mon Jan 16, 2006 5:48 am

masterlupin wrote:-hugs- We'll miss you ._. I'm certain... you have the best luck with it all... I hope it goes well...

Hehehe, you caught me while im still here!

thanks for your well wishes, I will surely miss you all too!

Moo Cow · Post by **Moo Cow** » Tue Jan 17, 2006 3:39 pm

I got your email!!! but no letter letter. I still have to reply... um... well i'm glad you're doing well and moving! *dances around*

~Sara