Coming out to parents

DetailBear · Post by **DetailBear** » Wed Mar 27, 2002 9:02 pm

So, Jake is working up to coming out to his parents. Never an easy task, even if this is 2020. One can hope that 18 years has helped change the general climate enough to keep Jake's parents from disowning him. Then there's the "older...dismembered head/mad scientist" stuff too. See strip here.

Would anyone else like to share their 'coming out to the parents' story? Or their 'bringing the boy/girlfriend home' story? If there's any positive response, I'll post mine.

HUGS.

TwoDifferentSox · Post by **TwoDifferentSox** » Wed Mar 27, 2002 10:03 pm

Message eaten by wolverines

Allan_ecker · Post by **Allan_ecker** » Sun Mar 31, 2002 9:52 pm

True story, I swear to God.

Dad: I can't believe you've got a girlfriend, Allan!
Me: I'm twenty years old! Why is that hard to believe?
Dad: I donno... I guess I just always assumed you were gay.

I responded with something to the effect of "I'm pretty sure I'm bi", which has had next to no effect except to cause warnings against sexually transmitted diseases to be attached to meetings with my best friend.

And I still can't tell him about Umlaut House, not because I'm closeted, but because he couldn't bear the thought of me spending energy I could be using on my studies.

The world is insane. Act accordian-ly.

Hampster · Post by **Hampster** » Thu Apr 11, 2002 7:40 pm

Blasted Keen Forum ate my post!

hm. It's when I come out to them, not if.

hm.

I've been mulling this whole issue, okay, for a lot longer than this thread has been around.

I can't see anyone in my family (except 1 of my sisters) being all that shocked really.
Particularily not my parents, which is a releif.

Aside from just my natural, slightly odd personality- there are those moments when I catch myself thinking, did I just say that out loud; or only think it?

And if I said it out loud...

That, and those Skids/Cya fics, the printouts of which had been in amongst all the clutter that accumulates around my computer. The clutter which I came home one day to find mysteriously organized..

Stuff like that.

But today at work,

I was asking my boss about booking time off this summer, by way of explanation I said
"I have a friend who's coming over from Germany for about a week or so."

Trying not to sound as bouncy as I feel inside.

She lights up and and says "oh, that's great.

When does he get here?"

*click* suddenly Hyper Alert.

I tucked it away for analysis later and carried on.

Could I be reading too much into this?

It's just not a workplace where I'd like to be out, with at least half my immediate coworkers.

But I've always thought my boss was cool.

____________________________________________
"Yes sir, ma'am!" Barashkukor slammed a salute. "Please, ma'am, permission to designate this squad Black Squad?"
"No!" She rattled a sheaf of papers under Barashkukor's pointed nose. "We already have fifteen Black Squads, twelve Dark Squads, four Raven Squads, three Midnight Squads, one Sable Squad, one Ebony Squad, and," she consulted a sheet of paper, "one Pink Squad. Hmm. Yes. Well...we're all a little worried about Pink Squad..." -strangeplaces

Hampster · Post by **Hampster** » Thu Apr 11, 2002 7:45 pm

oh, worked in this link last time too.

It's shibby

http://www.io.com/~wwwomen/queer/etiquette/intro.html

The Fine Art Of Being Come Out To

Good advice for all, with an Umlaut-ish sense of humor pervading.

A Bi chapter. woot!
http://www.io.com/~wwwomen/queer/etiquette/chap4.html

Allan_ecker · Post by **Allan_ecker** » Thu Apr 11, 2002 8:50 pm

Gad! For a moment I thought that I was one of those "wannabe" bisexuals they were describing. Then I thought about Keanu Reeves and everything was cool again.

Alfador · Post by **Alfador** » Thu Apr 11, 2002 9:18 pm

You know what? Me too...until I remembered all those late night yiff sessions...

I know, I know. Awful. Yes, yes.

Quite.

Allan_ecker · Post by **Allan_ecker** » Thu Apr 11, 2002 10:27 pm

Nah, everybody yiffs sometime. Most of them just call it something else.

I just had something of an apiffany. The reason I worried that I was a "wannabe" is that I do want to be different. But just because I want to be different doesn't mean I'm NOT different, right? RIGHT?!?

Excuse me, I have to go paint some pink lawn flamingos chartruce.

PDI · Post by **PDI** » Fri Apr 12, 2002 12:25 am

Hey, let me come out in support of wannabes. If they want lessons or coaching, I'm willing to help. *g*

My story? I was snuggling with my boyfriend at the time in my bedroom. My step-troll-I-mean-sister's room was next to mine, and we had a bathroom in common. She came into the bathroom, and leaned far enough into my room to pull the door closed, and saw us -- fully clothed, sitting on the bed talking about records (remember those?) with arms around each other.

"Gross!" she yelled and dashed out the door. She told her mother, who told my father, who asked me about it on the way to school the next day. I said I was bi, and he accepted that. He asked if it was okay, and I said yes, and that was that.

Or so I thought. Turns out he visited *my* mother (whom he hadn't seen for about 10 years) and told *her* about it. She more-or-less accepted it, but was more shocked at my failing grade in English that term (another thing he told her).

*shrug* -- I invited her to my wedding -- she didn't come.

TOS · Post by **TOS** » Fri Apr 12, 2002 1:20 am

On 2002-04-11 22:18, Alfador wrote:
You know what? Me too...until I remembered all those late night yiff sessions...

That little primer is one of the funnier things I have read in a while frankly. It had me laughing my butt off yesterday evening.
Question to everyone: Are there major discrepencies between RL relationships yoou have had and OL relationships? (Minus the characters and all of course.)

(edit) whoops (/edit)

[ This Message was edited by: TOS on 2002-04-12 02:22 ]

Allan_ecker · Post by **Allan_ecker** » Fri Apr 12, 2002 8:21 am

Besides coming out a lot sooner and plugging my website a lot more, I'd have to say I act about the same on the web as I do IRL.

That and I don't say IRL IRL.

Andrick · Post by **Andrick** » Fri Apr 12, 2002 8:21 am

allan_ecker wrote: The reason I worried that I was a "wannabe" is that I do want to be different. But just because I want to be different doesn't mean I'm NOT different... I have to go paint some... lawn flamingos chartruce.

Here's how to test whether or not you're a 'wannabe' really fast. Straight men recognize only ten colors. Its either black, blue, brown, green, grey, orange, purple, red, yellow or white; all other colors are just the aforementioned ten with different names just to justify an increased price. If, off the top of your head, you can identify which real color chartreuse is then you are bi. UNLESS... if you can also, not only reliably identify, but explain the differences between the colors off-white, eggshell, china, beige and cream then you are gay.

For entertainment purposes only. Results may very, especially since I made this up off the top of my head.

TwoDifferentSox · Post by **TwoDifferentSox** » Fri Apr 12, 2002 10:17 am

On 2002-04-11 20:40, hampster wrote:

I was asking my boss about booking time off this summer, by way of explanation I said
"I have a friend who's coming over from Germany for about a week or so."

Trying not to sound as bouncy as I feel inside.

She lights up and and says "oh, that's great. When does he get here?"

Say, was that the same one you told about the card?
(recall what I mean?)
If yes, then you might worry.

Or not, I mean, after all she couldn't ask "when does it get here", and so had to take the fifty/fifty chance of being wrong.

On 2002-04-12 01:25, PDI wrote:

"Gross!" she yelled and dashed out the door.

You know, Mr PDI, that just made me recall something my sister said to me once, and I quote: "Can't you be gay? We could check out for guys then together!".

Should I worry?
Or maybe I'm just getting as paranoid as Hampster.

On 2002-04-12 02:20, TOS wrote:

Question to everyone: Are there major discrepencies between RL relationships yoou have had and OL relationships? (Minus the characters and all of course.)

Do you count in a totally lack thereof on one side?

Alfador · Post by **Alfador** » Fri Apr 12, 2002 12:55 pm

My discrepencies(sp?):

OL Relationships (the heavy romantic variety, discounting "just friends"): Multiple, incredibly fun, and almost invariably sexual.

RL Relationships (ditto): None whatsoever yet.

Conclusion: Character is one hot foxy dude, and a real "playah." Player is incredibly pathetic nerd-boy.

TOS · Post by **TOS** » Fri Apr 12, 2002 9:26 pm

Yeah Alfador, while I have had some real relationships, I never seem as "open" as I am with people online.

OL: Overly outgoing, extremely passionate, open to new ideas, always willing to do something.

RL: Same as above, but I have trouble following through with anything. I feel like the "real world" gets in the way of things too much.

Just was wondering if anyone else felt like this. Maybe it is because I think too much.

Allan_ecker · Post by **Allan_ecker** » Sat Apr 13, 2002 12:03 am

Actually, I feel like this all the time. Often, what I really want to do is act like Volair, dumping my bisexuality, casual disreguard for personal space, and desire to snuggle and hug everyone I even vaguely know on sight into people's laps willy nilly. But I can't, because then people would get pissed off. Here, I can say *leaps into TOS's arms, crying "you understand!!!*, and get away with it. IRL, I tend to stand in the doorway to the closet, secretly hoping someone will pull me out so they can get a better look at me. Usually, though, nobody pulls, and I end up in a sort of "virtual closet" created only by my desire not to make others uncomfortable.

But then, there's always my comic strip. If I can get someone to ask about IT, I can test the waters by seeing their reaction to my most common description of UH: "There... there really aren't a lot of straight people in it."

David, my clustermate who had seen a few drawings of Saundra, said "Oh, so you got some hot lesbian panda bear action in there?"

"Uh... Most of the homosexuality is male/male, for the moment."
"Uhhhhhh... Woa. I did not want to hear that."
"Too bad!" -flounce-

For those of you who haven't seen the ninja picture of me, I'm VERY fond of flouncing, and do it whenever possible.

TwoDifferentSox · Post by **TwoDifferentSox** » Sat Apr 13, 2002 1:23 pm

*gives Mr Ecker a hug, because he thinks it's the right thing to do*

Alfador · Post by **Alfador** » Sat Apr 13, 2002 3:52 pm

*joins in to make it a group hug, just 'cause he likes hugs.*

Hampster · Post by **Hampster** » Sat Apr 13, 2002 7:08 pm

On 2002-04-12 09:21, Andrick wrote:
UNLESS... if you can also, not only reliably identify, but explain the differences between the colors off-white, eggshell, china, beige and cream then you are gay.

Damnit! I'm not gay, the only only reason I can do that is because I'm an upholsterer.

lol

On 2002-04-12 11:17, TwoDifferentSox wrote:
Say, was that the same one you told about the card?
(recall what I mean?)
If yes, then you might worry.

(Backstory)
Day after valentines day, me and the girls
were sitting around on break, (and I hate this holiday more than any other holiday on the calender- even the ones where the whole family gets together.) they're talking about what they did last night, nice dinners, gifts, flowers etc... Then they get around to me, have I mentioned I hate this holiday?

"Nooo still don't have a girlfriend,
so no, I didn't do anything, well no, actually I did get a nice valentines day card."

And then the interogation begins, and I'm already regretting ever mentioning it.

But it's still nice.

"friend on the internet..."

and they still keep digging.

"Germany"

Most of you already have a good idea that vagueness, even when done by someone really practiced at it, can only work for so long.

And feeling backed into a corner I gave TwoSox a quick change of gender.

I immediately felt rotten about it, and for about 2 days afterwards, until 2 of the guys I work with were on the other side of the shop 'discussing' Mick Jagger. I didn't know he was bi. The topic was how he was a fucking faggot. Apart from making me blush right to the tips of my ears, it helped me feel abit better about being a closet case, and renewing my faith in pragmatism.

(End Backstory)

No, my boss wasn't the one who cornered me
about your card, but we were all in the same area at the time.

Or not, I mean, after all she couldn't ask "when does it get here", and so had to take the fifty/fifty chance of being wrong.

Maybe, she just seemd fairly certain,
and I'd been careful about avoiding gender up till then.

'they' is a nicely non-specific word.

Maybe it's just because I knew I wasn't sounding as casual about the whole thing as I would have liked.

I should have said a buddy from Germany.

You don't fuck buddies.

 well, except fuckbuddies

At least I stayed calm, didn't get all defensive, or loudly insist that he was just a friend- Really!

You know, Mr PDI, that just made me recall something my sister said to me once, and I quote: "Can't you be gay? We could check out for guys then together!".

Should I worry?
Or maybe I'm just getting as paranoid as Hampster.

you can never be too paranoid.

On 2002-04-12 02:20, TOS wrote:
Are there major discrepencies between RL relationships yoou have had and OL relationships?

RL: Much quieter, quieter even than when I'm lurking, very reserved, shier.

OL: More relaxed, more open.
The essential elements are the same as RL, I'm just a little less tongue tied.

But then when I've met people I've known OL
it's me, me here me. they already know me, so I can be myself. heck whenever I get 100km away from here it feels like a huge constricting wieght is being lifted off me.

And when I email my close, old friends I met
IRL, the interaction is the same as with other people I know in RL.

{edit- hampster joins the hug-fest}

::HUGS::

[ This Message was edited by: hampster on 2002-04-13 20:11 ]

DetailBear · Post by **DetailBear** » Sat Apr 13, 2002 7:56 pm

Ok, so I'm backwards!

In my OL relationships, I'm fairly quiet, somewhat reserved, quite cerebral, and (unfortunately) sometime pedantic. And suggesting meeting someone is really out of character for me.

In my RL relationships, I'm open and friendly, very physical and huggy, and much more "don't care what you think". And I can proposition with the best of them.

Of course, before I met the Bears (i.e. mostly big, mostly furry gay men), I was a wallflower par excellence. (This was before being on-line). I did volunteer bartending to meet people, but that rarely worked.

So any of you have permission to hug me on sight in RL and jump into my arms anytime.