REALLY baaaad pickup lines...

Ce6 · Post by **Ce6** » Sat Apr 01, 2006 3:57 pm

Hmm...quick check on Mapquest, and there are 23 Starbucks within 10 miles of my home address. 58 within 15 miles, and 113 within 20 miles. That still doesn't even get into downtown Chicago.
Good thing for me I don't drink coffee, I like my money. Besides, it doesn't look like Starbucks needs my help to stay in business around here.

Kingofthemorlocks · Post by **Kingofthemorlocks** » Sat Apr 01, 2006 4:32 pm

http://www.redmeat.com/redmeat/2001-01-23/index.html

Honor · Post by **Honor** » Sat Apr 01, 2006 4:37 pm

kingofthemorlocks wrote:http://www.redmeat.com/redmeat/2001-01-23/index.html

Mmmmm... Venti Butterworth Latte.

Schol-R-LEA · Post by **Schol-R-LEA** » Sat Apr 01, 2006 7:49 pm

The worst pickup line I've ever heard was, sadly, the only one I've ever been drunk enough to try myself. If I recall correctly, it went, "You two make a cute couple. I'd better you'd be even cuter in my bed."

I said that at Larry Blake's. During a jazz performance. To a straight couple. What the fuck was I thinking?

To be fair, I'm not one to go to bars, and when I do it's usually for either for the music or for the beer (and I mean the beer, not the alcohol; I rarely have more than one or two drinks over an evening, and I won't drink cheap pisswater), and I rarely go by myself.

Besides, I'm usually the one who gets hit on, invariably by someone utterly creepy (anyone who would be attracted to me based solely on appearance is ispo facto someone I wouldn't want to be involved with - which admittedly didn't stop me from seeing Oz for that six months last year, but always was a sucker - er, bad wording that - for gorgeous guys).

MaryxTyphus · Post by **MaryxTyphus** » Sat Apr 01, 2006 8:19 pm

kingofthemorlocks wrote:http://www.redmeat.com/redmeat/2001-01-23/index.html

I love Redmeat. Such an awesome Comic

Mainly because of Milk Man Dan

Aeridus · Post by **Aeridus** » Sat Apr 01, 2006 11:09 pm

As far as donuts goes... nobody can beat Shoppers Food Warehouse.

So light and fluffy... much better than the ultra-dense Krispy Kremes.

If my food doesn't have a satisfying texture, I just won't eat it.

Error of Logic · Post by **Error of Logic** » Sun Apr 02, 2006 5:27 am

Boy ... It's good to live in a country where coffee houses aren't such a hot item. ^^; Still, there could be a caffeine war on for all I care; strongest thing I drink is tea.

DarkAngel · Post by **DarkAngel** » Sun Apr 02, 2006 7:43 am

A little Starbucks humor:

http://rainofbastards.livejournal.com/107063.html

DarkAngel · Post by **DarkAngel** » Sun Apr 02, 2006 7:52 am

I've never really used a pick-up line myself. Always met my girls and boys online.

The most pathetic pick-up line I've seen, well in actuality its more like the whole pathetic technique rather than just the line:

Skinhead friend of my brother would always show up roaring drunk at EVERY one of their parties, sit down with ALL of the women in the place (one after the other) and start discussing, well, whatever. Then get annoyed because they wouldn't bring him home because he spent all of 10 minutes talking to them. Oh, and that's all the women. Even those that showed up with boyfriends, or girlfriends.

Now he's an ex-friend because he pissed enough people off with that kind of attitude that he got his face rearranged. Sure, that crowd is anti-racist skins, but they're still skins, know what I mean? Pissing people off in the skinhead scene isn't a path to a healthy life.

Sweet or Sour · Post by **Sweet or Sour** » Sun Apr 02, 2006 4:24 pm

It is not the initial terrible pickup line, but it certainly is an extension deserving of honorable mention.

"How about now? wanna go out now?..... how about now?"

Gealachtine · Post by **Gealachtine** » Sun Apr 02, 2006 6:58 pm

Huzzah! I got over my shyness and built up to a great line that worked!

last night, dancing and flirting with one of my favorite DJs, I told him I'm a good girl. He didn't believe me for a moment. So I said "Well, I guess you're right - I'm not a good girl, I'm just picky."

He smiled and nodded, then we wandered off and mingled with other people.

A little while later, I walked up to him and said:

"What would you say, if I told you, I want you to do naughty, nasty things to me?"

I have never seen such an evil smile be so damned sexy and beautiful at the same time.

I haven't made out like that in a long time.
The nasty fun will come later when he's not playing a party.

WooT!

edite: I will have corset pics by tomorrow!

Aeridus · Post by **Aeridus** » Sun Apr 02, 2006 7:01 pm

Yay!

I don't even go to clubs... I should try doing so sometime.

And oo, corset pics!

Gealachtine · Post by **Gealachtine** » Sun Apr 02, 2006 7:24 pm

aeridus wrote:Yay!

I don't even go to clubs... I should try doing so sometime.

And oo, corset pics!

This wasn't a club, it was an all-night regional Burning Man warehouse party.

He plays hardcore drum and bass with some trance mixed in, it's fantastic to dance to.

I got home at 11am today. *le sigh*

MaryxTyphus · Post by **MaryxTyphus** » Sun Apr 02, 2006 7:49 pm

Haa.. I've used pick up lines, but all of mine were weird. I'd scare guys off with them. These were three I remember using;

"If I died would you check out my body for 'Evidence'?" (This was to some goth kid that was at a Club once, I got in without being checked for ID)

"Will you please let me bear your Infernal Tentacled Spawn?" (This was to some guy that was wearing an 'I (kanji for love) Anime' shirt, sadly he didn't get it)

"If you were medication for Multiple Personality Disorder, we'd both take you three times per day!" (This was some guy who was making Jokes on that, sadly, he didn't find this one too funny as he thought I was serious o_o)

Aeridus · Post by **Aeridus** » Sun Apr 02, 2006 8:08 pm

"Would you like to see my pet snake? He's extremely friendly."

"If I get you drunk enough so that I look like Tom Cruise to you, will you go out with me?"

"I'm getting a bit chilly... mind if I get hot and sweaty with you?"

"You want a guy that's a bit dangerous? Well, we *could* have hot, drunken, unprotected sex while driving down the highway at 100 miles an hour..."

"You, me, and a banana. What do you say?"

"I want to lap up your pussy juices like a parched man who just escaped from the desert."

"Look ma, no pants!"

"You *will* fuck me.... you *will* fuck me..." (Jedi mind control)

"*whips it out* See this? He wants you so bad right now."

"I love playing with balls. Do you?"

"Looks like rain. Good thing I brought my raincoat! Will you help me put it on? It's a bit small."

"I want to ride you like the subway at rush hour."

Indigo Violent · Post by **Indigo Violent** » Sun Apr 02, 2006 9:12 pm

Not strictly a pickup line, in context ( http://www.somethingpositive.net/sp02042006.shtml ), but it made me laugh.
"Give me half the chance and I swear I will ride you like my own personal bedside carousel."

Swordsman3003 · Post by **Swordsman3003** » Sun Apr 02, 2006 9:15 pm

I lol'd.

Honor · Post by **Honor** » Sun Apr 02, 2006 11:08 pm

Indigo Violent wrote:"Give me half the chance and I swear I will ride you like my own personal bedside carousel."

that was excellent!

And Mary... The MPD one was hilarious. In fact, all of yours were excellent. Lines that intelligent and clever from a reasonably attractive person would have worked on me in a heartbeat. Half a heartbeat. 'Course... I find smart very sexy. So, obviously, you just need to hit on smarter people.

UgghTheCaveman · Post by **UgghTheCaveman** » Mon Apr 03, 2006 6:17 am

Trouble is finding them, Honor...smart doesn't show up and stand out in a crowd, the way smouldering eyes, or dimpled chin, or the like do...unfortunately, smart often comes with the withdrawn posture, the underconfident look, and the scared bunny-amongst-the-wolf eyes.

Finding the physically attractive bright folks in a crowd takes WORK...often more work than you have time to put in between 10:30 (when a club gets hopping) and 1:30 when they make "last call", out here.

I solved tis by meeting mine at a Perkins, after hours, spending weeks testing the smart, thenh taking her out on a whirlwind romance and mnarrying her while her head was still spinning.

Just to make sure it doesn't wear off (the spinning head) I arranged for her to spend the day today getting a manicure, pedicure, facial, body-wrap and polishing, full leg and brazilian wax, and a hot stone massage, along with a 3-star rated lunch and a dozen "Brazilian Black" variety roses (they're actually the color of drying veinous blood, but you can't have EVERYTHING, can you? AT least they have HUGE blossoms when they fully open).

Then again, I'm spending similar money on myself Thursday, designing and starting the ink on the 3/4 wrist to lower-third of bicep/delt on my left arm, so I guess it works out as "fair", not "spoiling".

Nithos · Post by **Nithos** » Mon Apr 03, 2006 9:22 am

I'm with Honor, those were good lines, the MPD one makes me laugh, and I find smart and funny sexy... so yeah, I'm all yours.

I always did like the cheesey ones, though. "Hey, I lost my phone number, can I have yours?"

Comic Genesis Forums

REALLY baaaad pickup lines...

For the Starbucks employees