how much do you kick ass?

Spiral Zer0 · Post by **Spiral Zer0** » Sun Sep 10, 2006 9:44 pm

in this thread we talk about ball breaking ass kicking examples of people who've either had a lack of sleep, sex, of coffee.

those times where you just feel so pissed to gotta bash someones fucking skull inside rips out thier eyeballs and use thier skulls and a martini shaker.

because I am totally

THE H
THE A
THE R
THE D
THE C
THE O
THE R
THE E

Honor · Post by **Honor** » Mon Sep 11, 2006 2:18 am

I have stopped at least four grown men dead in their tracks with the phrase "Have you ever had your ass kicked by a girl...? 'cause I can help you with that..."

Halo299 · Post by **Halo299** » Mon Sep 11, 2006 5:13 am

once while i was fighting (with words not fist) with a co-worker i turned around just started to walk away because i didn't see any point in contiueing the encounter.

but once my back was turned they grabed me by the wrist and tried to jerk me back around...

the night before that i had spent about 3 hours in my aikido class drilling a number of very painful wrist locks that can be applied very well as a way to stop a violent encounter, i had been training with these locks for about 2 months. Like most of the stuff i was learning at that belt level, these locks were all based around the idea "ok, this is what you can do if someone grabs your wrist...".

as soon as i felt this coworker grab my wrist and jerk i didn't really think about what i was doing, because at that point it had become so reflexive to just apply the lock as soon as you feel contact with your wrist.

That was pretty much the last time anyone ever tried to touch me at that place. And the co worker in question became good friends with me and even started coming with me to my aikdo class for a while.

yay happy ending

-halo

Aeridus · Post by **Aeridus** » Mon Sep 11, 2006 6:26 am

Makes me want to learn aikido now.

Only problem is, I'm so hypersensitive that anyone merely tapping me from behind risks a black eye.

Kittyboymuffin · Post by **Kittyboymuffin** » Mon Sep 11, 2006 7:09 am

Ditto.

Even so: Muffin want kung-fu!

Halo299 · Post by **Halo299** » Mon Sep 11, 2006 8:13 am

aeridus wrote:Makes me want to learn aikido now. Only problem is, I'm so hypersensitive that anyone merely tapping me from behind risks a black eye.

aikido can be very cool if it is taught that way. But i worry that it may go the way of TKD because it is a really popular art right now and a lot of people are looking to make a quick buck by teaching useless junk and calling it aikido.

and there are alot of other issues with the way it is taught that make me raise an eyebrow to.

but it is all technical MA stuff and i won't derail this thread with it. But if you want to know more PM me or something.

-halo

Honor · Post by **Honor** » Mon Sep 11, 2006 9:22 am

Halo299 wrote: ...martial arts overdrive story...

I took Kempo way back when, long before Akido was the cool new kid in town, because my mom didn't want me to continue to get my ass beat all the time. (Yes... Honor was once the 3rd smallest kid in class, which didn't mesh well with her knowing full well she was the smartest kid in class, and not afraid to admit - or prove - it. I stayed the thrid smallest until the end of Jr. year in high school... When I came back senior year, some of the basketball team was taller than me, and a few of the football team. Anyway...)

So, this kid has been fucking with one of my friends, and I step up to the plate to bitch him out over it... And he starts this shoving you in the chest thing, like they do in karate class every week... And I tell him to stop, and he keeps going, and then, eventually, he takes a fairly wild outside swing. Now everyone in school was kinda afraid of this kid... More because we all figured he had drugs and weapons (both almost mythically rare where and when I went to school - small town in Utah, early 80's) than because of any supposed fighting skills. The kid he hung out with, the one who'd be the Boss, if this were a video game, he was supposed to have Mad Skills.. but still... This kid was reputed to have at least some skills. Too many to throw a punch like that, anyway.

Well, I never fully remembered what happened then. At the time, I knew which kata it mostly came from, though. The location, oddly enough, was in the lower floor of the local hospital (like a second home to me, my Mother had worked there 'til she died, and I had always been in the ER hanging out much of the time) and it was a very good thing we were... He ended up with like five broken bones, and it all happened in less than a minute, minute and a half at most. In all honesty, probably just under thirty seconds.

Karate Overdrive is powerful Juju.

My friend, who I'd come to defend, looked at me like I was a scary goddess of war, and then (aparantly, unless my erstwhile sparring partner decided to tell everyone a girl kicked his ass) proceeded to do everything short of publishing an op-ed piece in the school paper to publicize the story.

I eventually even had to fight "the Boss" mentioned above... But that was almost anti-climactic. Well... Maybe a little funny. He caught me on the street and stepped out from between buildings to block my way. Rather than turning back, I just came on. He said, as best I can remember, "I'm going to kick your ass... And if you try any of that faggy karate crap, I'll kill you."

He went into a fighting stance, I did a full frontal scissor kick and hit him just under the jaw. He went down hard, and I went home.

The Cheshire Dragon · Post by **The Cheshire Dragon** » Mon Sep 11, 2006 9:37 am

You know...I've done martial arts since I was knee-high to a grasshopper....and I've never had to use it. Okay, maybe once when one of the "popular" girls started in on me and I put her against the wall with a warning not to mess with me again...but even then that wasn't karate. That was me losing my temper, and waas sick of getting hell while in middle school. Perhaps when I started seriously taking karate I grew some self confidence and people stopped teasing me because I wasn't weak anymore.

Though lately I've had thoughts of taking a baseball bat to the heads of my entire dorm floor. It's not a good idea to be screaming and slamming doors late at night when I'm up at 7am the next morning...especially when you're an RA and should know better. A tired drion is a mean drion.

Xnapalmxmorningx · Post by **Xnapalmxmorningx** » Mon Sep 11, 2006 9:40 am

It's not really a story fo ass kicking... more ass slaping

There was this one underclassman who decide to latch herself on to my group of friends. She was okay at first and then she went loco. One example for some reason she'd always act "friendly" towards most of the girls in the group (i.e. nuzzeling/ rubbing up against them, basicly acting like a drunk greek life girl who found something that moved) but when anybody(always me) did it back to her she'd freak out (if you're going to talk the talk, you better be able to walk the walk). So for many a month our lunch time was spent seeing how long it took for her to go running.

One particular day about two weeks before senior finals we we're all headed out to the soccer field to lay about. She had been pissing everyone off. She was straggeling behind the group and I was a bit behind her because I took off my shoes. So being the impish girl everyone knows and loves, I ran at her full speed and tackled her, all the while she was screaming bloody murder. I ended up sitting on her back, right above her ass. I then precided to dry hump her and then slap her ass (much to the joy and applause of my friends)
I then left her there and frolicked off to join my friends

Honor · Post by **Honor** » Mon Sep 11, 2006 10:01 am

heh... That story makes me smile inside. And outside.

One pair of questions, though, because I really like the turn of phrase... What's a "drunk greek life girl"... A sorority girl? A habitual frat party girl? How does that relate to the follow-up "...who found something that moved"? an implication that such girls will fuck anything that moves, right?

Honor · Post by **Honor** » Mon Sep 11, 2006 10:04 am

The Cheshire Dragon wrote:You know...I've done martial arts since I was knee-high to a grasshopper....and I've never had to use it. Okay, maybe once when one of the "popular" girls started in on me and I put her against the wall with a warning not to mess with me again...but even then that wasn't karate. That was me losing my temper, and waas sick of getting hell while in middle school.

If you used anything you learned in karate, it was still karate, even if it was also losing your temper... the one doesn't preclude the other.

And yes... In my completely unscientific estimation, decent people who take karate seem to get in less fights than those who don't... The ones we -do- get into just seem to end more quickly.

I'm almost 41 now, and in all those years, I can count the times I used those skills in anything but practice or playing around on one hand.

Lulujayne · Post by **Lulujayne** » Mon Sep 11, 2006 11:36 am

He went into a fighting stance, I did a full frontal scissor kick and hit him just under the jaw. He went down hard, and I went home.

...and that, in accordance with Hamlet's proverbial nutshell is -

A) why honor rocks

and

B) why I'm off to find a suitable bunk...

Squidflakes · Post by **Squidflakes** » Mon Sep 11, 2006 11:59 am

I was in line once at a grocery store, picking up snacks and drinks for an evening of gaming, and I was quite late.

The man in front of me had a full cart, and was going on and on about some footbore game that was coming on in an hour, and how he was going to watch said game and blah blah blah.

Anyway, I asked if he wouldn't mind me going ahead of him, since I had just a few items, and was late for an engagement.

His response was a brisk "Fuck you pal."

Rebuffed, I stood in line for a few more minutes and then asked him again if he wouldn't mind letting me check out, it was really important to me.

Again, he said "Fuck you" but then added a few things about his importance to God's grand plan for the earth, and how nobody puts Baby in a corner or somesuch. Then he told me to fuck off, and turned his back on me.

Being a bit pissed, I leaned in close to his ear and whispered...

"If I were gay, and wanted you, there would be nothing you could do to stop me."

After that, he got a lot more polite.

Kingofthemorlocks · Post by **Kingofthemorlocks** » Mon Sep 11, 2006 1:12 pm

let's see here...middle school was the worst three consecutive years of my life. 6th, 7th, and 8th grade.

I was picked on mercilessly through those years, and mostly did my best to shrug it off (I'm a lover, not a fighter)

8th grade, this guy Phil was dicking around with me, talking about how he was so much stronger than me and whatnot, invited me to punch him in the stomach to show how strong he was. I complied, he tensed up his stomach muscles, it didn't do anything to him. All his friends are now laughing at me, and he laughingly says, "Go on, hit me again!"

So I punched him in the face. Knocked him unconscious. Walked away.

Last physical fight I ever got in.

Swordsman3003 · Post by **Swordsman3003** » Mon Sep 11, 2006 1:35 pm

I have never fought anyone. Not even run away. Nobody ever tried to fight with me, not once.

RavenxDrake · Post by **RavenxDrake** » Mon Sep 11, 2006 1:52 pm

See... I've only ever hit someone three times in my life. Been in slightly more fights, but only struck someone three times. One was in kindergarten, which dosen't really count except that I broke the guys nose. One was in middle school, when I was in a minor scuffling fight and we blacked each other's eyes. We were friends before, and friends after, it was just one of those things. The last one is the one that I'll detail.

See, I don't know any martial arts. I've specifically avoided learning any for a couple of reasons. First, my temper. My temper has two two settings, off and genocide. If something sets my off, I'm in full on rage mode... I deffinitely didn't want to learn martial arts(not that you can use it all that effectively in a blind rage, but I'd rather not take the chance). The other reason being that I'm a cocky, arrogant, onnery, self-centered cuss. The idea of being flipped over on my back hard then standing up and thanking someone for showing me that rubs my grain the wrong way... I just don't have the temperment for it. It's one of the reasons that I try so hard to avoid fighting... If my anger gets the better of me, I have no idea what I'd wind up doing.

As for the third time I struck someone, a little backstory. The guy was a colossal dick, who had teased me all the time I knew him. He started Jr. High(back before we upgraded to having Middle school) going out of his way to tease me about my weight, to annoy me, slapping my back, occasinally jabbing me with pencils.

I ignored this crap, since he was pretty stupid and wasn't going to be in any of my furture classes. I was wrong, though, cause my math fu is weak, so we wound up in the same class taking Algebra. And it was a semester of the same thing. Finally, getting into Highschool, I thought I'd be rid of him. But, low and behold, he was in the same Home Ec class(well, it was just a basic cooking and nutrition course, but same thing, really). And he went out of his way to ingratiate himself into the same class group as me to start teasing me.

I wanted to put a stop to this as quickly as possible, without violence. I went to the teacher at the end of the first day of class and explained the situation and asked, very politely, if either I or He could be switched to a different group. She said she'd look into it. One week later, and no effect. I then went to the vice principal, who handled dicipline, and explained to him the situation and asked if he'd look into it. He sent a letter home with the student, and I don't know that anything happened out of it, but I never heard anything about it and his teasing didn't let up.

See, at this point, I had given up trying to be nice. I didn't exactly plan to attack him, but I was certainly done taking his crap. I asked him, very politely again, if he would please stop bothering me. I also informed him that this would be the last time I would ask him. He promptly jabbed me in the leg with his pencil. And at that point the last rational thought I had was "Holy crap, I think I'm going to kill this guy."

I managed not to kill him, really, but it was close for only landing one hit. I grabbed my text book(about three inches thick and heavy as all get out) and swung it around, spine first, just as hard as I could and caught him in the throat with it. I don't know how much damage I actually inflicted, not sure if his reaction was all chokeing or partially shock as I was promptly drug off by about 5 studtents and taken to the principal's office. He wound up being taken out by paramedics to the emergency room.

I probably would have been expelled if not for my mother. My mother, bless her heart, reminds me very much of Honor... or vice versa. She loved reading and taught me to read before kindergarten. She instilled in me a work ethic and drive, a conscience, and a firm moral compass. She hunts for fun, and has taken down one of everything in North America short of a bear with a twelve guage over-under. She's worked in hospitals all her life, and has worked every part form ER to the Psych ward, and has personally restrained an armed patient with nothing to her name but a bedpan and a needle of haldol. She was called in off of work to come in after the event(and was just told that I'd been in a fight, she likely passed the ambulance carrying the kid to the ER on the way in). I was getting the whole "You'll be expelled for this son, I can't believe you'd attack someone like this with no provocation" blah blah speach... I didn't even bother to try and correct him, I was already well and done with High school. Would have been happy to get out.

My mother, though, had other ideas. She burst into the room like a stormtrooper right as the Vice Principal was on "expelled" again. She actually grabbed him by the lapels and proped him up against a wall and demanded to know why the hell I was here getting lectured and where that, to quote her words, "Worthless little rat bastard" was that had been tormenting and hazeing me was so she could strip his hide bare.

After being pulled of the Vice Principal, the full situation was explained, and that I was being considered for expulsion and legal action. To which my mother responded by carefully reminding him that I had already gone to the TEACHER AND VICE PRINCIPAL to deal with this issue, and had seen no change, meaning that this was THIER fault. Not to mention the fact that his has been documented harrassment across THREE schools, and that if they even tried to sue for so much as medical expenses, she' wring the asses of the partents AND the school board for a figure to astounding that they'd have to invent new math just to write the check. Couple that with the fact that, if she had gotten to that little shit before I did, he'd be in worse shape than I left him, not to mention that the Vice Principal wasn't too old that she couldn't still take him over her knee and strip his hind end bare for being such a complete dickweed that they'd better rethink thier punishment strategy. I think, more out of sheer embarassment than anything else, he defferd to a lesser punishment. I was given a weeks' supension and transfered out of that class to a different one. I never saw that particular jerk again, save here and there in the hallways. We made a point not to speak with each other.

Major Maxillary · Post by **Major Maxillary** » Mon Sep 11, 2006 2:14 pm

During training, one private whoe is just a filthy douchebag stuffed my ACU blouse in the toilet.

I threw my Squad leader's ACH at him, it struck him on the side of the head. he cried.

UgghTheCaveman · Post by **UgghTheCaveman** » Mon Sep 11, 2006 2:58 pm

I used to love getting in a bit of "rough and tumble" after going from 120 pounds at 5'10" to 165 pounds at the same height over the course of basic training, AIT and RIP (Ranger school for those who haven't had a regular duty assignment yet). It's all the fault of the bravado and machismo ingrained in the training in all four "schools" one attends on the way through all of this crap (basic, infantry AIT, airbourne school, and the Ranger Infantry Program). So anyhow, for a while there, fighting and me kind of went together like strawberries and cream, not MA type fighting but barroom brawling "for fun" with other soldiers.

But the only one I've been in that was a SERIOUS fight was also the one that put a felony conviction on me, and almost caused me tio become divorced.

See, my wife and I used to frequent a local party house. One night she went alone, because we couldn't get a sitter. The house had a house rule that if you were inebriated, your keys went in a coffee can in the cupboard and you either caught a ride with someone going your way, walked, or took a cab (your choice). My wife called me, I picked her up, leaving our second car there in the yard. A gent she was close friends with that I couldn't stand, who lived at the house, took it upon himself, while extremely drunk, to borrow our car (a tricked out '95 Integra I'd spent 4 years and lots of money doing up for shows), run from the cops in it when they tried to pull him over, and end up totalling it, while he walked away without a scratch, and got released after the weekend with just a SUMMONS for the DUI and attempt to flee. (Gotta love what a court will do when they refuse to admit how overcrowded the county jail is, and therefore can't get funds to build a new one with more capacity)

A couple days after he was released, I showed up at his place, looking to ask him how he was going to pay for the car, since my insurance wouldn't cover it, unless I pressed charges for auto theft, and my wife didn't want me to do so. I never got a word out past "Hey Mike", as he assumed I was there to pound on him (or so he said later)...he grabbed a length of 2X4 laying against the house, and slashed it at me, I took it on the shoulder. At this point, I went more than a little nuts, went after the 2X4 itself, trying to get it from him so I could beat HIM with it, and things get a little confused in my memory for a bit. In the end, I had found and grabbed an aluminum softball bat at some point in the fight from somewhere in the area, and beat him senseless. The reason I was charged at all, having had witnesses to the fact that I was attacked first, was I continued to hit him with the bat after he stopped screaming.

He lost an eye and was minorly brain damaged by the incident (apparantly from subdural hematoma), as well as having had a fib/tib fracture up near one knee, I had two broken ribs and a simple fracture of the humerus (cracked, but not seperated), plus various bruises. Both of us got lucky not to have been killed, all things considered.

Katjapurrs · Post by **Katjapurrs** » Mon Sep 11, 2006 3:10 pm

Halo299 wrote: <<cool story>>

That's a cool story, thanks for sharing

i took tae kwan do once in college but none of the boys would spar with me because i reflexively try to kick them in the nuts when attacked. i don't mean or want to but it just... happens. suffice it to say i decided to quit at the end of that semester. i don't think they would have let me go another semester anyways :-/

UgghTheCaveman · Post by **UgghTheCaveman** » Mon Sep 11, 2006 3:48 pm

I should think not. That shit HURTS, and having it happen repeatedly in a sparring situation is just not something most of us are capable of enjoying.