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So I'm curious who's got the funniest thing they've ever caught themselves doing while drunk. Hell, even if it's not the funniest ever, let's hear it anyway. I guess being drunk isn't even a prerequisit, I'm just looking for funny stories about catching yourself doing random, funny stuff.

Here's my contribution... I was resting my forehead on my laptop, and decided I didn't want to get up, so I tried to shut it down using my nose on the touchpad. I woulda done it, too, if I hadn't stopped myself at the last second to start this thread.

So let's hear it! Can anyone top that?

(or am I just a drunken ass? Hurray for not working mondays)

Not drunk - grad night, at a busstop wearing evening dress with a group of friends. Started singing Monty Python songs at the top of my lungs. It was great.

not drunk.

First day in my new corset, I was out at Dennys with my 4 best friends and I looked at my cleavage and wondered if I could fit my nose in it. So I put my head down, and my nost fit PERFECTLY in the little cleft of my breasts.

I fapped to the Major's ass.

I was on a beach with friends having a fire, and the large plank we had thrown on just wasn't burning, so I jumped into the fire and stood on it (no shoes, either. Smart). While my back was turned, someone threw a lighter into the fire beneath me, which promptly exploded. I distinctly remember looking down and watching my feet become engulfed in an expanding cauliflower of fire. I lost my socks that night.

Yes, alcohol was involved.

In reverse order:

Wow, that story blew my socks off *takes cover in case rotting vegetables are thrown*

Haha. Well, I will grant you that it was one hell of an ass

And Misca, that's a wonderful, silly, beautiful mental image...
... got pics?

And might I ask what songs? The lumberjack song would have been great in a dress

I wasn't drunk, but the participants were. My friend Nick had a kendo sword, my friend Willie (slightly less drunk) had a Nerf gun. Nick was trying to deflect Nerf darts with the kendo sword, until he made himself very dizzy and fell down.

swordsman3003 wrote:I fapped to the Major's ass.

Don't call him "the Major". That's an insult to the history of honorable military leaders everywhere, an insult to goofy television characters, and an insult to war criminals. Just call him "Max" or "Judges 15:15".

Honor wrote:

swordsman3003 wrote:I fapped to the Major's ass.

Don't call him "the Major". That's an insult to the history of honorable military leaders everywhere, an insult to goofy television characters, and an insult to war criminals. Just call him "Max" or "Judges 15:15".

In my bible, Judges 15:15 reads: "Then he found the jaw-bone of a donkey that had recently died. He bent down and picked it up, and killed a thousand men with it."

Whats the connection? Lol, I mean, I doubt Max killed a thousand men with the jaw-bone of a dead donkey, so why refer to him as judges 15:15?

It usually reads "the jawbone of an ass." I think that was the intended reference.

Fresh out of the Army, too broke to afford to pay cover AND buy drinks at the club I liked in the town I'd settled in, knew it was "Ladie's Night", and females got in free, and discounted drinks, during certain hours, had a female roommate. Convinced a visiting buddy who was still in to go drag with me, so we could take advantage.

Absolutely certain the guy at the door recognized me, but let it slide, KNOW the owner recognized me, and got a huge laugh out of it, and ended up getting in a fight with a Jayhawk football player who refused to believe I was A. male and B. uninterested in him until I proved it (he was extremely drunk, and it was DARK in there, I swear...I have NEVER been all that androgynous looking, and my adam's apple and chin look like twins in a bunk bed)

running around in noting but a towel at a friend's party....i was the only sober one

jumped on top of this really annoying girl so that i was straddeling her from behind and started to smack her ass repeatedly.... this was at school

got married to my best friend anna at rocky horror so now she's my bitch and i'm her asshole

Nithos wrote:And might I ask what songs? The lumberjack song would have been great in a dress

I think we did sing that one. (And I was wearing a rather fetching dark grey backless evening gown at the time. )I know we did the Galaxy Song and the Philosopher's Drinking Song, and I think also Eric the Half a Bee and Every Sperm is Sacred.

I <3 Eric the 'alf a bee...


Mostly just the intro, of course.

Goddessmisca wrote:not drunk.

First day in my new corset, I was out at Dennys with my 4 best friends and I looked at my cleavage and wondered if I could fit my nose in it. So I put my head down, and my nost fit PERFECTLY in the little cleft of my breasts.

damn, i'd have given a month's pay to see that

Unholy wrote:

Honor wrote:

swordsman3003 wrote:I fapped to the Major's ass.

Don't call him "the Major". That's an insult to the history of honorable military leaders everywhere, an insult to goofy television characters, and an insult to war criminals. Just call him "Max" or "Judges 15:15".

In my bible, Judges 15:15 reads: "Then he found the jaw-bone of a donkey that had recently died. He bent down and picked it up, and killed a thousand men with it."

Whats the connection? Lol, I mean, I doubt Max killed a thousand men with the jaw-bone of a dead donkey, so why refer to him as judges 15:15?

Dude... What version of the bible are you reading...?

Yeah... The intended reference was the Jawbone (maxilla) of an Ass (Max).

Hmmm... Well, I once made a big pot of noodles in just my underwear. Left the boxers I was wearing on the handle of the door to the kitchen and my friend walked in and said "Laura... what the fuck?! Why aren't you wearing pants?!!"

I also once did the four long drunken e-mails to the guy I was in like with at the time... That was embarassing...

One more thing to add, unless I remember anything else I've done that was stupid as fuck, DDR is the BEST while intoxicated. The BEST. Better than usual, that is.

I <3 DDR!

I've never been drunk and don't aim to be so, but I'm crazy enough as is.

In elementary school we had Wacky Days where you had to come to school in the silliest outfit you could think of... got in trouble one year for wearing underwear on my head.

DDR's an even better spectator sport when there are drunken pretty girls playing. Can't say I've ever bothered to play it myself, I just encourage girls to It's all in good fun.

awkwardschoolgirl wrote:I once made a big pot of noodles in just my underwear.

Booked.

So... that's like... strained noodles, then? What flavor does that count as?