An oldie but a goodie.

[SolidusRaccoon]

We, the sensible people of the United States, in an attempt to help everyone get along, restore some semblance of justice, avoid any more riots, keep our nation safe, promote positive behavior, and secure the blessings of debt free liberty to ourselves and our great-great-great-grandchildren, hereby try one more time to ordain and establish some common sense guidelines for the terminally whiny, guiltridden, delusional, and other, bed-wetters.

We hold these truths to be self-evident: that a whole lot of people are confused by the Bill of Rights and are so dim that they require a Bill of No Rights".

ARTICLE I:
You do not have the right to a new car, big screen TV or any other form of wealth. More power to you if you can legally acquire them, but no one is guaranteeing anything.

ARTICLE II:
You do not have the right to never be offended. This country is based on freedom, and that means freedom for everyone - not just you! You may leave the room, turn channel, express a different opinion, etc., but the world is full of idiots, and probably always will be.

ARTICLE III:
You do not have the right to be free from harm. If you stick a screwdriver in your eye, learn to be more careful, do not expect the tool manufacturer to make you and all your relatives independently wealthy.

ARTICLE IV:
You do not have the right to free food and housing. Americans are the most charitable people to be found, and will gladly help anyone in need, but we are quickly growing weary of subsidizing generation after generation of professional couch potatoes who achieve nothing more than the creation of another generation of professional couch potatoes.

ARTICLE V:
You do not have the right to free health care. That would be nice, but from the looks of public housing, we're just not interested in public health care.

ARTICLE VI:
You do not have the right to physically harm other people. If you kidnap, rape, intentio don't be surprised if the rest of us want to see you fry in the electric chair.

ARTICLE VII:
You do not have the right to the possessions of others. If you rob, cheat or coerce away the goods or services of other citizens, don't be surprised if the rest of us get together and lock you away in a place where you still won't have the right to a big screen color TV or a life of leisure.

ARTICLE VIII:
You don't have the right to demand that our children risk their lives in foreign wars to soothe your aching conscience. We hate oppressive governments and won't lift a finger to stop you from going to fight if you'd like. However, we do not enjoy parenting the entire world and do not want to spend so much of our time battling each and every little tyrant with a military uniform and a funny hat.

ARTICLE IX:
You don't have the right to a job. All of us sure want you to have a job, and will gladly help you along in hard times, but we expect you to take advantage of the opportunities of education and vocational training laid before you to make yourself useful.

ARTICLE X:
You do not have the right to happiness. Being an American means that you have the right to PURSUE happiness - which by the way, is a lot easier if you are unencumbered by an overabundance of idiotic laws created by those of you who were confused by the Bill of Rights."

[Astral]

"But I disserve Love!"
"No. You. Don't. You're a fourty yearold, fat, vergin panda."

[Shyal_malkes]

interresting. though I might include "you do not have the right to burriotos, burritos are a privelage, not a right." as well as "you do not have the right of way when in the wrong lane of traffic"


my appologies for putting some humor into what seems to be issued as a serious topic, I just felt the need for a little balance.

[Tom Mazanec]

I would amend Article III to say self-inflicted harm. Otherwise it contradicts Article VI. I would also amend Article VI, unless you can give me a definition of "intentio". Otherwise pretty good.

[Maxgoof]

A good portion of these can be replaced with:

"You do not have the right to be free of responsibility. Responsibilities are an integral part of Rights. Failure to fulfill your responsibilities is grounds for the denial of rights."

[Shyal_malkes]

you do not have the right to lefts, you do not have the right to wrongs.

and now for something silly

you do not have the right to remain silent,
you do not have the right to pass go,
you do not have the right to collect $200,
you do not have the right to die,
anything you do not say can and will be used against you,

[Rokas]

I'd like to amend it to add:

"XI: You do not have the right to drive. Nor do you have the right, once on the road, to drive like a total moron who takes up two lanes, who reads a MAP while driving, who doesn't use their turn signal, and who plays that awful, awful "R&B" music at 100 decibles."

[Narnian]

"But I disserve Love!"
"No. You. Don't. You're a fourty yearold, fat, vergin panda."

Father of the Pride?