SergeXIII wants to review your web comic

[Phalanx]

Nice work, Serge. You really should collect all these together and make a review blog out of it.

[MoonFreight3]

Hi Serge, I'd love a review. I do "Moon Freight 3," and it's at http://moonfreight3.comicgenesis.com

[Tarts]

NO you don't.
JUST IN CASE you took my sarcasm and changed your mind...

[SergeXIII]

Tee Dubbleyu Eff See

Story
Tee Dubbleyu Eff See (Remember it, I won’t be typing that title again as I lack the will to spell it) is a tale of an mysterious hero, named Hero, fighting for a myriad of copyright protected characters against a myriad of copyright protected characters. Hero is a play on Neo, or the Matrix, a martial arts endowed furry who’s poorly executed vigilantism lands him in the slammer where he is promptly busted out by Superman, Batman and the bunch to fight the Joker, Bowser and the bunch because there was a prophecy that said to seek out a Hero, and they decided to follow it literally. The comic is very light hearted but, unfortunately is littered with problems. First off, using copyright protected characters in your main plot is a major no no, you know, being illegal and all. I’m no expert here, but the gist of copyright laws as far as we’re concerned is that the one way we can use copyrighted characters is via a parody, i.e. a writing that does not make a serious claim that the character in question actually did what was depicted. Being in a humorous environment alone does not cut it, essentially if they are not tied to the central plot than all is good. Think about how around 95% of Family Guy’s jokes aren’t pertinent in any way for the most blunt example. The comic also uses a decent amount of video game puns, and while I’m all for that, it doesn’t bring them with any warning. The comic is about super heroes, so I expect DC or Marvel puns but before any of that comes a Phoenix Wright reference. It just seems out of place. I’m not saying discard it, it fits the quirky charm, but build up to it or indicate that it might be there as the video game core will not be attracted to this comic out of love for their hobby.
Tee Dubbleyu Eff (Damnit) moves a bit too quickly and is a bit hard to follow at times. Namely the perspective changes a bit too much from 3rd to 1st and so forth without much to determine when or why. More attention needs to be paid to whether or not the comic reads well (is easily interpreted by an audience), for instance in this comic Hero files his way through some prison bars. This is depicted by 3 panels depicting bars with less and less mass at the bottom rather than Hero actually filing away at the bars. This fails to express the effort made, but also makes the time passage less exaggerated. The process looks like it only too an afternoon, which isn’t too long for the action in question.

Art
Ah chibis. I’m NOOO expert on chibis, or whatever, but I will say this: while it works fairly well on certain characters, chibi Superman doesn’t quite work so well. Its hard to take a Superhero seriously when they look so damn cute and in a comic with no Superheroing you need something to remind the audience. A buff Superman would contrast with Hero and add to the humor, and while we do see a few instances of non chibi heroes it is purely for dramatic shots and fails to be meaningful. But hey, the line work is nice, clean, and smooth, and the comic is colorful and nice to look at. I do wish there was a larger variety in expressions and features, but hey, that’s part of being Chibi.

Site
The site doesn’t work too well for me. The bottom half looks fine, and there’s a lot there, but the upper border doesn’t show and neither does the navigation buttons. This error should be resolved ASAP but once this comes to pass I’m sure this site will be “Visually Appealing” (heh, hey that reminds me, what’s with the lack of Anime jokes in a Chibi comic?)

Overall
I’m going to be blunt here. Edward Lian needs to take a deep breath and start his comic project over again. It isn’t bad, it just has some serious technical issues, namely improper use of copyrighted characters. He needs to consider who the comic is geared towards (Gamers? Comicfans? Otakus? Pop Culture Geeks?) and write in a way that will attract them to the comic and bring in more, and take his time when doing it. We have a stumble here, but one which should precede a tremendous sprint.

[Randyraven]

Wow. Nothing... for several days. I guess that guy didn't like your review of his comic.

[Lianweijun086]

Ahh! Sorry about that. Actually, I like the review a lot. I've just been really busy and out of town the last few days. I'll definitely be frequenting this review for ways to improve. I'm not a professional artist, nor am I a professional writer. Heck, I've never really been particularly GOOD at writing. Looking back at the comics I can see everything that you've pointed out. I've been hitting the law books pretty hard and consulting some of my friends in law school to point me in the right direction with the copyright/fair use issue. Most of them say I should be fine, but I'm still not too sure... Worse comes to worst, I can always substitute look-alikes with similar powers, but without the cross-overs, TWFC (short for Tee Dubbleyu Eff See) loses it's premise. At least for myself, the allure lies in the presence of well-known heroes and villains. I agree that there are a lot of discrepancies when it comes the flow of the comic. ESPECIALLY the jail scene. At first, the backgrounds didn't change at all, but then I decided to show the passage of time (afternoon to night). You're right, it only shows an afternoon. I guess what I SHOULD have done was portray the passage of SEASONS. As for the website, I'm not sure why it malfunctioned for you, but I'll be sure to look into it ASAP. Thanks for the heads up!

Great review! I really love it! Thanks so much.

While, I really, really don't want to drop the use of copyrighted characters entirely, I'll definitely try to use them more sparingly, and really emphasize that their presence is parody. Maybe create my own superheroes, interlaced with a cameo here or there. What if I were to make them all Jamaican?? Batmon, Supermon, etc and give them all dreadlocks? Would that count as parody? Haha!

[SergeXIII]

I'm going to post more soon, its just that a whole lot of things have been happening to me at once as of late, all good though for a change.

[Jekkal]

Oki, hit me.

Comic's at http://www.lastres0rt.com.

[SergeXIII]

Okay, so the reason I haven't done a review (or a comic) in a while is because I was just accepted into Grad school, and was getting all that in order. Ima getting back to work tonight. Heads up to expect a review in the near future.

[RobboAKAscooby]

Okay, so the reason I haven't done a review (or a comic) in a while is because I was just accepted into Grad school, and was getting all that in order. Ima getting back to work tonight. Heads up to expect a review in the near future.

Take your time dude, it's not like you're getting paid to do this, only a truly impatient w4nker would get on your case about it.
Congrats on Grad school.

[Ayame Ex_Goddess]

Are you still doing this? I like reviews of my comic http://newscast.comicgenesis.com Newscast. I'm always trying to get better, as I'd love to get published someday.

[Julesville]

I'll take an objective review, for my new comic "Student Union Champions"

studentunionchampions.comicgenesis.com

You know what, nevermind.

[Cartoonme]

I would love to get a review of my comic if you can squeeze me in.

[NinjaNezumi]

I feel like reviewing some web comics, and since no one is biting in the "Web Comic Above" thread, I figure I'd just make a thread where I would review a comic without obligating anyone to write one as a consequence. Just point me in the direction of your comic and I'll work my magic.

Could you review my panada universe rather than just my comic?

My comic all by itself is lackluster, but that's mainly because I depend on people reading other aspects of my panada universe to provide the background.

http://thelibrary.ninjanezumi.com/moors - Short Story
http://thelibrary.ninjanezumi.com/journeytotokushi - Puzzle Solving Adventure Novel
http://pandaking.ninjanezumiproductions.com - webcomic

so if you want to take the time to read through all three aspects currently on the web, I'll appreciate a review of the entire pandaking universe ^_^

[VeryCuddlyCornpone]

Not requesting a review, just observing: Serge, you've got quite a few hours worth of reading ahead of you! Though I'm sure you had anticipated that when making this thread to begin with.

[SergeXIII]

Yeah, I'm in the middle of the archives of a larger comic right now.

[Tarts]

Take your time, man.
Anticipation only makes the final moment sweeter!
(thanks btw.)

[SergeXIII]

Okay, so my computer went down while I was still in the middle of Marooned, so I lost both my place and my notes. Rather than let this back up the rest of the reviews until its repaired I'm going to throw up some comments based off of memory. It isn't extensive, and it isn't final. Think of this as a rain check.

Marooned

Marooned is the tale of an astronaut and a robot who are stranded on mars via the captain’s ineptitude and tactical sabotage. The comic begins as if a gag a day strip, with the patented "I can't believe [insert summary of previous comic]" starting off every strip, but is soon lost to some more serious plot and character developments. Its like day and night in both contrast and pattern and makes things interesting at the very least. We all know how gag a days can wear thin sometimes. However, it comes out of the blue, a transition from a slap stick gag actually, and is a bit off putting because of it and I can't quite say that this awkward after taste ever leaves, at least not yet. The cast of characters are drawn in a very simplistic yet charming way, save for one dude, the Astronaut. The big problem with him is that he looks anatomically awkward, which can be significant even with a simplistic style. His head is far too thin for his body, and while I see it as a quirk and understand that space suits are quite thick in reality, it doesn't read correctly. I would recommend thinning the body out a bit, take advantage of the artistic liberties you enjoy with a simplistic style.

When I get everything up and running again I'll post a more thorough review. I have access to a different PC and will be using it to review the other comics in the meantime.

[Harishankar]

If you're still at it, would you mind taking a look at my comic, Boxi and Panjo, here and offering suggestions? I'm having a bit of trouble getting feedback from my own readers. Thanks a lot in advance.

Link to the latest comic: http://harishankar.org/blog/entry.php/b ... ng-trouble
Archives: http://harishankar.org/blog/category.php/boxi-and-panjo

[Jollyrodgers4]

So far I've enjoyed reading your reviews! Brutally honest but done so in a constructive way

I'd love to get a review of mine

http://captainmushface.blogspot.com